broken heart and no where to turn

[Guest_16431]

Hello all

i'm suffering a broken heart

i had a relationship end badly and i'm in a rut atm

i'm living alone currently without many friends and no contact with my family. i don't have any mental health support privately but am case-managed in the public system. So, i see a case manager every 2 weeks and a psychiatrist every 6 months or a bit less if i'm in crises.

My friends are really supportive but some of them want me to sstop talking about the heartbreak and feel that better things are on the horizon. 
I can't see a horizon. I've been sectioned a few times under the mental health act because i feel like hurting myself. 

I know these forums have strict rules and i'll try be respectful. I hope people can meet me where i'm at, but i feel a lot of shame talking about suicide and i don't want to feel that shame more, so it helps me to talk. I welcome all input from anyone and all are welcome. x Sleepy21

[therising]

Hi Sleepy21

I feel so deeply for you as you try your hardest to manage a broken heart, such a deeply painful experience. Being a bit of a mind/body/spirit kinda gal, I'd say while a broken heart can involve psychological factors and even physical/biological/chemical factors, it can feel more like a soulful or soul destroying experience, more than anything else at times.

Agree with you when it comes to the horizon feeling so far away at times, too far away to manage. Some experiences are more so 'one foot in front of the other' ones. So, how to manage the next step and then the next and so on. Might sound a bit strange but I'm someone who tends to look for a seer when I'm completely lost in the midst of a major challenge. If I can't see, through my imagination (where I am or where I'm meant to be heading), I'll find someone who can see for me. I'll use their imagination. I'll get them to see what comes to mind as being the best way forward.

Not sure if it will help but maybe the first step could involve acknowledging 'I am a deeply feeling person who can feel painful aspects of love. I can feel love in many forms'. Next step could involve researching (bit of a Google search) 'How to manage the painful aspects of love', which could help you make some sense of how and what you're feeling. Sometimes there can be a lot of mixed emotions involved, grief included. Sometimes making greater sense of things can help shift perspective, even if it's in the slightest (one slight shift at a time, further toward the horizon). Or maybe the next step could involve trying to set up an appointment with someone on your mental health care team. Or maybe it could involve explaining to your friends something along the lines of 'I can't manage talk of what's on the horizon when what I actually need is more about how to manage the place I currently find myself in'. A few different paths to step foot on there, a few different directions to take.

While it currently feels like you just can't move forward, it's a fact that you have already taken a step forward. You've come here and that is a step. One step at a time. My wish for you is that someone responds here who can guide you toward the next step that feels completely relatable for you. I've found, through my own experience, that the most relatable steps are the ones that help create a sense of forward momentum, through and beyond challenges that test us in so many ways. The ones we just can't relate to tend to make little difference. ❤️

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Sleepy21,

How are you doing today?

Heartbreak is the hardest thing. I know it often doesn’t feel like it at the time, but it does begin to ease, little by little. I can understand wanting to talk about it as it’s often a way to try and process it.

Shame can be such an awful emotion that collapses us inwards. I felt a lot of shame from early in life but I’m gradually learning to nurture that part of myself. If you can find a way to care for that part of yourself it can help to integrate that hurt part that feels the shame. I think what happens with shame is we feel awful and then beat ourselves up even more. I’ve found it’s a case of learning to respond with kindness and care to the shame instead of becoming even harsher towards ourselves. It can take a while to learn to shift in this way, but with some time and practice you can catch yourself out when in a downward spiral and self-nurture by giving yourself kindness and support. It helps too to have kind people around you as you can absorb some of that kind energy and direct it inwardly to yourself.

I hope you are doing ok. Take care,

ER

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Sleepy21,

How are you going tonight? Hope you are doing ok.

I sent a reply to you this morning but it never appeared and emailed mod support about it this evening but haven’t heard back, so not sure if it will appear.

 I was just saying how hard it is having a broken heart and understandable you’ve wanted to talk about it. It can be a way of processing things.

I understand about feelings of shame being really hard. I’ve been trying to care for the parts of myself that can feel shame and I’m slowly learning to nurture those parts of myself. I think shame makes us collapse inwards, then we feel more shame, and so on. It kind of spirals. It feels like one of the toughest emotions. But I think being as kind and gentle as possible with yourself can help to counter it.

Take good care and hope you are ok.

Eagle Ray