Scrambled

[Catie 08]

Hi. I am a survivor of childhood sexual assult and suffer with PTSD. I have been working really hard on my journey to wellness (seeing a psychologist, mindfulness, lots of self care etc) but some days I can't even think in a straight line, my head just feels scrambled. During my therapy I have become the master of avoidance and I over organise and plan for sessions before I go so that i take the safe way out and avoid the exposure therapy I should be doing. I don't even mean to do it but the instinct to protect myself is so strong. I'm a couple of days out from my next appointment so I'm thinking that's why I'm feeling so muddled but I feel that it's getting in the way of me making more progress during these sessions. Any suggestions on how to help in this situation??

[Catie 08]

Hey Richie, it's good to hear from you. To be honest I though I may have been a bit hard on you and scared you away.

Don't be too hard on yourself, take some time to let the dust settle and yes, concentrate on your kids.

Don't make any big decisions, just take some time for you (says the self care queen). Not long now until you can get that fishing therapy in.

I do love a good thunder storm - they are so powerful, I find them mesmerizing.

It was my eldest daughters 12th birthday today. She loved the wetsuit. She had a party with some of her friends and had a great day, it was lovely to see her so happy.

I hope you manage some rest.

C.

[Catie 08]

Ok so Google is both a blessing and a curse.

I start overthinking and have a million questions so I google the answers. I end up spending hour after hour reading article after article that just make me feel worse and don't really answer my questions...

but without google I wouldn't know what noise a Koala makes either...

Can't live with it, can't live without it 🤷‍♀️

[Anzee]

I do that too and it gets me every time, I’m certain I want to understand all of these things and find articles I’m sure reflect what I’ve been through so I read and read then all of a sudden it’s gone from morning to night and I think I feel worse then have nightmares about it all 😂

[Catie 08]

I took my cat to the vet this morning as she has been off her food and just not quiet right.... vet said to prepare myself as it doesn't look good 🥺. She is currently having tests done.... 🤞

[Anzee]

Oh catie that’s horrible. I will never understand why when it rains it pours when it comes to dealing with life’s hurdles. We are living at my mums with my 13yo cat we rescued at a week old and she’s been off her food for about a month now and before she would meow for food every time you walked out the door but she’s still here so I just don’t think about what I’m going to do when it is the end of her time because I can’t deal with those emotions right now.

[Catie 08]

Hey Anzee, 13 years! That's huge! Out kitty is only 3. She has been such a comfort esspecially over the past 12 months, the thought of loosing her is too much. She is staying overnight at the Vets so hopefully they are able to help her 🤞

[Catie 08]

Friends son committed suicide last night- heartbroken 😢. He was only 2 years older than my eldest 💔

[Anzee]

Omg catie, I hope you’re ok, that is absolutely heartbreaking and devastating and it’s happening so often in young ages and it’s so devastating for everyone around them too. I couldn’t even imagine the pain everyone in his life is feeling right now, I hope you’re ok. Also Richie I hope you’re ok, it’s been a while. X

[Richie01]

Hi guys,

Sorry i have been out of touch, I have just needed a bit of time to get my head straight. Not so sure it is just yet but im back to a level place at least.

Im so sorry to hear that C, I cant imagine the impact that has had on his family and friends. Its so sad for someone so young... It makes me reflect on the times i was in that position myself. Its a fine wire we walk when everything gets too much. I guess it hits home and really highlights the need to be there for those who need us. Its tragic to hear, i really dont know what to say... I hope his family can find a way through this, I cant imagine the grief they are going through... Are you OK?

Sorry i didnt reply sooner, I feel like again i havnt been there for you. I will be here if you want to talk.

Home day for me, back to the real world so lets see what that looks like this time around.

Take care and dont hesitate to talk if you need to.

Rich

[Anzee]

Richie it’s so nice to see your name ☺️
I totally agree with everything you’ve said about the effects it has on everyone who was a part of his life and that it even effects us reading about it because we have been in those dark places and it makes me feel so lucky I could get past it. Hope everyone is feeling ok.