Drink

[Lilly18]

Iam lost. Nearly 6 years on antidepressants and sober. I want to drink because I think it will give me a buzz. Meds don't work, I have been on a downward slope with depression for years. I have a gp, psychiatrist, seen psychologists, and most recently the hospital mental health have done phone calls which were pointless. If it's this bad I mayaswell drink too hey? I need help but it's not happening and I don't know why. How is a single parent supposed to be a loving parent like this. 

I had a vague idea to drink and OD few months ago. I want to drink but it might not end well.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lilly18

Thank you for sharing today, we can hear that you are going through a lot in your life and that you are feeling challenged by thoughts of self harm. We really apprecate your courage in posting today, you never know who might feel less alone because of your story.

If you ever feel like you can't stay safe, please call 000 immediatley.

Thank you for sharing that you have a support team available, we hope that you can reach out to them if you need support. We are also here for you anytime you need on 1300 22 4636.

If you ever want to tell us more, we are always here for you. Please feel free to join other conversations as well across the  Forums. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

 

[Bill of Silence]

Hello Lilly18, 

I was in the same almost situation. It is very hard to deal with life matters if you are on your own. 

With such so many responsibilities on your shoulder, have you ever been completely relaxed to enjoy your time. Try once a week take your children for a walk and meet new people and even go places in your city. 

Forget the excuses throw them out of the window and relax with your children. 

[Lilly18]

Bill of silence,

Relax with my children...

What do you mean by throw the excuses out the window?

[therising]

Hi Lilly

During my years in long term depression, from late teens to 35, I can recall the depressing quest to find what worked while only finding what didn't work. Those who haven't felt the impact of depression can't relate to the depressing quest for the right anti depressant, the depressing quest for the right help and so on. One after the other, it can become so incredibly tormenting, to say the least. Being a gal who drank much of my way through long term depression, while what's found in the bottle holds the potential to shift emotions or dull them, I can understand where you're coming from in regard to things possibly not ending well. On my worst day, during those years, alcohol led me to take action in regard to a life I just couldn't tolerate anymore. Realising alcohol had the potential to lead to such an action meant having to manage my drinking.

While I still face periods in depression, from 35 to now 52, I no longer drink. It's definitely a challenge at times because, without alcohol, every emotion is so much more raw. I imagine the rage you may feel towards those who are making no difference for you to be raw. The pure desperation for change as well. The exhaustion that would come with raising 2 children on your own would feel overwhelming. While my daughter was 3 and my son just a baby when I came out of long term depression, I look back at how much I beat myself up over 'not being a good mother'. Truth is, while most mums are raising their kids, mums who face depression have it so much harder, while they're also trying to raise themself, out of depression. There's far more work involved. With few to none stepping in to raise the lot of you, it can be even harder.

Lilly, I imagine you're absolutely exhausted having worked so hard for so long. Is there anyone in your life who holds some form of positive vision for you, a way forward you maybe haven't been able to see for yourself? It would need to be one you can relate to, not general stuff like 'You'll be okay' or 'You just need to get on with life'. That sort of stuff is useless, for how can we possibly see what okay or just getting on with life looks like. It would need to be something specific someone can lead you to see in your mind.

[Lilly18]

I don't know what to do. I have a devil on my shoulder telling to to drink, screw everything. If your so depressed nothing is helping just drink at least you'll feel something. 

How can I find legit information on alcohol combined with SNRI & Mood stabilisers? That would be helpful for me to know. 

I'm messed up right now. I have a broken bone in a half plaster which is adding to my negative-ness. 

My psychiatrist isn't prescribing me the med that I found so helpful.

Depression is agony

[Sophie_M]

Hi Lilly18,

Thanks for sharing an update here. We're sorry to hear you're finding it really hard to cope with your depression right now, and it's making it difficult to avoid alcohol.

We'd recommend reaching out to your GP to discuss the risks of combining alcohol and medication. In the meantime, if you'd like some support from our team, we're here for you 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online. 

Some other really good people to discuss this with are our friends at Counselling Online on (02) 9361 8000 or online. Other community members have previously mentioned Daybreak, the app, to be a useful resource. You can find out more about this here.

We hope this helps you towards getting some support with this, and that you can be as kind to yourself as you have been in sharing with the community here.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[therising]

Hi Lilly

Has your psychiatrist explained in detail why they won't prescribe that med? I know some won't prescribe certain ones that are known to be highly addictive. I think if I was addicted to a drug that stopped me from feeling so depressed, I'd be inclined to say 'Well wouldn't you be addicted to what leads you to feel happy and full of energy for a change?'. Would make sense to say 'If that med's not good for me, find me an alternative but don't leave me on what's depressing'.

While it's not a major problem solver, do you have any markers? With the cast being a reference to sufferance, could you make it a reference to something else? Do you have anyone who's capable of drawing things on there that would lead you to laugh every time you looked at it? Could be someone who has somewhat of a rep for being an absolute clown and you can't help but laugh at them no matter how down you get. My 17yo son's like this. Can be having the worst day out of some of the worst months in my life and he will always lead me to laugh, even if it's just for a minute at a time. A minutes relief is some relief.

I can understand the alcohol craving; you're after a difference, any difference. The sameness of depression can become incredibly torturous, especially the longer that sameness goes on for. The desperation to feel a difference makes sense. Perhaps being more confronting with your psychiatrist might help get the message across, when it comes to how desperate you feel. Something like 'You seriously need to find me some new med/chemistry and quickly because I can feel myself on the verge of returning to the chemistry I used to find in the bottle. The current meds just aren't working no matter how much you're convinced they are'. You shouldn't have to settle for no difference. Expecting you to is just wrong.