Where do I start? Want to do more with my life

[Gab253]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, but I'm struggling a bit at the moment. Here's my story, I'm 29 years old, and I live in a rural area in Victoria with my dad. In April this year, I lost my dearest friend. I've known her all my life and she was like a sister to me, and she was only 31. I miss her terribly. I'm unemployed, and I've never really had a job. I've had a few part time jobs here and there, but they have rarely lasted more than a week. I'm overweight, and I eat rubbish food. I think being overweight, and getting very sore contributes to me not being able to last long in jobs. I also have high blood pressure, which I am not taking medication for. I drink a little more alcohol than I'd like to, but I can control it, and I can easily go for 1 or more days without drinking. I struggle financially week to week, and I often find that my bank acc is overdrawn by the end of the week, putting me further and further into debt. I am only about $1500 in debt at the moment however, most of which is to my dad. I live in a very cluttered enviroment, which is partially due to me not having enough money to get rid of all my rubbish, and I hoard junk. I have asperger's syndrome which is part of the autism spectrum disorder. I don't have alot of friends, however the friends I do have are very good friends. I want to do more with my life, and get out and about a bit more, but at this stage, I don't want a regular "job" I don't know what activities are out there for someone like me. I have been looking into a Men's shed. That seems like a good idea for me at the moment. I'm after some suggestions of some activities that may be available to me? Possibly some that will help me get fitter and improve my general health too. I'd also like a bit of advice on how I can eat a bit healthier. I'm looking at the idea of doing a course too. Loosing my dearest friend has really hit me hard and I miss her so much I think about her every day. What are some other things that I could possibly look into? I mainly want to improve my health, my happiness and my financial situation. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Cheers, Gab

[white knight]

Hi Gab, welcome

I too (and my wife) are overweight. It's hard isnt it!.  We have, 4 months ago, embarked on a sensible diet with only a little excercise. It was sparked because I get gout and that means I cant eat some foods.

Get the pie chart in your head. Meaning one quarter meat/fish, one quarter rice or pasta and one half of your plate should be vegies. Thats dinner.

Breakfast should be porridge- not instant but the stuff you should boil- great for digestion and health. Have fruit in it. If no fruit then half a teaspoon of suger.

Lunch should be a wrap with one slice of ham or some chicken and salad.

Have morning tea and afternoon tea snacks. Nuts, fruit etc but only a half a hand full.

Walk briskly for 20 minutes. Less than that and its a waste of time. You have to get your heart rate up to a point whereby your blood pressure goes down then back up again and that takes 20 minutes.

Clutter- I'm the opposite. Everything is neat and tidy here.  Try one area a day and attack it. Call on a friend for help. Be brave and strong- toss out stuff not used ver 12 months.  good luck

[AGrace]

Hi Gab,

Welcome to the forums. It's great that you've come here and put your hand up to say that you're struggling a bit. Acknowledging and sharing are the first couple of big steps.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend, I bet she felt really luck to have someone like you in her life. Grief can really play games with our emotions. There are many stages to grief, we don't go through them in a linear fashion, and unfortunately we can't escape going through them, it's all part of the healing process. 

Perhaps reaching out for some support is a really good way to honor your friend. 

In terms of work, what sort of work have you been doing in the past? What sorts of things do you find interesting? Do you have a hobby that you think you might be able to turn into a work opportunity? Obviously you don't have to go straight into full time work, it would probably be best to just do a few days a week, and perhaps not too many hours each shift. What sort of employment opportunities are available near you?

Regarding your weight concerns have you tried light exercise and healthy eating in the past? Sadly with this sort of issue it really takes a lifestyle change but you can ease into this. Setting an overall goal and then smaller goals would help you. I use the SMART goals principle. Specific (what is it exactly that you want to achieve?), Measurable (how will you know when you have achieved it?), Achievable (don't set a goal that you will never achieve or you will lose motivation), Realistic (can you actually achieve the goal in the time frame you have set?). Timed (when do you want to complete your goal?)

An example of a goal, I'd like to lose 3 kilograms in 4 weeks, by eating 3 healthy meals each day, by walking 4 days per week for 1/2 an hour each day, and by only having junk food on Saturday and Sunday, I will weigh myself at the beginning and then subsequently each week. If I achieve my goal I will reward myself by going out for a drink with my friends.

Setting small, smart goals will really help you get where you want to be. Have you spoken with a GP about your weight concerns? They usually have some really good advice and can even refer you to a dietitian to get you started.

It's difficult to battle finances when you are currently unemployed, however there are plenty of budgeting tips online.

I'm going to run out of characters, so I think I'll leave it there. Let me know your thoughts and I'm happy to give you some more advice if I can.

AGrace

[geoff]

dear Gab, thanks for posting your comment.

I'm so sorry to lose a friend is something which is so hard to cope with, especially when you are close.

WK and AGrace have given you so tips on how to lose some weight, but it can be a long battle, but very achievable.

I wonder how big your country town is and whether there is any chance of finding work or would this mean having to move. Geoff.

[jaspergirl]

Hey Gab,

Its great to meet you. I am so, so sorry for the loss of your best friend. I lost my son to SIDS in 2010 and i know the road to recovery can be anything but easy. Grief is a funny thing to deal with. It effects people in different ways and i know form my own experience that it can grab you tight with both hands and tries to drag you down. I too have had weight issues. When i was a teenager i could eat whatever i wanted and not have to worry about my weight. Fast food was my friend at times and i never put on one gram of weight. Fast forward to my 20's and its a whole different story. My metabolism slowed down and with taking my medication on a daily basis, the weight started to pile on. I gained a few extra kilos which i could handle. Unfortunately after losing my son, food became my best friend and i comfort ate to try and deal with my grief. Looking back it wasn't the best idea but i couldn't handle the sadness and trauma of my son not being with me. So i gained HEAPS of weight over a 12 month period. I couldnt control what i was feeling, nor what i was consuming. I know now that food had to be controlled. I  joined a gym, watched what i ate, drank 2 litres of water a day and began walking. I looked at myself in the mirror & realised that i did not like what i saw. it was like i was looking at a stranger, i was lost in my own body and i didnt like it. So i took a stand and told myself that i needed to change my lifestyle. 

After the birth of my second son in March this year, i have lost 16 kilos so far and i can actually see my toes again. I was so stoked to be able to see my little tooties when i moved them. This may seem odd, but for years, i could not see my toes because my belly got in the way. I Like the fact that with a little exercise and healthier eating habits, it is starting to pay off. 

You sound like you are determined for a better life. I know it can be scary sometimes when you want something so bad but dont know where to start. Baby steps. Try and set small goals to begin with.

As for your employment situation, maybe look at doing a short course at TAFE or somewhere similar. Once you have an interest for a career change, you can complete a course, get a qualification and it may lead to employment, meaning more cash in your pocket. I know this may feel like this is impossible but i am confident that you can and will have a rewarding career and this will also help you out of debt! 

Hope you have a wonderful day 

🙂