Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone

Starting New,

yes thought challenging our inner critic has been mentioned but is worth reminding us.Nat wrote a letter a hill back challenging her inner critic on many points and standing up and really being strong and showing the inner critic how wrong it was/

Have you done it as an exercise?

I have tried it and written it don and the process of writing don thenegtive thoughts and challenging them can sho me how destructive and unhelpful they are.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

I've done it as an exercise Quirky....writing down IC's comments and replying to them, shooting her down in flames actually......it was fun getting the upper hand over her...I am just getting through something very challenging and demanding and with flying colours so far.....so it has certainly shut her up for the time being! Wonder how long it will last though.

We seem to have bad memories for our achievements, and crystal clear ones for our stuff-ups!! How can we turn that around do you reckon? love Moon S x

[quirkywords]

Hello all

hi Moon, glad the exercise worked for you.

That is another great question.

Why do we have bad memories, vague memories for our achievements abut crystal clear memories for our mistakes ?

I would like to know what others think?

I know my critic late at night when I can't sleep reminds me of all the times I have messed things up .I was told that talking about my achievements is bragging and boasting and I find that hard to overcome. Any thoughts?

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Quirky....just to clarify...I don't talk about my achievements, boast or brag about them to my friends, colleagues, people "out here" all the time....I just feel free to be open and honest here on Forum though. I hope I don't come across as bragging.....I have to "boast and brag" to Inner Critic though...otherwise she will push me right under!

have a good day everyone.....xo

[Elizabeth CP]

I think boasting or bragging is different to sharing your achievements with close friends or family. Boasting or bragging is telling others about yourself or what you have done to make yourself appear better than others so it is very negative. As a child && a teenager my parents wanted us to talk about our achievements so they could celebrate with us. It didn't matter if it was big or small if it mattered to us they liked to know so they could share our happiness & know what mattered to us. Each of us were encouraged to pusue our own personal goals so there was no comparisons between us.

On the forums we do the same. When people share successes it inspires others & it is good to know the poster who often has been struggling has some success. Of course as Moon said we need to be very cautious about sharing acheivements because other s can mistakenly think we're boasting & react by putting us down which we don't need.

[quirkywords]

Hello all

Moon,

Sorry I did not mean you meant to brag- was saying that is how I interpreted. I agree we should be able to be proud and open and honest, I am sorry if I was confusing in my language. I get enthusiastic hen I post and sometimes my words get tangled.

I understood what you meant that is why i repeated what you said as I thought it was wise and helpful.

Elizabeth thanks for clarifying. As I wrote above I was just saying how I was brought up and how I feel but I would like to be open abut what I can do and not always dwelling on my many shortcomings.

I like writing but maybe as I get older my meaning is not always clear.I can work on that!

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

You're a wonderful person Quirky...and I love the conversations we have on here! Don't go anywhere because I would miss you muchly. I am jumpy and twitchy today because not at the end of my big challenge yet....and managing things OK so far....(some would say very well...but they don't know what a gigantic effort it is for me...as you know I hide my anxieties and fears well).......I am wondering now if there will be a giant void of darkness to fill once my task is completed. (we are never satisfied are we).......love Moon S xoxoxo

[quirkywords]

Hello all,

Moon thanks for your kind words.

I think when one challenge finishes another is waiting around the corner.

My inner critic keeps telling meI cant cope when times are good because it whispers that things will get bad again soon.

Quirky

[Croix]

Dear Quirky, Moon, Elisabeth and all~

Quite often in the past I've thought both on on talking about achievements here, and about how one's errors end up under a sort of personal microscope. I have a feeling that microscope works more effectively after midnight for some reason:)

Anyway I think Elizabeth is spot-on saying "When people share successes it inspires others". As an example I was initially reluctant to share my good fortune in two happy marriages, but eventually decided it was better for others here to know such things were attainable by ordinary people, not just impossible dreams.

Also that by bearing in mind in myself - and in a moderate way mentioning to others when appropriate - my personal successes I'm leaving less fodder for that microscope, hopefully my thoughts become more balanced and less negative.

Yes Quirky, I suppose things can get bad, life has no real guarantees, however you will cope, and each time you do the strength and practice gained makes the next misfortune less of an obstacle (I'm sure I'm singing to the choir / teaching granny ... / etc here:)

Croix

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

I like it when the walrus visits. Thanks Croix.

Your post is very helpful. I think that our inner critic often tells us not to show off our achievements but magnifiesour flaws. Thats why I started this thread to work out a balance.

It is always good to know that people have achieved things I am aspiring for and vice versa.

Keep on being the walrus and be proud to say I am the walrus!!

Quirky