Dear Bee~
Welcome back,
I read you asking "am I a bad person?". I can tell you that asking here how to help those you love is not the actions of a bad person it is the actions of someone who cares.
What can you do to make up for a system that does not work as it should?
When someone has suicidal thoughts it is very easy to feel frustrated, helpless and afraid of what they might do. If gentle talk doesn't help - often because you don't realise it's needed or are not present - then how can you influence things?
There is a free app for a smartphone ( I'd hope your sister might have one) called Beyond Now, you find it here
https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning
There is a trick to it, it's not just another app. The idea of course is to fill it in when feeling not too bad, and I hope your sister has those times. Even so it is hard to fill in. One of the most imortant sections - apart from the usual ones you'd expect like phone numbers and lists of people to talk to - is about things I can do myself
Frankly i could not fill it in becuse I could never think of things that in the past I'd enjoyed, or gave me a lift, or even distracted me. This is where the influence of someone that understands the person can remember for them, suggest things so they get put in.
It can be anything from music (be specific, a particular song for instance), or a TV streaming show, or going for a walk, playing with a pet -anything at all. Remember to make it exact, not just general (eg read manga is too general, read "Ghost in the Shell" is better
I found with my mind full of suicidal thoughts I had no brain power left to make decisions or even think what to do. BeyondNow it has the advantage of being easy to reach for - no brain power required.
Do you think this might be an idea?
I've not talked about your friend, maybe we can do that later.
Croix
