I feel so bad

[Joey_Joey]

I feel so disgusted and disappointed in myself. If it weren’t for my son I’d just want to put myself to sleep forever. I’m a single mum and I’m okay and like to think I do a good job 99% of the time. Yesterday I was triggered when I found out my son has been bullied. I drank too much, called my ex. But can’t recall conversation. I’ve apologised to my son but I can’t take anything back. I’m nearly 50 amd should have myself tigether but sometimes I just collapse and feel so utterly useless and disgusted in myself. I don’t know what to do

[Sophie_M]

Hey Joey Joey,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums,

It sounds as though yesterday was a really difficult day and we're sorry to hear how low you're feeling. We're glad you've come to the forums to talk things through and we hope our community can offer some advice or just be a place you can share your thoughts too. We're certain that nearly all parents would be very distressed to hear their child is being bullied. And if you feel there's no one you can talk to about this, we understand how hard it would be to cope. Would you mind sharing with us a little bit more about what's been happening with your son? 

We'd recommend that you get in contact with Parentline. Talking to a Parentline counsellor can help you navigate difficult parenting dilemmas such as the one you've outlined. If you follow the link below it will take you to the contact numbers for Parentline in each State/Territory: https://kidshelpline.com.au/parents/issues/how-parentline-can-help-you

If you feel that it would be beneficial to about your feelings with a counsellor, please, contact the Beyond Blue Support Service anytime on 1300 22 4636 or get in touch with us on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. 

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
 

[Joey_Joey]

Thank you. I just can’t stop crying and it’s probably making my son feel worse. I’ve had a shower, made a coffee and told him it’s not his fault in any way I’m just in a sad spot right now. I will contact Parentline and respond here properly once I’ve composed myself

thank you for replying as I just feel so alone

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Joey Joey,

I am sorry you were triggered by your son disclosing he has been bullied...Please don’t feel disgusted or disappointed in yourself...Being triggered can cause so much hidden pain and hurt come to the surface and can do awful things to us.,,,,I get triggered and immediately feel the hurt and pain that I went through....

No..lovely lady..we cannot take things back once said or done...the only way to do so is to apologise for our actions, which you have done...I’m sure your son would have forgiven you..so please Joey Joey...forgive yourself as well..It’s hard to have control over our triggers...Maybe speaking to a professional about your triggers to better understand them and learn some coping strategies may help you....Your Dr. should be able to set up a Mental Health Care Plan for you....

Talk here anytime you feel up to it....but also remember that their is no hurry for replies..the first thing is you and taking good care of you with gentleness and self care..

My kindest thoughts with care..

Grandy,,

[Joey_Joey]

Thank you fir the kind words I have been able to calm down and texted with a counsellor who advised that I just need to get through today.
I’ve also emailed my psychologist who will conduct a Tele health appointment with me on Monday. My son heard me crying and gave me a cuddle. I really felt I was doing well lately but think I was kidding myself. Thank you for your kindness as this is what we all need more of.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Joey Joey,

I was so relieved and pleased to hear that your feeling a little more calm, and you have a Telehealth appointment on Monday with your psychologist.....

Thats beautiful to hear that your beautiful son gave you a cuddle....Proof that he loves and cares for you so much...as you do with your son....

Please don’t be too hard on yourself on what you have been through and done to help you cope....As parents we are fiercely protective of our children when they are being bullied.....You are doing a wonderful job of trying to protect your son from those bullies....I was bullied at school and when I found out my son was...I was triggered into remembering my pain and hurt....I was so upset that I went to the school the next day and called a meeting with the bullies parents...It helped but not long term...

Please lovely Joey..Talk here any time you feel up to it...I hope that we can help support you through this tough time you’re going through...

Sending you a warm comforting hug 🤗...if that’s okay...

Kind thoughts dear Joey..

Grandy..