Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Starting New sorry you are not doing so well.

I suppose I think it as gathering data and as much information.

So each day , I observe if my inner critic starts getting loud. Say I drop a glass on the floor breaking the glass and spilling juice everywhere. As I clean it up I start thinking how stupid and clumsy I am and how I should be more careful etc. So I write down those thoughts, the time , and how long those thoughts lasted. Just an idea. Really whatever works for you will be the easiest. If you like drawing you could do faces of how you feel etc.

For me I want to see if my Ic comes from an incident or words spoken to me or just because I am dwelling. So I will want to put the critics comment s in a context.

Quirky

[startingnew]

that is rather a good idea Quirky. thank you for sharing i might do the same and see if i can find a patter or what my main causes are too- might help to write down what helps in there too.

thank you ❤️

[smallwolf]

My inner critic works overtime when overwhelmed by things to do and the not knowing if what I did worked. And when you told to suck it up.

On sick leave when doing stuff that is closer to my values, and interacting with other people and talking about mental health, my inner critic is quieter.

This might not work for everyone.

As for what works, a number of suggestions are contained in the happiness trap. The author said not all tricks will work for and it's a case of working out what works for the individual. I have mentioned these before. Such as saying thank you to your mind. Or using a funny voice to say the negative thought. It singing the negative thought. Something to recognise that it is just a thought.

Hope this helps.

[Music_Freak]

Having a bit of a bad night tonight...inner critic is quite loud.

I did a lot of cleaning and re-arranging today and as soon as I got into bed about an hour ago...it started...you should keep going, you could've done more, you live in a pigsty - how can you go to bed and stop.

Nothing I do is good enough...I'm aching and sore, but still the voice is there 😞

[Chloe_M]

MF,

first off, the fact that you made the effort to clean is really good! Shows that you were motivated 👍

Please try not to listen to your critic. It's talking crap. Were you feeling really tired or sore? You mentioned 'aching and sore', I'm wondering if the critic 'attacked' because you were a little vulnerable.

I hope you feel better today.

xx Chloe

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Yes SN, I forgot to mention I was going to write what I tried and if it worked and how I felt. Thanks for remninding me. I have already had two incidents and I have only started this 12 hrs ago!! I may write one up later on here. Thanks for giving it a go.

Smallwolf,

Thanks for your suggestions they are helpful. I think with some of the ideas from the Happiness Trap which I own, is that one may try it once and it doesn't help and then not bother to try it again. Some of them depends on the mood oneisin. When I am down a funny voice or singing did not work.Also as you said every one is an individual and it is a matter of trying to see what helps.

i agree when stressed and overwhelmed inner critic work overtime . Sometimes even when I feel ok my self doubt is there and inner critic thrives on it.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Music freak , sorry you had a bad night. Like Chloe, I am impressed you did a great job cleaning.

Small wolf mentioned a few suggestions, and SN and I are trying to write down when our inner critic is loud and learn wat works and doesnt etc. Scroll back and you will see our posts.

Also s Chloe says

[quirkywords]

Music ,hope you got some sleep.

SN and I are going to write down our interactions with inner critic- scroll back to see. We may see a reason for inner critic, like Chloe suggest as you were tired and vulnerable, and wrote down things that work. You did a great job cleaning , tell your inner critic that.

Small wolf also had some ideas.

Music you are trying and that is good, sometimes when my critic is putting me down I try to drown it out saying all the good things I did.You could say, I am pleased with what I did, I achieved a lot, my place looks good. I worked hard and achieved a lot.

It is not easy to quiten the voice we have heard for years but it is worth trying. You are really determined and achieved a lot. We're you pleased with yourself.

Chloe, thanks for your support . How is your inner critic?

Quirky

[Chloe_M]

Hi quirky and everyone else,

quirky my inner critic is fairly quiet today... Tried to convince me to not go for a bike ride... I went anyway, but at first I said I didn't want to go, I gave in to the anxiety and the critic. But I then reconsidered and went. The critic was whispering things like "what if you fall off and make a fool of yourself?" And "you look ugly in activewear". But as soon as I was riding down my street, going really fast down the hill, it went away. am very proud of myself 😎

What about you? How active has your critic been today?

chloe

[Music_Freak]

Feeling VERY tired and sore today, so my critic seems non existent, that or I just can't focus on them. Maybe all I need to do to shut them up is work myself into a state of complete exhaustion...

I will read back and give the writing a go. My psychologist wants me to do something similar for our next session.