i'm not too sure

[heyman]

i'm not sure that what i'm feeling is enough to be considered to be part of this section

i'm scared of dying, and i don't like pain. i don't physically self-harm (unless biting myself but not breaking skin counts), and i'm too scared to even try suicide. but i think about hurting myself. Like as if i was another person being hurt. When i think about these things, i get tense, i pinch myself or scratch myself, but nothing that causes scars or marks. the thoughts sometimes appear randomly, but mostly appear when i'm in a weird mood and i'm in a situation where i feel suffocated and stressed. Sometimes they appear when i'm angry, but that rarely happens.

I would never do these things to someone in real life, and i'm too scared to tell other people. i doubt i would try to hurt myself or get someone to hurt me in the future but i get thoughts.

[Sophie_M]

Hi there, heyman!

Reaching out is a huge step and takes a lot of courage. We are grateful you felt you could share this here.

The issue of depersonalization in distress is not as uncommon as you might think - a lot of us, when we are going through amazingly high levels of distress can either imagine it happening to someone else, or alternatively, imagine the emotions aren't happening to me at all - it's a story I am reading, or a whisper someone told me once - nothing at all to do with me.

The brain has such a diverse and strange number of ways and systems to try to escape from or pack away distress. Sadly, these can get overloaded or end up misfiring sometimes. That can cause as much pain or confusion as the original distress. 

We are very relieved to know that you do not actually want to hurt yourself, heyman; it does sound though like the thoughts in themselves do trouble you a lot and that's understandable. So we wanted to make sure you know you can reach out to debrief and disempower those thoughts - we are here 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 and you can click here to start a webchat with our counsellors as well!

another good service to look at is the Black Dog institute, and some of their articles on how the brain tries to navigate stress and anxiety. In the meantime, many of your peers here on the forums will no doubt be a long soon to try to help, and when you are ready - talk to your GP!

Thank you again for your post, please keep in touch here, heyman!

Regards,

Sophie M.

[Petal22]

Hi heyman,

Wellcome to our forums.

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Intrusive thoughts can be hard to deal with especially if they are causing you distress.

I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD I would have horrible intrusive thoughts sometimes about harm coming to me or harm coming to others in my thoughts I was the one usually doing the harm and these thoughts really distressed me.

I didn’t want to act on the thoughts but just by having these thoughts brought on severe anxiety.

The good news is that I’ve now recovered from this condition thanks to the professional help I received.

I suggest you speak to your gp in regards to the thoughts you are having and how it’s affecting your life.

Life can get so much better for you with the correct help.

Please ask me anything.

[Sophia16]

Hi,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums and thank you for being so open here. It sounds like you are going through a very difficult time at the moment. Your feelings are completely valid. You are in a safe space and we are here to support you through your tough times.

Stay safe and i am always here to chat.

[rhombusslope]

Hi heyman 

I relate a lot to your description. I felt and thought similar things if I had awkward social interactions or made mistakes (like ‘stupid me!’ kinda thoughts). But it was good of you to post as it helped me feel a little less alone and I hope you felt better posting too. Like the others have said, sharing can help to release the pressure and thoughts. So please feel welcome and post again if you ever need to 🙂