Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you

[white knight]

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance?

Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said.

Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all.

Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say.

Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up?

We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on

Try to focus on these. It might help.

Tony WK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony

appreciate and thank you, it's nice when you help us by showing us which threads can give us more information.
I appreciate your help here.

I was triggered recently by a character I met who was unsafe - i realise I have been a bit upset about it. It might help me sometimes to talk about it with someone else and get a second opinion. Is it common that people can trigger you? Or small interactions?

He was controlling and dominant and I saw something there which scared me. He is someone I only know peripherally. As soon as I saw how he treated me and others I felt very upset and triggered.

[white knight]

Hi Sleepy

This is why I commenced this thread (I've written over 300).

I had a narcissistic mother and a great dad that was controlled by her. I'm triggered easily by people that don't use fact, tell me what to do or restrict me physically.

Ironically two previous relationships involved domineering women. I'd be triggered regularly.

In 1977-1980 I worked as a warder in the notorious Pentridge Jail. Now 42 years later some TV shows trigger me.

To me that means it's certain personalities that are more prone to triggers than others.

How do we overcome them? We don't, like living with depression and accepting it with techniques to minimalise the effects, triggers likely will never be eliminated. Better to allow them to come and do your best to shrug it off.

I did beat one trigger- the fear of blood. For 15 years after that workplace mentioned, I held that fear. Then one day ready for a blood test, I told myself "its just coloured water"...it worked, I had no fear then on.

Then again I still get triggered checking my letterbox. At 18yo while in the air force my mother wrote dramatic letters. That's another story

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony - i agree with what you're saying - some personalities are more affected by triggers. Also that it's okay.

I also have lots of domineering personalities in my family - am only just realising it - how it affected me growing up. I still don't like very domineering approaches, pushiness. People like this come up every so often and present triggers.

Well done on conquering the fear of blood. It's amazing how some of them can be left behind.

I'

[Guest_1643]

It would be a good one to move past and feel not afraid of. and to feel that it is no longer a trigger. I hope I can feel the same about some of my triggers in the future. See them fade away.

[ecomama]

quirkywords said:

Hello everyoneWhat I find hard is in relationships when I am not sure what triggered an emotion.

i also find if partner does or says something that a previous partner says I can over react but at least I am aware.

Tony and EM thanks for sharing your thoughts . EM was your BF stranded overseas due to virus or living there. It must be ver hard.

I had LDR when I was younger with a sailor until I found out a girl in every port was not a cliche!!!

Oh dear about the sailor! I know it's NOT a cliche!

Can you imagine the big time triggers with my fiancee about "other women" since my last 2 husbands had cheated? AND we were separated by an entire Ocean? omg lol.
BOTH husbands.
The last one was a very sick serial cheat, I mean really sick in so many ways.

So I was DONE with relationships full stop.

Dealing with infidelity is it's own mish mash of ugliness and deserves it's own thread. Man did my fiancee and I have "work" to do on that! He has patience of Biblical proportions lol!

Quirky, my fiancee is an American citizen, born and bred.
He lives in the U.S. and works as an engineer repairing Covid testing and making instruments - Enter MORE triggers this year!

So just when you think you've got all the triggers possible, enter more.

We plan to marry one day, no idea "when"... but weirdly enough, it's the most solid relationship I've had.
I put this down to both of us having strong characters (in spite of our personalities lol).

It DOES take "two to tango". The match of those 2 is pinnacle ofcourse.

It's very hard being apart for both of us, but when we're together it's the most magical and beautiful series of experiences that we can never forget. Just the best.

I'm so grateful.

Covid cancelled our plans for this Christmas and his birthday sadly. Very sad as we were bringing my children over to meet his family spread out all across America, which is a cultural experience in itself. He has a very loving family. They're VERY supportive of our relationship.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Sleepy21 said:

I was triggered recently by a character I met who was unsafe - i realise I have been a bit upset about it. It might help me sometimes to talk about it with someone else and get a second opinion. Is it common that people can trigger you? Or small interactions?

He was controlling and dominant and I saw something there which scared me. He is someone I only know peripherally. As soon as I saw how he treated me and others I felt very upset and triggered.

Sleepy remember WHY we're triggered when this happens...

It may be schemas formed in childhood (plenty of research on this and you can actually find the exact ones that trigger you from this research)... I've done it and it's HELPFUL. You probably have also lol.

Ofcourse it could also be the experiences we've had in adulthood. No underestimating those.

But overall it's our amygdala or reptilian brain flaring up... signalling DANGER! RUN!
This inbuilt mechanism is there to keep us SAFE. Pretty much to save our lives by activating the 'fright / flight / freeze' mechanism.

All animals have it, being animals so do we lol.

We may have this amygdala reaction even when we are physically safe but not psychologically safe.
As you witnessed and saw this person being horrible to you and others = not safe.

I think yours was a perfectly HEALTHY reaction to danger to your psychological wellbeing.

If we feel that we have over reacted (and those of us with PTSD question ourselves ALL the time over this I fin) then we can find ways to deal then.

But staying safe is your priority.
Brene explains this .... "our mind wants "good guy / bad guy" etc etc... it wants FIRM black and white conclusions.
Our minds don't like "grey" lol.

Hence the need for BOUNDARIES.

But I've also learnt not to trust anyone 100% and Brene supports this thinking, thank goodness because she's my guru lol.

Gosh I hope that made sense to you! It's late, please forgive me if it's mumbo jumbo lol.

Love EM

[Guest_1643]

Hi EM and Tony and all here reading
That makes a lot of sense

I have had someone do some sort of schema chart for me about which type of schema I have...
I didn't understand it but it was scarily accurate. Abuse/neglect or something like that. I think he sent it to me to check. Does Brene discuss this too???
I really like your explanation and it was very interesting. Our bodies just trying to protect us.

I recently did a beautiful mindfulness/trauma excercise and it really calmed me as I was feeling very low. After doing the excercise, I realised why I was feeling low. I had been watching back to back episodes of this show in my downtime with very dark themes... I enjoyed the show and thought nothing of it... I can't believe how often I do this to myself and it's interesting... Going TOWARDS the trigger rather than AWAY
I would actually still watch the show in small doses but binging a show with suicide themes - why would i do that? It's interesting to see the moment of choice where you can walk away from something. I guess I always want to feel invincible - like I can expose myself to even dark things and not be effected.
It feels "weak" to have to be like "No, I can't watch that show, it's too MUCH FOR ME"

but really we are only human. If we watch depressing things we may feel depressed, eventually.

[white knight]

Being triggered when you have safety concerns can be a natural reaction.

I saw a seminar video by Dr Gray in Sydney about ADHD. He said tgat ADHD developed back in cave man days when men protected their family and food, constantly looking out for danger.

So being reactive to safety issues is not harmful, remaining hurt by others for extended periods is a real trigger growing to dwelling, now that's a health concern

TonyWK

[Guest_1643]

Hi Tony

I totally know what you mean about being hurt by others and holding on that pain, resentmnent -that is a health concern. You're right being self-protective is quite healthy and necessary.
If something hurts, we need to feel that small "ouch" to know that it's something we don't like and must avoid.
If we don't feel that "ouch" we may continue to get hurt... so feelig an uncomfortable feeling about someone and heeding it is part of staying safe.

I think it's hard when your body gets confused due to trauma and no longer registers that "ouch" - i'm only starting to feel it. That's interesting about ADD Ill check out that speaker.

[quirkywords]

Hi everyone reading,

Sleepy yes I avoid grisly violent movies before bed but I do like a movie that makes me feel and often cry!!

I find that obvious triggers like about fires dont always trigger but thearing someone call the lad where place was a clean slate, made me go quite low.

I wish I had a small ouch as I dont see that but get a guge pain after it is tool late to avoid trigger. thanks EM for your reply.