Theory, practice and insight

[white knight]

A couple of years ago I sought my 10 visits under a care plan. I attended a psychologist.

At the end of the sessions she told me her thoughts. "You are one of the lucky ones Tony, you have insight into you illnesses, and you know the theory, your challenge is putting it all into practice. You need to put a lid on your emotions and think more before you react."

Back to that in a moment. My wife of 5 years has dyslexia, I've known her 30 years now. When she can't spell a word she asks me. I spell the word without her feeling inadequate. When young she was ridiculed and labelled "dumb". But being dyslexic has little to do with intelligence. She reads books, does our finances, plans holidays and so on. She just has a hard time spelling and with arithmetic.

So the connection I see here is that humans have abilities and inabilities. We have areas where we don't perform to a level we want to be at.

Geniuses can have vision or thoughts well beyond 99.9% of the population but some can't put oil in their car, pump up tyres or test a battery. Churchill defended the world from Hitler but he couldn't shake the " black dog".

So back to "putting theory into practice." I've been trying really hard to ...count to ten before I raise my voice at confronting people, be more patient with others. Seek time out when the bipolar mood arrives etc. But I'm now of the opinion that I have found my limits and therefore found my inabilities, identified both ends of my capabilities and what's important, I've come to terms with this knowledge. I've found peace in this process.

Isnt that significant? Sure is. To me it signals that my incapacity to act on the symptoms of my illnesses actually proved they are indeed serious medical conditions and that means there is darn good reason not to be able to overcome.

Such inability is in my opinion equal to other peoples barriers like dyslexia, socially inept, addicts of many fixes, speech impediment and so on.

The key is giving it your best effort, then accepting that all humans are imperfect. Focussing on what you do well and accepting what you are incapable of doing well as being OK.

The sheer weight on your shoulders of mental illness often leads to low self esteem and withdrawal. Stand proud that you try.

There is no better feeling when at the end if the tunnel that you've accepted who you are.... Worts and all.

Do you have difficulty putting theory into practice? Do you have insight into your illness?

Tony WK

[SubduedBlues]

Great post Tony.

Personally I have never had the patience to count to ten, so what I do is

1. completely exhale
2. inhale
3. speak

I find that completely exhaling​ first ensures that I have sufficient time to not burst out in flaring red anger. Also, in order to say whatever is on my mind, I need to inhale before I can do so; and that inhalation is more time to think before reacting.

I also agree with your sentiments of: Focusing on what you do well and accepting what you are incapable of doing well as being OK. Its very similar to my version that I preach to my kids: influence change in that which you can, and learn to peacefully tolerate that which you cannot.

For me, peacefully tolerate means that the other person is completely unaware that you totally disagree with their behaviours and are merely tolerating them.

SB

[Croix]

Dear Tony~
Your philosophy strikes me as eminently sensible. I think it is only realistic to recognize there are limits to improvements to major long-standing illnesses and that when a certain level is reached the increments, if any, get smaller and smaller (log scale?)

I was first diagnosed with stress-related disorders in the 70’s and declared TPI in the 80’s. From then on things first went down, and since that lowest point have improved, partly by medications, therapies, amazing family support, time and partly by learning to fill my life, accommodate my shortfalls and to avoid triggers. I’ve come to know my limits – mostly. (This reminds me of your other recent thread Fortress…)

It’s not a done deal, I’m still learning and changing, but I’ve accepted I’m not the person who started out. It doesn’t mean I’ve given up all hope of further improvement – for example the meds I’ve been on for the last 2 years have really improved things and came out of the blue - but it does mean accepting.

I now mostly know my strengths, I'm pretty sure I can live though the symptoms, I hopefully know when my judgment is likely to be affected (doesn’t mean I make the right decisions though:(

While not as care-free as before my injury, and with no ‘endless horizons’ ahead of me, life still has much.

My best wishes

Croix

[white knight]

Hi Criox

Thanks, you are doing a lot of reading.

There was a time I had not accepted my mental illnesses. I could accept my physical ones, DVT, gout, ulcers and the likes. They had visible symptoms or effects.

This is a poem I wrote at that time.

LEGS OF SPOKE

How can I let them know?

When the dark exceeds the glow

When the sun hides behind the clouds

Silence they hear...but I scream so loud.

Some stand beside a 6 foot hole

Shake their heads and see its toll

They ask how he could have dropped

Out of the circle -a forget me knot

Yet they seem to see clear and there is hope

When they sight a person with legs of spoke

A crippled girl pushing her chair

A man be manic- there's no one there.

"Storm in a tea cup" hurts so bad

Like the cyber crow who remains so glad

Keeps flying and in full flight

Achieves his art...in the middle of the night

For some in power see it their way

Even at the side of a 6 foot grave

Shake their head and call out "why"

"Why on earth- he didnt have to die".

So kind some be they reach out so true

Smile away "we want to meet you"

Bring along your vintage car and your smile"

But leave - what's behind your dial.

So we laugh and dine and all's ok

Leave at home come what may

If I be saddled with legs of spoke

They'd lift me around- bloody good bloke.

But as my mind hurts so bad

Cannot hide my feelings- mad?

Can no longer be bloody good bloke

Sometimes I wish.....

I had legs of spoke......

Tony WK

Cont

[white knight]

So you can see, I was at the same point most of us are in the infancy of diagnosis. Then there was a turn. I began to "fight back". Here was the result and quite a contrast

SOCIETY OF SAND

I’m sitting in a desert

Upon sand of friend and foe

Can’t find a piece of turf

Where I cannot stand on toes

I collect a handful of grain

Then watch as it escapes

Just like some friendships

A barren temporary landscape

I create my own oasis

By weeping on a weed

But the sand around me laughs

Cause it doesn’t have a need

Till lately it be the friends

That helped me walk the land

They holding me up under my feet

-supportive grains of sand

I begin to sink so slowly

As they gather my precious hide

The quick sand laughing so loud

A kind man says goodbye

And as I become one of ‘them’

My heart now granuled and dry

I try to weep to water the weed

But sand has no means to cry

Damn it! I struggle so

Be damned if I be like them

I crawl out of the society of sand

To remain the man I am…

So perhaps it is common for us all to go through the processes from realization of an illness, initial treatment and acceptance. That our journey didn't have in it the intention of such illnesses, the default was we'd go through life without them. Like many things, it happened to others not me.

Tony WK (hope the poetry didn't bore you lol)

[Croix]

Thank you Tony

C

[Elizabeth CP]

I think we also need to be aware of our limitations NOW. We may still be working on things And hoping to improve but that can take time. In the meantime having strategies to deal with the problems that arise because of our current imperfections. For example when I'm really tired, stressed, frustrated etc I can blow up over even a lttle things. Trying to keep a lid on my feelings just makes it worse so the outburst is more damaging. I hope one day I will develop more patience, self control etc but in the meantime I need to manage the problem. In the past my husband would get very upset & then over-react following my outburst which then made things much worse. After discussion including joint sessions with my psychologist he now understands that sometimes I need to let off stream when things are bad & this does not reflect on him it is just the situation/ stresses etc getting to me causing the problem. I try to warn him that I am upset & let him know that I am not upset with him. This has made a big difference because he now understands what is happening & doesn't tke it personally & react. Hopefully one day I will overcome my problem but in the meantime this strategy is helping us manage it effectively.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth CP

Thanks for pointing out we are all works in progress - no matter at what stage and the importance of accepting and dealing with the now.

You example really resonates with me. My wife first blamed herself, then started to respond by doubting my love. Eventually we both came to understand what was happening and things improved immeasurably.

Thank you for that, I hope each day you achieve more and more in the fight I understand so well

Croix