Testing family members to their limits

[white knight]

Ok, so we can indeed explain away to family and friends as to why we acted a certain way. This could be seen as a way out to justify how we treated them.

However, if this reoccurs it becomes traumatic and very frustrating. Now double that if your family member ALSO has mental illness issues.

Such is the case with my family. Bipolar, depression, anxiety and dysthymia run like a vein of iron through us all. When we are all calm its great, when one person is manic or anxious it's challenging and when two persons are unwell it's a potential recipe for disaster. Family split is not only a possibility its highly likely.

Pride takes a front row in these disputes. Inflamed thoughts also make for difficulty in keeping things in perspective.

So what are the best methods to "save" your family?

- time out. But if necessary still communicate. Short carefully written text saying you love them but you need to clear your head for a while. It really means gold.

- remember how good its been. We tend to forget how we laugh and care for each other.

-consider their (and your) mental state. Ask others if they believe you have appeared unwell lately.

- regretful comments can destroy your family. The other party is already upset, you need to withdraw and say little. Time is a better healer than accusations.

- after some time try joking. Old activities you enjoyed together does wonders.

- sow the seeds of repair. Make that extra phone call after your first make up. "I just thought I'd ring to see how you're feeling? Make suggestions like "dont take offense but you might need more sleep".

It's a delicate fine line. We not so perfect individuals are quirky, temperamental and sensitive. Therefore silence can be golden and an unexpected hug can be too. Its all in the timing and frankly given my experience in observing my own behavior and that of my mentally unwell family members, I'm a long way from getting it right.

But we plug away enjoying the fruits of 95% happiness and 5% turmoil is a work in progress not because we are stubborn by nature (which we are), not because any one person is 100% wrong (which we could be) and not because we choose to have conflict. But it is because we are dealt a bad hand of mental illness.

There is one exception to conflict being dismissable. Cruelty. If a persons actions, regardless of having mental illness or not is of a cruel nature then it would be understandable for that person to be rejected.

Respect humane boundaries.

Tony WK

[highlysensitivepersonhsp]

Hi Quirky. Take your time. There is much about learning how to live in a healthy fashion.

And Tony...what an ordeal you have suffered in this life. I see myself in you. Trying to escape the suffering and the misery wrought by others. I have learned to be discerning. I don't get involved with many people. It's just not worth the heartache.

i am grateful to find like minded survivors here in this forum. A place where we can share safely what is on our minds and in our hearts. Wishing you peace and harmony. Warm wishes, Sandra.