Trying to brave life

[Squid1]

Hi all,

I’ve been suffering with some intrusive suicidal thoughts for quite some time now it’s like always in my head, when I’m having a good time with friends of family I get them strongly it’s like a punishment for feeling good, I think about it so much butt I feel like I’m going to get in trouble if I talk about it to anyone like they will call someone on me, I feel guilty because I believe in God and I have such a beautiful family and partner I should love my life I just always feel like a burden and I’m so fake as a person because I have to pretend I’m okay and happy I’m just so tired I’m only here because of my family and partner.

Am I being selfish? How can I silence the thoughts?

Please no one report me to anyone I’m trying to be brave in posting here.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Squid1,
Thank you for reaching out again and sharing with us how you are feeling at the moment. We’re sorry to hear that you are suffering from constant thoughts of suicide. It sounds like you have tried to speak to those close to you about how you feel, but they have ignored you instead. We can't imagine how debilitating that must be when your experiences are not taken seriously.
 
We will be contacting you privately to see how we can support you further though this.
 
If you are feeling overwhelmed with your thoughts and want to talk to someone who will listen, please get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

[Squid1]

Thank you that would be nice actually it means a lot.

[Petal22]

Hi Squid1,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand these intrusive thoughts can be hard to deal with, I also suffered with dark horrible intrusive thoughts they really scared me.

I seeked professional help for the way I was feeling, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety OCD……. I also learned that these thoughts usually accompany anxiety and depression.

I have now recovered after receiving professional help and these thoughts have now lifted.

Have you thought about speaking to a gp about the way you are feeling? I was scared at the beginning to talk about my thoughts, I thought that people would think that I was crazy……. But the opposite happened they understood and wanted to help me.

Now life on the other side of it is amazing.

Please ask me any thing, your not alone

[Squid1]

thank you for telling me your experience i appreciate that alot,
i do suffer depression and anxiety so i feel like im doing this to myself but i cant help it
im just so scared of seeking professional help in case it doesn't help and then ill feel more alone 😕

[Petal22]

That’s ok Squid1,

Your not doing this to yourself it’s something that usually happens with anxiety and depression…… our thoughts just happen….. they pop up … it’s something the mind is doing….. it’s not your fault…

I really strongly encourage you to seek professional help I understand the fear….. but I believe professionals can help you ….

You can start at your gp and discuss how you are feeling and you could do a mental health plan together this will enable you to see a psychologist ….

My mental health journey was a journey but I learned so much while on this journey through the professionals I saw.

I also did a 8 week group therapy this was a intervention into the OCD it was metacognitive therapy it changed my life!

Maybe by seeking professional help you can also find a therapy that suits you… we can learn so much in therapy…. Like how to challenge our thoughts, meditation, mindfulness ect… it’s well worth it… it’s life skills you can use through out your life.. we need to be taught these skills..

I encourage you to take the first step towards recovery by seeking professional help….. you really aren’t alone… many people go through this and you CAN recover…

Chat to me anytime