Suicidal thoughts and self-harm

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Do you have a safety plan?

replies: 97

Safety planning involves creating a structured plan – ideally with support from your health professional or someone you trust – that you work through when you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts, feelings, distress or crisis. Your safety plan starts with things you can do by yourself, such as thinking about your reasons to live and distracting yourself with enjoyable activities. It then moves on to coping strategies and people you can contact for support – your friends, family and health professionals. The safety planning model was developed in the US by suicide prevention experts Barbara Stanley and Gregory Brown. It has been used extensively by US veterans’ health organisations, hospital emergency departments and high schools, and there is strong evidence that it works. Many health professionals in Australia also use some form of safety planning to support clients experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, or after a suicide attempt. beyondblue has an app you can use to create a safety plan, called BeyondNow. The BeyondNow app takes the principles of safety planning and makes it even easier to use – so rather than carrying around a piece of paper, you’ve got it on your phone at all times. It’s free to download from the Apple Store or Google Play. If you don’t have a smartphone or would prefer to use your desktop or laptop, BeyondNow is also available to use on our website. Do you have a safety plan? Do you have questions around how you might create one, or fill out some of the sections? This thread is for discussing ideas around creating a safety plan, and sharing tips about what has been most useful about this process for you. Below are two videos featuring Peter and Nic, who have both used safety plans successfully. Peter Nic

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section

replies: 0

Life gets pretty hard sometimes and many people in this online community have had times where they have thought about hurting themselves or ending their life. This can be a stressful and at times overwhelming experience, and this section is here to help members who have had these experiences. This is a place to share where you are at, seek ideas for help and know that you are not alone. We are here to create a safe environment for everyone. Please do not provide any details about any plans/ideas that you may have had to hurt yourself, and importantly, help us to understand if you are safe by letting us know in the post. Making comments that let us know that you are having thoughts, but are safe, helps us to know that your conversation can continue without interruption, and that we do not need to put any further follow up for you in place. This section will not be for everyone.It shows posts from people who are distressed, offers public replies to these posts, and encourages people to come back and share how they got past that difficult point in time - what worked, what didn’t and how they now approach these difficult thoughts. It is important to think about what you want from the forums, what information you need and what threads will be helpful to your situation, rather than reading everything that is posted. For some people this section might be difficult to read – if it is not helping how you feel, then please consider moving to another section. This section, like the rest of our forums, is closely monitored and all posts are reviewed by moderators before publication. Moderators will also ensure that anyone needing follow up will be provided with information about how to access further support. This section remains a discussion forum focused on helping each other through the dark times, it is not a crisis support service. Any posts that do not abide by the community rules will not be published. Unlike other areas of the forum, threads in this section will be closed after a period of one month of inactivity. If you are in crisis or need immediate help, assistance is not available via these forums. Please call Suicide Call Back 1300 659 467, Lifeline 13 11 14 or contact emergency services on 000.

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BEYOND BELIEF

replies: 3

I am depressed and distraught. My 80 yr old father is in hospital with abdominal pain and an unidentified infection. Two nights ago my narcissistic , alcoholic brother phoned him and told him he was thinking and doing everything wrong. My brother kept pushing until my father snapped and started arguing back. In the end my father hung up and collapsed in a heap with pain. My brother rang back and my mother grabbed the phone. My brother kept up the argument with my mother. By the end of the call my mother was shaking. I decided enough was enough. I blocked his phone number on both of their phones and sent him a message stating that there would be a hiatus in communication for 30 days. He had that time to learn to be compassionate,kind and respectful toward our parents.As they have always had his back. Last night my mother and I had returned from visiting my father and my mother went out the front. The next thing I could hear yelling. I opened the door and walked outside. My brother had used another phone and called my mother.He was screaming at her and arguing. Then she started yelling at me saying I had blocked my brother's number and how dare I make that decision. I unblocked the number and then she accused me of telling the hospital to say my father wasn't there when my brother rang. I don't have that authority it was somebody typing in the wrong name or misspelt name. Then she started having a go at me for seeking treatment for my mental illness. My entire family are too thick to comprehend that depression can and does last longer than 2-6wks. I've tried to educate them and they believe they are all an authority on the subject - I should be over it by now and all I need is hard work ! My mother is to have a major surgery before the end of the year so I have to care for my father whilst she is in hospital and then both of them when she is discharged. There are no family members in QLD and neither my brother or sister would dream of coming up here to help out. I feel like I'm suffocating and I'm in a never ending hamster wheel.One that guarantees if I seek treatment in January because I'm getting suicidal I will just receive a verbal bashing from my family for daring to do that.

I thought about it

replies: 7

I thought about it today. I thought about I could kill myself. I thought I can't do this anymore. I've been doing just get through one more day for so long and then today I was like this is it. Today is the day I can't get through. I can't do it anymore. I was sitting there at work and I was shaking and I thought this is it. I can't do it anymore. I have a new job and in the interview I told them I wasn’t familiar with their programs and required training. I didn’t get any training. Someone I was very close to has discarded me earlier this year and it hurts because I trusted them. And I let this person see my heart and they didnt care, they didn't care after they said they did and I hate myself for trusting them. I don't know why I let my guard down. And today I rang some people at work to ask a question but I didn’t get a call back even though they were talking to each other at the time. I had to sink or swim and now I am sinking. And today I thought this it. I'm going to kill myself. I just can't anymore. I drove home and my teeth were chattering because I decided this it and this is what people feel like they have to get through one more day until they can't and then they decide and then you have to pretend so noone knows you decided and that makes it okay. You can get through the next hour because noone knows but you and you knowing means you can get through until you get to where you can do what you decided. And it brings a sense of calm but then also for me fear. I was scared because my mind wouldn't stop thinking I can do this. I can do this and it scared me and then my teeth chattered but I won't. I won't do this. I am safe. I won't do this. But today I thought about it and I thought I could. I won't. I won't. But today was the day I thought I could. And it scared me my brain thought that.

Newbie,👋

replies: 9

Need help not sure how this works

Wanting to just sleep and not wake up.

replies: 13

I've been having thoughts for the last few years regarding death and/or suicide. I tend to think almost constantly 'what if i just sleep and not wake up?' or 'i hope i just die in my sleep.'. I don't want to actively take my life, i just want random chance to do it for me. I've tried therapy a few years ago, but it's had no effect. i've been diagnosed with anxiety and autism, but i don't know if i have depression as well. I just hope that things will get better for me, i'm just tired all of the time. Not physically tired, but mentally and emotionally tired.

Feeling like you don't belong

replies: 2

I just need to get this out of my system. I constantly feel like I don't belong anywhere. My older sisters look at me like I'm a complete weirdo because I'm so different to them, my little sister knows exactly how to get under my skin and my older brother is the only one who is nice to me. They think I'm weird because I watch anime, and hate dresses and skirts, don't like going out, am on my computer all the time, stay up till 3 in the morning drawing, am 'music-obsessed'... I'm also pansexual and they don't know that, but it just feels like I'm so alone. My older brother also watches anime and is an introvert so he kinda gets me, but it means I'm constantly anxious about disappointing him. At school I never get angry or sad, I hide it because none of my friends expect to see negativity from the 'bubbly and positive friend.' My smile shakes sometimes and I always keep laughing even when it's not funny, and at home I'm the opposite. The bottom room is my haven away from the world where I can play piano and violin, get lost in books and fanfiction, write for hours, do art to my heart's content... And my parents are worried because I yell at them to get out when I'm in the middle of something. It feels constantly like everyone has high expectations of me when I'm in the A-team for netball, when really I'm the worst in my team as everyone else is consistently playing amazingly while I play defense and just stay on my player, don't make any flashy intercepts. The night is the only time when I can take a break from everything and just watch youtube or anime... And at school I'm supposed to be 'smart' and 'talented.' I'm a procrastinator and average 70s-80s when I expect 90s and beat myself up about it. Whenever I do something wrong I self-harm, but I can't relate to SH on other harms because it feels like it's not serious. I'm in the first year of high school and haven't got a lot of friends.. One is constantly hitting me hard as a joke but it really hurts and I can't say anything because it would be a buzzkill. Her other friend does it too. Another friend is a complete brainiac who is modest and gets 90s and is annoying but everyone else feels sorry for her because she used to get bullied. Another is really talented at art, the other music, and it feels like I can never be the best at anything. That's all I want just one thing, and now I'm running out of space and don't even know how this works. Thanks.

I’m tired and I can’t see a future

replies: 7

I’ve been unwell for nearly 2 years now, 5 medication changes and I thought the ones I’m on now were working until 4 weeks ago and the suicidal thoughts have come back. I’m 32 and I’m tired and I can’t see a future. I have an amazing partner, a job I actually like, and more money saved than I ever have, and a plan for University and what I wanted to do career wise and yet that doesn’t seem enough. All I feel like is a failure and that all I’ve done throughout my life is fail and that I deserved all the bad things that happened to me. I’ve made so many mistakes which I wish I could take back. I feel so unaccomplished and this is the lowest I’ve felt. All I can think about lately is just to end it so the pain stops and that I don’t burden anyone. The mornings are the worst time and I just don’t want to wake up. I just feel there are so many people who would be happy to see me gone, and that the people who wouldn’t would be fine after a week. Life goes on right? I’m so sick of hurting.. and I’m hurting my partner in the process, all I want to do is push him away. He’s a psychiatric nurse and he understands but he would be so much better off without me. I feel like I’ve ruined his life. I’ve ruined my own life by not having all the things you’re meant to have by the time you reach your 30’s. There’s so much I regret and im so angry at myself. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going for..

how do i tell my friends about my SH?

replies: 3

Im a teenager who unfortunately selfharms. Its become a coping mechanisim for months now. and ever since ive started, not one soul knows about it. and everytime i try to tell someone, i delete it. I know my friends would care for me, but i dont want to burden them. Friend 1: Suffers from an ed, so I dont want to make her feel invalidated, or put more onto her plate and make her feel like she cant talk to me. Friend 2: Also suffers from his own problems and I dont want to put this news on him- I dont want to make him feel like its his obligation. Friend 3: she also has her own problems and I dont wish to put this on her. Friend 4: She has alot going on and if i dont know if shed understand. I just dont know who to tell or who to talk too? I recently became almost 2 months clean and I lost it. Everytime I was happy about being sober, i couldnt be happy with the people I care for. Everytime I lost my sobriety, i couldnt have gone to anyone to talk to. I just do not want to bother them with my problem, I dont want to make them feel like they have to walk on eggshells. I dont want to make them upset or cry. Because I know soemthing like this can put alot of pressure on someone because its not an easy topic. I would like to talk to someone though, i would like to tell them. I would like them to know. but i dont know how to tell them without damaging their lives. So how do I?

A failure, and rightfully so

replies: 2

Hello, first time poster and apologies if most of this post is venting. At my age (28F) I haven't had a single lasting job that made me financially independent. I came to Australia as a young adult on my own, and due to naivety and negligence, I always ended up being tricked out of rightful pay, ended up doing my absolute best on unpaid labor with hopes for paid work that never come, and just financial uncertainty after another. I also ended up with tons of work rejection, either for visa reason, lack of work experience, and one time, just blatant racism. There's over a hundred of these rejection in fact and it ate me up so much, I have instant anxiety whenever I logged in to job seeking sites. It always felt like the word 'Failure' just hung over my head. After a turnover in my choice of career, today was supposed to be the first day I could start work and hopefully change that life around. And instead of working I fell sick and due to the current situation with Covid, I was told not to come in. I cry myself with worry over whether or not I can still keep that work, I feel like I started of my first step very, very wrongly, and could only uselessly cry as I try to salvage this situation by calling the employer and even started applying for work again. My parents back home were extremely disappointed, as I know it's very shameful that I'm 28 who only now could have the hope of a stable career and I blew it. They kept shouting at me that crying is useless, but it's not like it's a faucet I can just turn off when I want. Worse of all, and the reason why I'm here, is because I found myself going back to self-harming. The reason for the career change was because, though I was not diagnosed and did not have the funds to do so, I suspect I have depression, considering the few suicide attempt I had before and just general feel of uselessness and listlessness that goes on every day. Like everything I did will always end up as failure anyway, there is no point in trying. Every day of my life, every little thing I do always felt like it has a massive consequences and it cause even the smallest, most irrational failure to make me break down. I'm aware many of this experience and my failure is rightfully my own fault, because i place myself in this situation and I am responsible for the many situation I ended up in. But if I want to keep living, I don't want to keep feeling like this. Please give me advice on how not to slip back to old habits like this.

No trust left!

replies: 10

Today has just proven that i cannot trust anyone. Had just finished putting groceries away after picking them up. Sat down to think about what i was going to have for lunch(was starving at the time but now i just want to vomit) then there was a knock at the door. Was the police! Immediate thought was what the hell has happened now???? The last time i had to deal with the police was when someone was harassing and stalking me at work about 2 months ago. They took a statement and that was it. They explained why they were at my front door : apparently i had sent an email to centrelink telling them im going to kill myself!! And they were doing a welfare check. 1. I have no memory of sending such email. I didnt even think centrelink has an email?? 2. If i really wanted to kill myself, centrelink would be the last people id be telling. 3. Even though ive been feeling shit the last few weeks, i havent had thoughts of suicide. So i dont know how this has come to be! Has someone pretended to be me?? Did i actually send an email off but some remember?? I mean my medications make me sleepy and i have been that tired in the past where i have unknowingly answered calls but to write an email? I dont know whats happened. Naturally i freaked out. They start asking more questions and of course after whats happened in the last few months, i broke down! Then theyre asking more questions and if id be happy for the community mental health team to cone around to talk. Told them i dont feel ready to talk about it yet and certainly wasnt going to in front of my son. And they werent happy with that were that! So i had to literally wait there for 20mins while someone came out. I had also called my mum to come out, she was 5 mins away. Even when the community mental health team came they almost threatened me telling me if i wasnt going to talk they will admit me to hospital!!! Told them, im a nurse, i know how these things work, whos to say i would actually talk about the issues i have right now even if you admitted me. They basically said i could be there until i talk. I dont even remember what i said next its mostly all a blur now! So im just so freaking pissed off. Whose done this?? Im already stressed, depressed and anxious then this happens only to heighten it! I really feel like i cant trust anyone! Feels like no one is on my side! I just want peace! Im sick of all this drama! I truly am sick of it all!

feeling quite stressed to the point of no relief

replies: 4

ive been with my wife for 10 years and married for one of them. we had a split a few years back of my own nature i was depressed and seeking something that wasn't healthy and it did so much damage to us both emotionally. we got back together and i've never been happier, i love her so much and our 8 year old son. Last night we had a fight because she doesn't trust me around the people i work with romantically, which is valid given previous circumstances but im so confident in myself that i haven't crossed any lines, i havent cheated i havent even thought about anyone else romantically or physically. Im scared, if i lose her i will sink back to a place that was very damaging, i had no release last night besides self harming and even then i dont feel like it did enough. im scared more scared than ive ever been. i dont know if this is too much information, im really bad at talking about mental health as i underplay it more often than not and pretend im all better. i love my house where i live, i love my son and my wife and i just want us to be okay but she said things that make me terrified of the outcome. i found relief in telling myself things will be okay for so long and that seems like a distant truth now. ive made mistakes but i truly believed we were on the path for the rest of our lives but she doesn't trust me. im depressed and having unsettling outcome thoughts.

Do you have a safety plan? replies: 97

PLEASE READ THIS FIRST: posting in this section replies: 0

BEYOND BELIEF replies: 3

I thought about it replies: 7

Newbie,👋 replies: 9

Wanting to just sleep and not wake up. replies: 13

Feeling like you don't belong replies: 2

I’m tired and I can’t see a future replies: 7

how do i tell my friends about my SH? replies: 3

A failure, and rightfully so replies: 2

No trust left! replies: 10

feeling quite stressed to the point of no relief replies: 4