Over several years here I've noticed a common theme with nearly all members posts. They have elements of guilt, sorrow, worthlessness, despair and confusion.
I rarely if ever see spite, revenge, nastiness or anger.
To me that equates to people desparate to find peace in life, are often the one harmed by others, cannot find solutions to their illness and are "lost" mentally feeling very much alone with their challenges.
If this is you then you likely are putting other peoples needs above your own. You aren't well, you need care and consideration before you can perform your role to the maximum in your own family. Too often when family members know you have depression others think just taking your medication daily is the extent of what happens but thats ok with headaches, blood pressure and vitamin difficiency. Mental illness needs many extra changes from others and yourself.
When unwell it is justified and necessary to turn your focus onto yourself. You, being considerate of others will find this strange but selfishness for a period has its advantages...it results in you recovering and that will enable you to revert back to your family and friends needs. Point out to others that this period of self focus is temporary even though it feels you'll never recover. You will.
During your recovery guilty feelings will engulf you especially you incapacity to parent. This guilt needs to be offset by good feelings and it comes by way of expression - expression of kindness and appreciation.
In the following thread some of this is covered
Beyondblue Topic who cares for the carer?
In that thread I make a suggestion that if you are bedridden with depression you can show appreciation in subtle ways. If you can attend the bathroom or get a drink from the fridge, you can make a cup of tea for your partner when they arrive home from work. At least try...endeavor is everything.
That's one example of how kindness, the expression of it, doesnt have to disappear while ill. Family member as well need to know changes need to be made in their behavior, duties and expectations until your recovery is complete.
Thats what family is all about.
TonyWK
