Emotionally, spiritually and physically tired

[Supermum]

Hello all, the last 2 and a half years have been exhausting and I feel like I am just living in an empty universe. I don’t want to talk to my family, my psychologist or anyone . I just want to be quiet and alone. Sometimes life is bearable and I love my children and feel more committed to living but other times I just want it to stop. For the silence and peace to begin. Would it be so awful for those around me to no longer have me in their lives as my constant up and down with sadness must be as tiring for them as it is for me. Things that used to help me focus and be grateful for small things don’t seem to snap me back into place and I just don’t want to do this anymore pure and simple.

[Supermum]

Yes we can always talk tim. You have always spoke the truth which is what I respect . I’m drunk again ... always drunk 😞 the only way I can make it through the day . Sad but true

[quirkywords]

Supermum

I am listening to you. I too had times when I drank to cope . You are being honest about what is happening. There is support here for you.

[smallwolf]

Hi,

Going back to the that post where you listed your thoughts you said that you were vulnerable people would leave you, or words to that effect. And yet you have allowed yourself to show vulnerability here, and we are still here with you and listening to you. It also seems you are aware that being drunk is the ideal way of dealing with issues you want to address.

I recall you once saying you had problems when talking to a counsellor or similar.Is that correct? I could be wrong here. If so, seems you would be caught between a rock and a hard place. The list you posted here is something you could mention to the people at lifeline or similar service.

And if not there, how comfortable would be writing here?

Remember I said we are not judgemental, we are supportive people here. And perhaps in your position we would do the same. Most issues have solutions, and maybe we could walk with you and help you to find yours?

Peace and comforting thoughts to you... Tim

[Supermum]

I shall remain perpetually drunk in order to address my issues ! Ha ha . I drink too much everyday which is something that needs addressing just not today . I just cried and felt empty sad lost lonely today .

[Supermum]

Thank you xx again drunk ... 😞

[Sophie_M]

Hey Supermum,
Thanks for reaching out tonight on the forums. We're very sorry to hear how lonely and distressed you've been feeling. We acknowledge how difficult these emotions can be to manage and how it seems like alcohol could help. We'd urge you to read more about the effects of alcohol on mental health and sleep as well as alternative coping strategies here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/drugs-alcohol-and-mental-health

We've sent a private message with some extra support.

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).

Please check-in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.
 

[smallwolf]

Hi. I am still here. What did you get up to today?

[Supermum]

Today we spent the day with the family . It’s easier to pretend that way . Smiles , laughter etc etc . I’ve been drinking again since we got home, numbness is easier than facing your fears or facing the truth ?

I know your listening and that you hear me which makes me second guess my bad choices . To know they effect someone .

I tried to talk to suicide call back but they are always so busy . Lifeline stops chats at 12 and so do beyond blue . So I have noone to talk to 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Supermum,

We can hear that you are trying, every day. We can understand that you might be feeling exhausted. We are glad to hear that this community is of some comfort to you. We hope that you know that you aren't alone in this.

We would recommend that you try reaching out to the Suicide Callback Service chat again tonight if you are feeling distressed. If you are having trouble sleeping, you might be interested in seeing our tips for improving your sleep - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/staying-well/sleeping-well

It's concerning that you have been using alcohol as a method of numbing what you've been feeling. You might also be interested in taking a look at our page sometime- "Drugs, alcohol, and mental health" - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/drugs-alcohol-and-mental-health

We hope that you manage to find some rest tonight. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Supermum,

Sorry to read you are struggling so much.

When you are trying to contact the support services and you can't get through or it is too late for some of them, would it help to grab pen and paper and write out everything that is in your head?

Have you tried some calming teas? Some people do find them helpful or maybe even but a flavoured tea, sip in slowly, smell the fragrance and try to connect with that instead of alcohol so frequently. I know it is not going to give you the same feeling, it might help in some way.

Have you tried distraction from thinking to help you sleep? I've noticed people on the forums have mentioned apps that have positive affirmations, or stories that are read, or calming sounds.

Struggling can be exhausting. I hope you can find ways to add a sense of calm, even if it is a small portion.

Regards from Dools