Struggling to get help

[Doolhof]

I know this is a place where we are supposed to encourage and support each other, to offer suggestions of where help may be received and to try to be positive in our experiences of reaching out for mental health guidance and care.

Unfortunately that has not been my experience for a long time living in the country.

My GP kept telling me he would make an appointment with me to do a mental health care plan. That took about 6 months. At an appointment I basically told him I needed help, could he please do the plan that day and not make me wait another 4 weeks for a next appointment.

The psychologist he recommended sent me an email stating with the information the Dr had written in the referral she was unable to assist me. She had not even met me!

Wait another 4 weeks for another Drs appointment.  A new psychologist was recommended, I had to drive to the city for this one. Had to wait a couple of months for an appointment. My appointment was to be on Thursday this week. Received an email from the psychologist stating "due to changes in his circumstances he is no longer able to offer me sessions".

I go to the local hospital and am told "the Doctors are too busy seeing more important patients to be able to see you".  The Nurse/Sister actually stated that to me over and over.

Looks like me and my sick mind are just going to have to keep trying to support myself until it doesn't work any longer.

[quirkywords]

Dools I feel tears  can help make things clear. Glad you got phone help.

you have a lot support on this thread and other threads.

[therising]

Hi Dools

Sending so much love your way. I'm so glad there was someone who was able to make one of your worst days a little more bearable. Someone so beautiful who can sense and feel so deeply and easily will sense and feel their worst days. The most important thing is that they never experience them alone while they vent the pain that comes with such days.❤️

[Doolhof]

Thanks quirky and therising

[Doolhof]

Hello Everyone,

For those of you who are struggling right now, my heart goes out to you and I wish you a tiny bit of hope, strength and the belief that what you are experiencing will eventually go away!

Recently I had two days where I struggled intensely. I realised I was not able to control how I was feeling, the immense sadness and sense of despair wasn't going anywhere no matter how hard I tried. I accepted that in the end.

Instead of weeding the garden and watering I just sat there. I don't know that I was really present in the moment but later on I appreciated the warmth of the sun, the breeze and the birds singing. 

The next day I made a huge effort and attended a group I go to once a fortnight. It took a while, but in time I started to enjoy their company and relaxed more. 

Some days are horrible. I'm also thankful that all days are not like that! I also found it helpful to read quotes about depression on the computer. Some were inspiring, encouraging  and comforting. Some annoyed me with their sentiment regarding just changing your thoughts and you will be okay-some days that just doesn't work! 

I'd like to just let you all know that there are people who understand the struggle and to encourage you as well during those hard monments.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Dools,

It is so hard sometimes isn’t it. I relate to what you say about just sitting there. I often find I’ve been sitting or standing for some time totally spaced out. It is good that after a while you could sense the warmth of the sun, breeze and birds singing. I sometimes find I just have to wait until my system kind of grounds itself and let it go through that process of detachment in the meantime. I think the nervous system is trying to sort it self out amidst overwhelming feelings and emotions. Right now I’m sitting where a river runs into the ocean and a breeze has picked up. I think I reconnect better in nature.

I’m sorry you’ve had those difficult days. I’m glad you got some help from the company of the group you attended. It’s like trying to figure what you need at each point in time isn’t it.

 I relate to what you say about quotes. They can be beneficial but some of them don’t work where there are certain types of trauma or distress, and so can be alienating and challenging to implement. I think it’s a case of taking on board what connects and letting go of what doesn’t. I’m just now thinking of the first episode of the comedy show Black Books where the character Manny accidentally swallows The Little Book of Calm after knocking it into his soup. He then assimilates the book into his system and starts speaking all these quotes about what to do to stay calm, which may or may not fit the situation.

It’s lovely of you to think of others going through difficult times. I hope you are having a relaxing weekend and can have a good week ahead. Take care.

[Doolhof]

Hi Eagle Ray and All reading,

It would be helpful at times if I could remember positive and helpful quotes, phrases and also verses from the Bible. It would help to change my thoughts and attitude at times I am sure. Some people are very clever how they word their messages of hope.

Sounds like you were in a peaceful place when you last wrote here. I worked over the weekend. I went in early on Sunday, made a cup of coffee and wandered around having a chat to other staff before I started. I work in a section by myself so it was lovely to feel connected before I started work.

Today I am off to the pool and then to do some volunteering. I keep attending the volunteer role, some days I don't want to be there. I try to make the most of it while I am there.

I'm seeing a family member tomorrow so will select a road to have an hour's walk along on my way there. I leave home early so I have an opportunity to do that.

I'll need to make plans for ways to fill my days this week so the depression does not take over! 

Regards to all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools

i volunteer nearly every day but feel unappreciated but at my age the chance of getting a bit of paid work is virtual impossible. We live in a society where onl6mpsidcworkersxseem to valued.

glad you have a plan. 

[therising]

Hi Dools

You're so compassionate, inspiring and honest and that's so very much appreciated. Sometimes it can be hard to be honest in how we feel. Whether that comes from the condition of people pleasing and not wanting to upset anyone or it comes from fear of judgement or it comes from something else, at the end of the day honesty offers a sense of liberation at times and a chance for people to embrace us in one way or another.

I find beautiful quotes that come from the soul speak to the soul. I see it as 'soul talk'. It's like Washington Irving's quote -

'There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition and of unspeakable love'

I feel those words as the absolute truth in my soul. Sometimes I find if certain words 'ring true', I'll feel that ringing as a chill. It's a beautiful feeling, one of my favourite feelings in life. I love being able to feel the truth. So much nicer than being able to feel what's depressing.

Having a bit of a wild imagination, I imagine how much easier life would be if someone invented some device that could reveal what certain depressing feelings were about. It could be marketed as 'A deeply feeling person's best friend'. First instruction: Give it a name. Let's say Cal (short for emotional calculator). Next instruction: Ask it any question. 'Cal, why do I feel so down?'. Cal's response may be: 'You're feeling the wrong things. While you're feeling people's depressing words in this case, you should begin feeling the breeze, the sun, your pulse that tells you that you are a beautiful part of all that's living' or 'You're feeling people's ignorance, them ignoring the need to be thoughtful with their words. They have not mastered the challenge of thinking and feeling before they speak. Do not take their ignorance or lack of mastery personally'. Next instruction: Thank it. It works much better when you thank it. Perhaps some things may be purely physical. 'Cal, why do I feel so down?'. 'You are beginning to feel depressing levels of sleep deprivation' or 'You are feeling depressing levels of a serious iron deficiency'. What a handy device to have. Would take seconds to work out what's so depressing, as opposed to days, weeks, months or years.

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

I had a meeting at work in August with the general manager regarding changes that were to be made which included fortnightly or monthly catch ups with my team leader...those meetings have not yet commenced. I send out emails, most are not responded to. I work different hours to the rest of my immediate team. 

I have struggled with the lack of support and a sense of disconnection. I mentioned that the G but nothing has changed. I do try to connect with the staff that are in the building when I am working. I try to make the most of my time there and realise I am not their for social interactions with staff and that helps my mindset a little.

It is difficult when we feel like we are being ignored, out efforts not appreciated or acknowledged. For some of us with various mental health issues, the sense of not belonging and being ignored can be horrendous due to the way our minds think. 

Hope you have enjoyable and worthwhile moments in your volunteer roles. Finding work can also be very difficult!  kind regards to you.

[Doolhof]

Hi therising,

A device like the Cal you have created in your mind would be very beneficial! That is why I had tried to pursue the services of yet another psychologist so I could better understand what was going on in my head and how to accept, change, deal with and move on from the confusion that dwells there at times.

I would like to be more honest with my husband and also my work place, sometimes honesty is not the best policy! Talking out against bullies at work had me being labelled as not fitting in and had my hours greatly reduced. I talked about struggling with some issues at work and I was warned if my performance dropped I would be replaced!

Our work place states it supports mental health...only as long as no one portrays any issues at work! I have been looking for other work but have not secured any position as yet. My confidence is low.

I need to keep myself busy today, even if that means reading a book for a couple of hours.