Just wondering if I am alone

[thisisbs]

I lost my 2 furbabies about a decade ago, and I am still grieving and still blaming myself (one cat died possibly because of my neglect, the other was re-homed by my ex). I know most people won’t care because no one really cares about animals. I am thinking about self-harming (it’s been a long time) because I think I deserve it and I also think most people let themselves off the hook very easily, when they should feel guilty and ashamed of what they’ve done. Am I the only one who thinks this way? I don’t think I want to change it. Curious what others think.

[Bob_22]

Hi thisisbs,

I can feel that you are quite distressed. Losing pets can be akin to losing loved ones and the grief is all the same. If you are having trouble coping please feel free to contact the counsellors here at beyond blue by visiting: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor 

Guilt is a normal human emotion and can definitely be part of the grieving process. However, it is often amplified if you have any existing mental health issues like depression. I know for me, when I was really sick, I would feel guilty all the time about things I hadn't even done. I had to stop watching the news because I felt guilty every time a bad story came up. When this happens it is best to seek professional help. I would consider contacting your GP so that you can get a referral to a psychologist or someone you can talk to about how you're feeling. 

But you're definitely not the only one who feels this way. Many people are affected by misproportionate guilt and it can be quite debilitating as I explained.

Hope this helps.

Bob

[smallwolf]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and the pain you're going through - even if it was a while ago. Please don't think that most people don't care about animals - many people do and understand the love and connection that we can have with them. You deserve love and compassion, and it's never too late to begin healing.

[yours_truly]

Hi thisisbs,

I am so sorry for your loss, whether it’s been a decade or not, you still lost your beloved ones and you deserve to grieve as long as you need. 

I don’t think that your opinions are fair on yourself. No one is capable of managing everything perfectly and I can clearly tell that you loved your furbabies very much. Guilt would be a natural emotion, but guilt can be consuming. 

Many people certainly care about their animals. I lost my dog about 2 years ago but I still remember it all like it was yesterday and the slightest thought just sends me spiralling into to tears. I remember not giving her a hug before she was taken away to the vet because I was so sure I was going to see her again. That guilt of not embracing her when I should have just consumes me. It makes me feel less than human and outright awful. But, in the moment the decision I made was the decision I made. The only thing I can rely on is that she knows I loved her. 

I don’t think you deserve to treat yourself this way and that healing and seeking professional advice would be the better option. 

Think about it,

yours_truly

[indigo22]

Hi thisisbs,

I can totally relate to your thoughts and feelings. I too was responsible for the death of an animal many years ago and I hung on to that guilt and shame for nearly 40 years despite having other animals since and loving and caring for them into old age. I had a realisation only recently that this had happened for a reason. It happened so that I could learn something about myself. It taught me that I have no business judging anyone for anything as we are all capable of doing harm at some level. What we think, do and feel is a direct result of the things we have learned and observed through our interactions with family, teachers, friends and all we have come in contact with during our formative years and even beyond. At that time I was young and really screwed up and was not able to cope with the way my life was. I am sure that if you search within yourself, you will come to an understanding of what that experience was meant to teach you too. So here is what I did when that realisation occurred and I hope it will help you. First I closed my eyes and put my hand on my heart, with tears rolling down my cheeks I asked the soul of that animal to please forgive me for what I had done. Then I forgave myself. This does not mean that you forget the act, it means that you have learned from the lesson and can move forward knowing that it will not happen again. We all deserve forgiveness for mistakes we have made. When we genuinely have regret and remorse then forgiveness is all that is left. It is not letting yourself off the hook but finding a way to reframe your reaction to that experience. You do not need to harm yourself as a retribution, you need to find enough love for yourself to say "I made a mistake that had consequences, but now that I know better, I will do better".

I truly hope this helps you,

indigo22