Pressures from friendships, family and school are making me feel so alone.

[hellohi]

Hi,

I feel very alone and I feel nobody wants to hear me. I try to talk to my parents as much as I can about everything stupid to important, but they don’t understand or respect my opinion. They always taunt me and they are never satisfied with whatever I do. I can't talk to them about how I feel. They would never show me their affection, they never hug me, or give me a proper response for my special moments or properly spend time with me. They avoid me. I don't have a strong relationship with anyone.

I know I am very overweight and extremely ugly, I have to put up with it myself every day of my life. I hate the way I walk, talk and I am dumb in everything I do. So many times I have known the answer or have an idea, but I cannot say it out loud in class. I am fine with sharing things with my friends and sometimes other students in my class, but even with them I feel ignored and alone, as I cannot keep up with things going on in their lives, they all have social media and I don’t and they go all travelling and I have never been out the house except to go to school. Or they simply don’t want to talk to me because of my ugly looks and lack of popularity. There are students in my class who everyone respects because they are good-looking not caring how rude they can be, everyone tells me being beautiful in the inside is more important, but no one cares about being kind. I feel so out of place.

I try my hardest to look skinny, I wear clothes that I think will help me do that, I try to keep my things clean and tidy and I try to be nice as much as I can. Nothing works, I always feel the same; alone and stupid. I don’t want any of my friends and family to know about how I feel. But with my parents, my younger brother and my friends ignoring me and making me feel alone, make me think about suicide and I can't sleep during the night or wake up early in the morning.

I don’t feel loved, happy or accepted in the people I am surrounded with.

I feel weak, alone, misunderstood, ugly, sad, confused and a burden on everyone. I feel confused as I got no idea where I want to work. I feel stupid and sad because my grandma has breast cancer and I haven’t seen her, all I have done is make her miserable, I want to talk to her which I can’t do it through a phone call, because at that moment I don’t want to say and I don't know if she wants to talk to me.

Maybe I am overreacting because so many other people go through worse things than me, but this is how I feel

[Aaronsis]

Hello Neerja

How are you going today? I am wondering how you went with your webchat and if you managed to get to speaking to one of their team at Kids Helpline? It is a really busy time and I think lots of young people are struggling with the whole isolation thing and the online schooling thing so I am not surprised that they are really busy and waiting times may be longer, which is a shame.

I must say I am really enjoying reading the writings of both yourself and of TonyWK, you are both so very talented and the ability to write and express feelings and emotions in written word that resonates with others is such a beautiful art to have.

My daughter is 13 and I am really trying to get her to love reading and books as I do, trying to explain to her the places they take you, the ways in which it develops your imagination and not to mention the way it develops your creative side. I have resorted to bribing her in the hope that she does find a book she loves and can get "hooked" to reading.

I hope today is a good day for you and that your online schooling is going well.

Chat some more really soon

Sarah

[hellohi]

Hi Sarah,

I talked to one counsellor at Kids Helpline yesterday night, I had to wait 35 minutes but it went alright. The counsellor said that we will talk about different things at home and school in multiple counselling sessions, every Sunday afternoon.

What type of books does your daughter like to read? I find it hard to get hooked to a book, I'm always changing books once I have read halfway. I think she will like Pieces Of Sky by Trinity Doyle, as it includes many events in the plot, so she won't get bored.

Today has gone alright, but I have no energy for some reason. During the weekend, I was able to catch up a bit in school, so that went well.

How's your day been? How did painting go, what did you paint?

Thank you for your reply and kind words, like always. I really appreciate it. 😃

Neerja

[hellohi]

Hi TonyWK,

I wanted to ask you something, but you don't have to answer my question if you don't want to.

Before, you said you went through 11 years of emotional abuse, how did you overcome it? And who was emotionally abusing you?

Neerja

[Aaronsis]

Hello Neerja

I am so happy to hear that you were able to engage with a counsellor at KHL and that you have a regular meeting booked in to discuss different ways to manage, this is really great, and just a tip too, to perhaps write down some points you do want to discuss so that when the time comes they don't slip your mind and you can get the best out of your time with him/her, that is so great to hear, well done.

Thank you so much for the recommendation for the book, I will get it and maybe even read it myself. I really do enjoy reading and have just finished "The Tattooist of Auschwitz", it is very interesting and very heart breaking and is about the concentration camps in the 1940's. One that is probably aimed more for young adults is my all time favorite "Tully" bu Paullina Simmons, I just love it, about a girl with all sorts of struggles in life but how she manages and rises, it is really enjoyable.

I didn't end up doing any painting yesterday, however I have a picture of a cow that I want to do, so as soon as I have done that I will put it as my profile pic for you to see....promise don't laugh...lol.....

I am working in the office today which is a nice change to being at home and in PJ"s, I actually made an effort today so it feels nice to have done my hair and put some clothes on. It is very quiet but there are some people here too which is a nice change.

I appreciate you Neerja and your kind words and your beautiful caring nature.

Hugs

Sarah

[hellohi]

Hi Sarah,

Before next Sunday I will write some points to discuss, it will help me know what to say and not repeat myself, so it won't feel awkward. Thank you for the idea, Sarah. 🙂

Wow, those books sound great! Have you read The Boy In Striped Pyjama's it sounds similar to The Tattooist of Auschwitz, but in a shorter version. The Holocaust was such a heartbreaking event that affect so many lives, but the books about the Holocaust are interesting as you understand and discover things that you didn't know before in a creative way. Now I want to read The Tattooist of Auschwitz and Tully, they both sound great and intriguing. I'm going to write them down, so I will look for them in my school library.

I bet the cow painting will be fabulous just like your cute Easter bunny rabbit!

That's sound so fun and relaxing being in a quiet and calm place, are things going to back to normal in your workplace? Does it feel weird going back to your routine?

During online schooling time, I am always in my pj's too, lol reflecting on it, I have been so lazy and out of routine.

Hugs to you too.

Neerja

🙂😄

[Aaronsis]

The boy in the striped Pyjamas is very similar with the events and the running of a concentration camp, the Tattooist of Auschwitz also has a beautiful love story entwined in it so there is some beauty and kindness against adversity. The holocaust was horrific and I actually cannot believe that these people were put through such horrendous things all for the sake of being Jewish, it really does escape me and to think that another human could demand this whole situation is just unthinkable, I am glad though that we have these stories so these peoples struggles are never forgotten and the way these people were treated can never be repeated.

It is a little weird being back in the office but I am glad to be seeing some of the friendly faces I work with,even though there are only a few of us here, it does break up the scenery of my walls at home.

Thank you for your beautiful words about my rabbit, he is kind of cute....well let's just see what Mrs Cow comes out looking like...either way I will put her up here for you to see.

I am going to sneak outside and breath in some of the sunshine that is beaming down outside, I really love a cool but sunny day, Autumn is my favorite season...well not iso autumn...lol...this one has been weird...

S xxxx

[hellohi]

It is so good that today society has developed since the holocaust, as people will not be treated so cruelly due to their race. And like you said, those people who went through traumatic times shouldn't and won't be forgotten.

Autumn is such a sensational season, it's like the trees are like a mother or father, they help the leaves grow up and then let the leaves go to experience the outside life. It is such a beautiful season with leaves falling and nice but cool weather.

Hope you have a great time at your office and a great walk outside!

And I can't wait to see Mrs Cow!

Neerja

[eight]

i wish i could like boy in striped pyjamas. like okay book, yeah but its so pertinent in holocaust education programs and such despite being so much more of a moral tale rather than actual facts. and yeah i know there's arguments over creative license but i feel when you're writing about an event like the holocaust, when things like holocaust denialism and  neo-nazi movements are gathering pace, you should be handling it with care and making sure you are being Historical if you don't explicitly say its a work of fiction because then you get it stuffed in school curriculums and "bruno dying was so sad it ended concentration camps ✊😔👊"

the book thief is another one of those holocaust fics but at least it clearly has the pretense of being fictional with like, death being the narrator and whatnot. jojo rabbit's probably my favourite holocaust fiction even if its a movie but then again its not marketed towards kids and is pretty heavy-handed satire - generally found it very refreshing when you have the jew-in-the-attic not being so fragile and pleading with the eyes and the gentile hero isn't a paragon of inclusivity that for some reason can't spell fuhrer and have never heard of a propaganda. "i am descended from those who wrestle angels and kill giants. we were chosen by god," jewish elsa says choke-holding the ten year old great aryan, "you were chosen by a pathetic little man who can't even grow a proper mustache."

i keep trying to read i lost the habit in the middle of a lot of shit last year and made this resolution one book a month. that's plenty of time. i just finished february's book a few days ago so maybe not. i've been using libby though - its an app you can download it and read your library's ebooks proven you've got a library card. i keep getting burnt out by the fact even if ive got a reading list in my notes app i can't find any of em in my library's catalogue. oh well oh well

[Aaronsis]

Eight, you are so wise beyond your years and so very literate and well read. Your view on the world takes my breath away and I wish I had the knowledge of, and being able to use the English language as you do.

Not to seem creepy, but I read alot of your posts and find you intelligence and your view points so very refreshing.

I have not seen Jo-Jo Rabbit yet, but am very keen to and see how they portray the story through the eyes of a child, and in an imaginary concept too...very interesting.

I agree with you 100% though, events like the holocaust should be reproduced factually as it was so horrific and was a piece of history that to this day, and I think for ever in time will remain totally unlike any other even to man kind.

Don't ever stop being you eight.

Hugs

Sarah

[hellohi]

Hi eight,

I completely agree with you about The Boy In Striped Pyjamas, as it isn't historical and sometimes readers get too caught up with emotions in the book that they don't realize that it's not real, like you said Bruno dying did not concentration camps, but the way it was written suggests that. The book thief and jojo rabbit sounds like good holocaust fiction. I'm going to write the book thief down, so I will look for it my school library, once schools open.

Same here, I used to read more before, but now I have lack of energy to keep reading. So it gets hard to get "hooked" in a book. That's really good that you make a resolution because it shows that you really dedicated to read new books. I recently finished Pieces Of Sky, its this book about a girl who goes through her older brother's death and doesn't know what caused it, she gets her brother's phone and someone keeps on sending messages knowing that he is no more. While she finds out who this person texting her brother is, she goes through her relationships changing and experiences the characteristics of adolescence.

It must be annoying not finding the books you want. I remember last year I wanted to read Faceless and I had to wait a term and half to read it.