Loneliness, isolation, suffering and lack of support is going to kill me

[tiredzebra]

I had a serious and rare diagnosis 20 months ago and my mortality was thrown in my face. its brought up my shocking upbringing and trauma I have endured and I have worked hard to make a good life from all the horror but now this. I turn to my friends. and family and I am ignored. I asked my sister and best friend for company -expressed clearly my loneliness and sadness and that I was suicidal. hey ignored me (I am safe right now - just) I have messaged about 3 other friends explaining this and reaching out even telling them what happened - I can see they read the message and they didn't reply. My husband went away to work like 2 states away knowing I was in this lonely place and had just gotten out of psych hospital for being suicidal. My older daughter lives over the border with my grandkids and she knows how troubled I am and barely calls barely meets up. I now realise its all me who makes the effort in these relationships. My Dr gave her a letter so she can come here to give me support but she never used it. My younger child is a teen so she's always out. My one friend this side of the border had asked me over and cancelled. I don't know how long I can hang in there and I'm wondering what im hanging in there for. im getting sicker and sicker I have treatments every 3wks at oncology ward, I have no quality of life and a lot of chronic pain and fatigue but I make the effort for everyone else and they take advantage of it and push me for their needs and when I need them they are nowhere. I can't cope with this, I guess I just need to vent and a chat. im trying my best to get thru until these borders open. Someone has caused me to be suicidal as I am treated like a criminal crossing for my life saving treatments and I can't see my family. She's taken my only happiness my grandkids.

[Sophie_M]

Hey tiredzebra,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for joining us here. 

We're so sorry to hear of the suffering you have endured over the past 20 months. We can hear your distress and acknowledge how hard your diagnosis must be to manage without the support of family and friends. Please know our forums are safe space for you to share your thoughts and feelings and we will try our best to aid you on your mental health journey. We're concerned to hear you are feeling suicidal and have sent a private email to check in with you. 

Have you spoken to anyone in your family recently? 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please check-in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This sort of event (having an illness and people not responding) is all too familiar here. ?Yet if you broke your leg and every time they saw you on crutches they would be distraught.

The existence of this forum is proof that birds of a feather flock together. This is where you can obtain support and understanding. Same with, groups that all have a terminal illness can set aside time to chat together. It's even worse nowadays as people are always busy.

So rather than pressurise loved ones I suggest you seek out groups and therapy so you can talk to your hearts content.

I'm sorry for your challenges that lie ahead, your handcuffed really in what you can do so my only advice is to seek out some motivation lectures and online youtube channels for inspiration. For example these might help.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BhrtbBrMQ1Y

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X30sWycWz4o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgh08mZ355Q

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[tiredzebra]

Thanks TonyWK. I have my teenager here but she has been out all weekend with a social life. And no have not spoken to my other family members for days due to feeling so abandoned and judged. you are so right about the invisible illness its very hard. I am taking it day by day but it is very hard

[Petal22]

Hi tiredzebra,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry that you are feeling this way.

Im sorry to hear of you rare diagnosis, it must be difficult for you.

Im sorry that your family and friends aren’t being supportive towards you.

Sometimes we have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldn’t jump in puddles for us.

These people just aren’t your people….. your people will want to support you and want the best for you.

Have you thought about taking up a new hobby or sport group so you can meet new people?

Even joining a church if that interests you…….

Your people are out there.

Hang in there you are important and you are supposed to be here.

[tiredzebra]

Thank you I have thought about a church, its not my thing but I need to meet better people. Not ones who want me on antidepressants just so they can continue to treat me badly and get away with it. I was an elite sportsperson due to my rare illness I now can not even walk my dog or manage to make dinner most days and if I do push it, I end up sicker and more fatigued and in pain for weeks to months. I managed to get to the pool and try the gentlest water aerobic class and met some ladies twice my age they were lovely. I was so happy its just I cant manage it a lot and overdoing it brings the exhaustion and the exhaustion brings depression for me or overexertion brings chronic pain. I will have to look into hobbies. My area has not had COVID cases yet and I live in the most unvaxxed area in Australia. I dont make antibodies to vaccines so I am very vulnerable to infection (my illness is like bubble boy its a primary immune deficiency antibody deficiency) with covid around have had to isolate which of course is not good.

[Not_Limited]

Hi Tiredzebra

Invisible illnesses and feeling unheard or taken seriously is extremely hard to get our heads around. Friends and family members who have not experienced the problems you are facing either cannot relate, don't know how to respond or sometimes it can mental affect them to with triggers. The reactions are generally all the same of either not acknowledging it or just not knowing how to respond and how they can help so feel avoidance is the best way of dealing with it for them. Unfortunately, this means you do feel isolated and not good enough or cared for enough by them. Mental anguish just doesn't affect our emotions, it also comes out in bodily reactions for example an increase of pain or symptoms from physical conditions you already suffer.

Unfortunately, we cannot control what other people do or think and how they behave. It is extremely hard not to take their reactions or words to heart and let them affect you even more. Try to remember though that their behaviour is their behaviour and not a reflection on you. I call it "not my monkeys, not my circus". You can only control your thoughts and actions. Is there a local support group either for your diagnosis or mental health you can go to at all for support? When your husband is back can he attend an appointment with you so the Dr can speak to him directly?