robthomaslover (used to be mb20lover)'s thread

[britishtvfan]

hi everyone. i hope i posted this in the correct thread, i wasn't sure where to post it.

i'm tayla, i used to be mb20lover, but i thought it would be best to make a new account and start fresh. i'm 22 by the way. i couldn't think of a different username, so i thought this one would do.

i have missed everyone i have interacted with somehow, and i hope i can try to support others aswell as hopefully getting support for myself, and interacting with people i have in the past, and new people.

i hope everyone had a merry christmas and happy new year.

- tayla (used to be mb20lover).

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I went through similar things and thoughts when I was your age.I thought I would be alone and have no friends and never meet anyone special.I couldn't even leave the house at one stage.I would just shut myself away in my bedroom.I then took a risk with a bit of encouragement from my mother and uncle and bought my own house.It was so hard at first when I did move out I couldn't go to the shops and go out at all.I use to walk my dog early in the morning when it was darky mum use to bring my groceries up but over time I adventurally started doing things for my self and didn't rely on my mum so much.I still needed her but not as much.I adventurally met someone that I would marry and have a family with.I know things seem so bad for you at the moment with little hope for a future you would like but I know it can be done and have faith in you getting there.It will take time and isn't easy but don't give up hope.Its just a matter of finding away of getting there.

Take care,

Mark.

[quirkywords]

Tayla

I started this thread you mentioned in another

Forums / BB Social Zone / A to Z of actors/actresses

Topic: A to Z of actors/actresses

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tayla

Sorry to learn that the dark thoughts are back. I truly hope that you are safe.

I couldn’t help but notice that you used the word “never” a lot in your last post. I’d like to gently encourage you to eliminate this word from your thoughts and vocabulary.

As a human being you are always learning, evolving and changing. There is no way for you to know now where you will be in a year, five years or more. Mark’s story provides real life evidence to support what I’m saying.

It is impossible to know that the things you want in life will never happen. Simply impossible. Try to let that thinking go.

It might also help you to stay in the now. You don’t have to sort all your concerns about life today, you just have to get through today. One step at a time love.

Hang in there.

Kind thoughts to you

[tranzcrybe]

Hi RTL (formerly MBL),
An observation, if you don't mind my butting in...

You sound like such a giving person and would make a loyal friend to anyone who gave you that chance, but you give so much of yourself that you leave little in reserve for your own self respect (which also means you might need to claim it back externally for your emotional sustenance); and, for some, that becomes a huge responsibility to match your contribution while, for others, some may become suspicious and second guess your sincerest intentions to share time, love, and be loved in return (which, btw, is a reflection on them, not you).

For example, if I were to give you all the food in my pantry, how would you feel in accepting it? Would you question my motives or feel conflicted that I might be going without? Offering less, or even thinking what the other person requires in the moment, can make your contributions resonate more and also allow others the opportunity to respond in proportion as appreciation for your timely gesture... or not, since you will still have plenty in reserve for next time ;).

That's all I wanted to say. Thank you for participating and sharing your experiences. Whether you realise it or not, you do have many friends on the forum, with or without being responded to directly. Sometimes it's just finding the right words without ambiguity that prevents diving in.

[britishtvfan]

you may not have meant it, but i am rather hurt by your reply tranzcrybe. i'm still young so i'm still naive, etc. & learning, of course i make mistakes.

i tried to realise things from that girl's POV & i will try & talk things out with her if she responds on the 27th when she said she'd be back.

whatever i do & say is wrong & i always get insulted somehow.

[tranzcrybe]

Yes, that sounds like a good idea. Forgive my clumsy attempt - it was poorly considered.

[britishtvfan]

i just wish i was dead, there's no purpose for me. i don't have anything to contribute to anyone or anything. i'm a failure, i've never achieved anything. i'll be 23 this year & i don't have any skills & know how to look after myself. it's a disgrace. there's no point me being here. all i want is to be accepted for who i am & loved, & friends too, i always get insulted about something even though i'm really sensitive with my AVPD (avoidant personality disorder) but people don't seem to care about that. i don't matter, no one cares about me. i'm worthless, a waste of space, & everything else bad.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Robthomaslover,

We're so sorry to hear how much you're hurting tonight, it sounds like you have a lot weighing on your mind. How can we best support you here tonight? Please know you're not worthless and contribute a lot here on the forums. 

If you feel up to it, you might like to talk these feelings through with a KidsHelpline counselor? Their webchat is available 24/7 through the following link: https://kidshelpline.com.au/get-help/webchat-counselling. 

We've also sent you an email to check in with your well-being. 
 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tayla

I care about you and I am very concerned about you right now.

Thank you for sharing that you have AVPD. I have no intention to ever offend you, but if I accidentally do, please let me know so we can talk it through.

My daughter is 23 and she has OCD and anxiety. I have cared for her since fell ill at age 13. Many times over the years she has expressed distress and frustration similar to you.

Please know that I understand how challenging life is for you right now. More importantly, please know that this can change. It can get better.

OCD is chronic, sometimes disabling and cruel and for my girl, travelling through life is like climbing a mountain in a blizzard, wearing an invisible lead coat, blind folded, hands tied behind her back.

This means she does life her way. Study is part time, with built in support systems. She must look after herself through exercise, diet and good sleep hygiene. She can’t party like others her age do. She must continue to work at good mental health every day and regularly see her psychiatrist and psychologist.

And slowly she climbs the mountain.

At just 23, you have the chance to gain the skills you want to look after yourself. You’re smart, insightful and probably more resourceful than you realise.

What is it that you really want to learn or do? Pick one goal and let’s talk it through when you’re ready. I think Mark’s success story is amazing and I’m sure he has a lot to share too.

Kind thoughts to you

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I was about 25 y.o when I took the biggest step to making a change in my life.Yes it was hard and scary and I had setbacks.I know you can achieve great things in your life,it's just a matter of stepping out of your comfort zone to achieve this.Their will be things that will trigger you.I still get triggered with things still but you can get to a point where you can live with it.I think your very intelligent and have more life skills then you think you do.My daughter is turning 18 in a couple of weeks and thought with her depression and severe anxiety and other health problems she would be struggling so much but she has booked into Tafe and starts next week.She has got her learners and is having driving lessons and biggest step of all with someone with selective mutism is she has applied for jobs and gone to two job interviews and has had a trial.She didn't get the jobs but is still looking.She is stronger then she thought she was.I know you are stronger then you think you are.Maby think of something small you want to achieve and write down how you can achieve this.

Take care,

Mark.