Why can't I sleep?

[AlexDeLoser]

Hey everyone,

I just wanted to share my experiences with sleep for any tips or to learn if anyone else has experienced the same.

It's very difficult for me to sleep and I don't even really know exactly why. Usually at this time when i'm trying to go to bed I feel dead inside. I feel like I should be doing something, that I want there to be a reason/purpose for me going to sleep to wake up to, though ironically, I end up doing the most unproductive things like continuing to play games. It's like I want to go to sleep because I feel so exhausted but at the same time I hate being so bored? I don't even know if any of that makes sense to anyone.

From what I can reason with, I believe I may be feeling this way because of my lack of purpose in life- I've dropped out of my studies 3 times in completely different fields, as nothing of interest has caught my attention. I swear to god; I'm not just saying it- I literally find everything that is useful to learn about, boring.

I don't know what to do. If i'm honest, I think the reason why I feel this way might just be because I'm stupid or something, like, legitimately stupid, or lazy, or maybe both.

[MissBenthos]

Hi Alex,

You're not at all lazy or stupid. It sounds a lot like depression to me when you say exhausted, bored and lack of purpose. Does anything bring you joy? Is the gaming fun or just a distraction? Have you been to see a psychologist?

Not being able to sleep is the worst! For me, beginning to sleep normally again came when I found the right anti-depressants. I would highly recommend seeing a doctor and psychologist to get on a path that will help you.

[AlexDeLoser]

Hey MissBenthos,

Thanks for getting back to me.

To answer your qusetions- The only things that have really ever given me joy was accomplishment and talking/joking around with friends, though I don't really have any friends anymore, nor have I accomplished anything significant. As for the gaming, its strange, its boring but its definitely better than doing nothing, and in a way, it is also a distraction from reality. Also, yes, I have seen a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

I actually take antidepressants myself. I started taking them since the start of the year. It was helpful at first, though it started to become ineffective. I've actually have had my dosage increased, though, as stupid as it sounds i've been spiting them in half because I fear it may become ineffective again as I take them sporadically through different times of the days.

Thinking about the cause- I still tihnk its probably more psychological than physiological; my life has gone down-hill since I started having problems. I'm not too sure of anything.

[blondguy]

Hi AlexDeLoser

Great to have you on the forums and good on you for posting too!

I understand your situation with meds...I have been on antidepressants since 1996 and for me they have worked really well...

Can I ask if you are seeing your GP to track how the meds are working for you?....The meds are never a 'fix all' yet they do provide us with a solid platform on which we can heal effectively with a GP or counselor

you are not alone

my kind thoughts

Paul

[MissBenthos]

I get what you mean about no significant accomplishments. I've re-framed my thinking around accomplishments because they can actually be a lot of things, they don't need to be a huge milestone of your life. I began with complimenting myself on small things like getting out of bed in the morning, attending that gym class, putting away the laundry, making it through another day. It sounds cheesy but no one has to know about your internal dialogue. I've formed a much kinder internal dialogue where I can appreciate the good things I'm doing and forgive myself for mistakes.

Can you set a small goal for yourself to work towards? If you don't hit it give yourself another chance to try again. Often when I don't want to do something I say to myself "All you have to do is spend 5 minutes on it, then you are free to go back to what you wanted to do." Sometimes (not always) forcing myself to contribute that small time ends up getting me in the headspace to keep going on it anyway.

Praise yourself for what you have been able to do and try not to beat yourself up if it doesn't go to plan. There's opportunity to try again.