Vent/how I’m feeling

[rubyrue]

I was in a car crash in December and I cry most nights wishing I passed that night. I am sad. I feel empty. I don’t have motivation. I’ve tried & tried. I feel as if I don’t have anyone to turn to, I’ve tried to tell my mum about my anxiety or depression she just laughs. My partner admitted to me “I just don’t get it” which is amazing that he doesn’t understand how I’m feeling or why my mental illness make me feel like that but I need someone who  can. 😞 . This is my first time using this forum thingo. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi rubyrue,  

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. We can hear how difficult things have been recently, we’re so sorry that’s been going on.  We’re reaching out to you privately to make sure you’re ok.  

f you want to reach out to our counsellors to talk this through, we’re on 1300 22 4636, and you can reach us online here. There are also our friends over at the Suicide Call Back service on 1300 659 467, or Lifeline on 13 11 14.  

We're sorry to hear your loved ones haven't been the most supportive of you. If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe, and you need to call 000 (triple zero).    

We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you.   

Kind regards,   
Sophie M 

[indigo22]

Hello rubyrue,

Welcome and thank you for having the courage to talk about how you are feeling. Many of us know all too well the feelings you describe so you will find support on the forums. It is really hard for some people to understand what effect mental illness can have on your daily life, some of us are more sensitive and events effect us more deeply. Some people are able to go with the flow and life's hurdles don't seem to worry them in the long term, but sensitive people are not built that way. I have been dealing with depression since my early teens and I am now in my 60's, so I can empathise with the lack of motivation and emptiness that you feel, and have also had times when I did not want to be here. I still struggle with lack of motivation, some days more than others. The best thing you can do for yourself at the moment is to get some help through counselling to help you work through the issues you are dealing with. Being in a car crash is traumatic to the body and mind so you may find it effects you for a little while moving forward. It sounds like those closest to you are not able to help you in the way that you need them to, so talking to someone who can be impartial and has experience helping people recover is a more helpful option for you. You can always come back to this post and share what you are feeling and update us on your progress, we will be here for you. I hope you find the forum a place of comfort.

Hang in there,

indigo22

[therising]

The warmest of welcomes to you rubyrue

I can very much relate to what Indigo22 says about how different life can be for a sensitive person. Being a sensitive gal myself, I simply see sensitivity as the ability to sense or feel. From one extreme to the other, there are those who can feel just about everything and those who are completely insensitive and then there is everyone in between.

I think one of the many challenges for those who can feel so easily involves being able to feel the words of others, the tone, intention, delivery of those words and more. When we can feel someone seeing our suffering as a bit of a joke or we can feel someone state 'I just don't get it', as opposed to feeling them say 'I just don't get it but I will do whatever it takes to help make sense of this', it can feel heartbreaking and lonely at the same time. It can also feel enraging at times. All depends on perspective.

Having managed the ins and outs of depression for some decades, I've found the most important thing to get a feel for is whether I need guidance and support. 'I can no longer manage this on my own' has a real feel to it. The guidance and support feels even greater when we can sense those who can relate in some way. Personally, one of my major triggers for depression is a depressing lack of energy. If great energy is the thing that connects us to life in incredible ways, you can definitely sense or feel when there's just not enough of it there and when that depressing lack begins to change inner dialogue. Whether the lack is a result of something like chronic fatigue from ongoing anxiety, a depressing and serious vitamin or mineral deficiency, draining inner dialogue, the exhausting demands others put on us, a lack of guidance and inspiration or something else, investigating whether it's a physical, mental and soulful kind of issue (or all 3 combined) is so important. Ive found becoming a detective in depression to be so incredibly important.

It was just a couple of weeks ago that a revelation came to mind for me. The words were 'I just don't know how to live'. Tack 'under the circumstances' onto it and it becomes 'I just don't know how to live under the circumstances (I face)'. By rights, we should have those who proclaim to love us putting their hands up, as enthusiastic volunteers, saying 'Lets figure out exactly what those circumstances are (the cause, effect, what's lacking etc).

Btw, 'Standing still while completely and utterly lost' is also something that has a definite and sometimes deeply depressing feel to it. Sometimes, when we just can't see the way forward, it becomes the task of others to hold the light for us so as to light the way ahead. We should never be left to endure 'standing still, alone in the dark'.

❤️