Talking to your inner critic, can it be tamed?

[quirkywords]

Do you have an inner critic ? Have you ever tried to talk to your inner critic. This is what happened when I tried. In my Be yourself thread people asked about how I interviewed my inner critic. So here it is.

This is adapted from a writing exercise to interview your inner critic about one's writing. As my inner critic has an opinion all aspects of my life I decided to broaden the scope of the interview.

Me: I welcome (well I don't really) this opportunity to find out why you always need to have an opinion that is always negative about me and my life.

IC: I thought this was going to be a friendly interchange of ideas but there you go with your anger and hostile remarks. I do not see myself as negative but as helping you, because you do need help.

I am here to help you why can't you see that?

Me: So when I am trying to sleep and you tell me about all my mistakes, embarrassing moments, how does that help me?

IC: I thought while you are in bed you would have time to consider some of your past behaviours. This I feel will only help you to improve.

Me: If you are so helpful why do I feel so worthless, so sad, so ignorant when you are around? Do you really know how low I can feel when you are constantly telling me all my faults?

IC: You make yourself feel that way- I am merely pointing out the truth. It is not my problem that you are so weak.

Me: Maybe this was a bad idea you are never going to listen to me or understand me.

IC: Have you ever thought that maybe you shouldn't listen to me if I upset you so much.

Me How can I ignore you when you are so loud at times.

IC: See this is what I mean you are so weak. You have the power to ignore me, to silence me but all you do is whinge and complain.

Me: I am ending this interview. Enough is enough.

What would you say to your inner critic and what do you want to hear from your inner critic? Maybe you can have a go at interviewing your inner critic.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

I am going to write a letter to my child self, from my adult self....thank you for the idea Elizabeth. (does it matter if I cry all the way through?).....Moon S.

[Elizabeth CP]

I cried in the session with the psych as I explained what had happened & how I felt. Writing to myself also involved lots of tears wishing someone had put their arm around me and encouraged me to talk. I can still remember this lady telling mum to send me back to school so mum could have a break (& start recovering from what happened) The message to me was I needed to protect my mum by not ever speaking about what happened. Of course this extended to everyone as mum was the only one who could possible understand.

Sorry I've digressed. tears are fine I'm now crying.

[quirkywords]

Moon, I have interviewed my inner critic and written letters to myself but I am not sure what my adult would say to my child. I did not have any childhood trauma or was bullied , I was juts unpopular.

I may try it.

Does anyone think by writing the letter to their child self that may help them to tame their inner critic and improve their self esteem? Is that the reasoning?

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Every case is different. In my case some of the harsh critics statements were based on what happened to me as a child & the guilt I feel about how I acted at the time. The letter was to help provide a more rational perspective tp tame that aspect of my harsh critic. Obviously if there were no significant issues in your childhood then writing to your child is irrelevant. The focus needs to be on what things most trigger the harsh critic & then work out a more reasonable message to tell yourself.

[quirkywords]

My inner critic is due to low self esteem I have had since birth because I have always I felt I don't fit in. No reason just do.

So does that mean I am stuck with my inner critic , as I can't write a letter to my inner child and IC did not listen when I interviewed it.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky (and everyone 😊),

I'm not sure that arguing or ignoring or throwing a wobbly or debating with my inner critic has helped really. I've tried these. Short term I feel ok but the doubts creep back in.

And then today a friend wrote to me on my thread. And made me feel so good. So I wonder why do we think we are alone with challenging our inner critic. We're not.

I may not see my good. But others do. And that feedback is important from people we trust and respect.

When we left highschool my year did an activity called warm fuzzies. We wrote what we liked about everyone and had to sign our name. I held onto one for years. A popular girl who I thought hated me wrote. When we started highschool I was introduced to you by our friend who you'd known for years. All of us liked you. I have always wondered why you chose to leave our group and make different friends. I missed you and wanted to be your friend.

This stunned me. My friend was very popular. Her group were sporty and wealthy and older in many ways and very mean to eachother. I watched them make fun of eachother and thought I don't fit here. I'm chubby and a nerd and live in the poor part of town and a prudish virgin. I have nothing these kids like or want and they probably all laugh behind my back. And I don't want to be like them either. So I found new friends. And always thought I was a joke to them. The fat nerd who was stupid enough to pass up on being popular.

So Quirky... Your little girl didn't fit in. Let me reassure her for you...

Dear Quirky,

Different is amazing. I don't want you to be the same as everyone else. That would be boring.

Ask your questions. Be curious. Wonder. Be indecisive. None of those things are bad things. I find them fabulous.

You are a lovely interesting intelligent person. And I like you. Please embrace your inner "weird" because it draws the right sort of people to you. Those who like different too. Those who like me think there is no such thing as normal.

Young Quirky when the voice inside whispers to you... You don't fit in. Challenge it. Why do you want to fit in? Would it make you feel happy? Would it make you feel good about yourself?

Why be a cookie cutter replicate when you can be unique? You're great exactly how you are. You fit in just fine!

Love Nat

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirky, Quercus, and everyone else,

Quercus, absolutely spot on.

Why not be who are are, always be true to yourself, I'm different, but I am me.

love your post Quercus, thank you.

Karen.

[quirkywords]

Everyone,

Thanks Nat.

I am so moved by what you wrote I am lost for words.

Young quirky may not have been able to understand your compasionate words but Old quirky does. I think now I like being different in fact . Nat you have gift of kindness and I do hope one day you receive that gift from yourself.

Karen yes Nat's post was so touching.

Quirky

[Quercus]

Hi Quirky and GGrand 😊

Wooohooooo! Can you hear me celebrating all the way over in WA?

I think now I like being different in fact

Love this. Love love love it. So bloody glad it reasonated with you both. Made my day!

Just think.... What is scary about an inner critic when we can just come on here and ask for a different opinion? Nothing!

Inner critic... Nat you are weird.

Me... The consensus on BB is that weird is ok... so back off you obnoxious toad and let me enjoy my cuppa in peace.

Inner critic... Riiiiiigght (backs off slowly).

A new day tomorrow everyone. If your inner critic starts harrassing youlet us know ok? Maybe we can find the words to put the critic back in it's box.

❤ Nat

[quirkywords]

Nat

now I am smiling.

In whole life I have never called anyone on or offline real or imagined an obnoxious toad.

I admire your spirit

My inner critic is not easily put off. When I quote positives people have said to me , my inner critic says"what do you expect they say what you want to hear, me I tell the truth"

However I am choosing not to believe inner critic and to glow in my aura of weirdness!!!

Thanks everyone, Thanks Nat..

Quirky