Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

quirkywords · ‎21-12-2017

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

quirkywords · ‎06-01-2018

SM,

Thanks for clarifying that and sharing your thoughts.

I think the role the IC plays is different for everyone but for some it has been around for so long it seems hard to remember a time with out it.

As a child I can remember my IC telling me I was no good at sports so why try, that I was messy and would never change. Two things that are still true today!

I am wondering if anyone can remember the first time their Inner Critic came into their lives and if there was a reason and what the IC said to them.

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎06-01-2018

I think the IC is part of us which in a healthy person helps to identify what we are doing right or wrong & what we are good or bad at so we can make choices in our life. The problem is when the IC morphes into HC (harsh critic which focuses solely on the bad. For example my IC told me I was hopeless at sport. As a result I avoided sport as far as possible. I prefer to think that was my IC recognising my weakness so I could accept it & move on. I focused on things I enjoyed such as walking & later skiing & other adventurous activities so I didn't miss out. My HC was alive & well by the time I was 8. I remember starting a new school with lovely children. (I am now crying at the memory) I loved being there except my HC would tell me that the children were only nice to me because they were too nice to say what they really thought. My HC had been well schooled by the bullies at my previous school & constantly told me that I was unlikeable. I sometimes wonder if the HC would have eventually be drowned out if I'd stayed long enough. We were forced to move 18mths later after being caught in a bushfire. The first couple of years of high school just refueled my HC with further ammunition so I still struggle today due to my HC reminding me of how no-one likes me!!!

quirkywords · ‎06-01-2018

Elizabeth

Thanks for your moving words and sharing your memories.

I am teary now reading your words. That is so sad. It is sad that HC took over from the bullies and made your school life so difficult.

To me there is no difference between my HC and my IC , my IC is very harsh .

Quirky

Elizabeth CP · ‎06-01-2018

I am choosing to use HC to remind me of its purpose to put me down Just like bullies put people down to build themselves up. It has no positive purpose. Don't be fooled it is not there to help you improve unlike the KC which tells the truth & encourages.

quirkywords · ‎06-01-2018

Elizabeth,

thanks for your timely reminder.

HC see as never been my friend and I haver seen any positive points from my HC.

Quirky

Quercus · ‎07-01-2018

Hi Quirky and Elizabeth and anyone else reading too.

I still struggle today due to my HC reminding me of how no-one likes me!!!

well that is an easy statement to reply to really...

Hi Elizabeth 😊

Please tell your critic they're wrong.

I like you.

I see your name on threads and nod and think yes this will be a helpful reply.

So maybe I'm a stranger really but so what. I like you. That's my choice not the critic's.

❤ Nat

quirkywords · ‎07-01-2018

Hello everyone

Elziabeth,

I agree with Nat. When I see your name I know I will read something intelligent and thought provoking.

Nat, that was such a kind letter.Now I hope you can tell your HC the same thing or I will!!

Quirky

Doolhof · ‎07-01-2018

Hi Everyone,

I've had a bit of look back over the last few posts, but am still confused. Can someone please tell me what HC stands for?

My Inner Critic is becoming more mouthy again so I need to sort it out!

Cheers from Dools

Moonstruck · ‎07-01-2018

It's Harsh Critic I think Mrs Dools. someone correct me if wrong.

Mine has been curiously quiet these past few days. I wonder if its because I've been through very busy, stressful, full=on time running back and forth with changing internet providers, computer set ups, untangling cords, changing office furniture, notifying change of email and on and on. If the Inner Critic, the Harsh One had started up I would have fallen apart.

thankfully my Gentle Critic was to the fore and supported me all the way, even letting me cry when I was on my own and things got on top of me. She was great....encouraging me, soothing me, telling me how well I had done, "nearly there now" - that sort of thing! I am not sure how we both managed to shut up the Inner Harsh Critic for at least a while.. but she can stay away as long as she likes...we don't want her any more!! Love to all struggling with their HCs.....I do know how it feels....xo

Guest8901 · ‎07-01-2018

Ah okay, thanks for the clarification there Moonstruck. Like Dools I was wondering.

When it comes to the HC, well its been running riot for me lately. Its so hard to keep this Harsh Inner Critic at bay. I certainly have not learned the art as yet.

Moonstruck I'm really happy that you've discovered a more Gentle version of inner critic. May she reign supreme! And please send a version of her to me, if you will. Or better still, bottle her and make a fortune by selling her to all those others who struggle with the Harsh inner critic.

Amanda