Successfully overcoming challenges

[white knight]

Have you ever paid off a car, a boat or a washing machine? Did you cellabrate?

Well I might be unusual but just after the half way point, thats when I celebrated. This was on the basis that I owned more of my car than the finance company. I had equity. If I had to sell the car after I paid off the finance company I'd have money left over. Overall, have I succeeded?. I think so.

So here on this forum challenges like seeking self esteem, curing anxiety and depression and becoming 'normal'. It seems there is this determination to fully overcome ones mental illness, a personal quest that is expected even demanded...by ourselves. Talk about putting pressure on our lives!

I put it to you. That a depressed individual that spent a long period of time out of the workforce finally finds employment, is successful and more successful if such s job was maintained . The fact that the depression remains as a continual challenge is a given. If the sufferer doesnt acknowledge successful steps unless they are complete steps i.e to rid their lives of depression as in this example, then success, accomplishment, might not ever be felt. That can only hinder your progress.

Regular pats on the back, token personal rewards and self praise is essential from ourselves. Indeed it is of greater importance than from others because we cannot always depend on others 24/7...but we ourselves are always there.

If we treat others remarks of praise as a rubber stamp of our own internal comments and relish in them, value them, then we'll feel successful.

If we only rely on others and not ourselves to acknowledge our slow steps of improvement we could be seriously delaying progress bevause rarely does praise from others feel like it is enough, its never enough because we are damaged.

Challenging yourself takes courage. Praising and rewarding yourself takes practice and habit forming attitude change.

"I got out of bed, I succeeded"

"Well I've had my shower and now I have to go back to bed...well, see if I can do an hour of gardening tomorrow...I'm successful today in what I accomplished."

Success is a frame of mind. To identify success as being a thousand snippets of qualification rather than one giant hurdle to overcome. Overcoming that hurdle is unrealistic, then do yourself a favour and recognise that small completions of success is great.

Then treating yourself to a chocolate and coffee will be frequent as success will be...often.

Tony WK

[BballJ]

Hi white knight,

Another superb post by yourself. I haven't actually thought of this before and this is 100% correct... when I read it, I thought of it in terms of weight loss... they have said for ages, set small goals like losing 5 kgs instead of just saying I want to lose 20 kgs... losing the 5 kgs and celebrating the achievement really pushes you to keep going to achieve the next 5 and then the next 5 and the next 5 and before you know, you have lost 20 kgs and celebrated 4 times along the way. I think we need to celebrate the little things because every positive thing you do is helping you on your journey to recovery.

Amazing post again.

My best for you,

Jay

[white knight]

Hi Jay

Good point and relevant.

Ive lost 11kg in 11 weeks. No bread (except wholegrain flat bread), no sugar, no potatoes, no pasta, no rice.

Pasta and rice only consumed if boiled with a tablespoon of coconut oil then refrigerated for 12 hours. That halves the calories. You can google that.

The diet success of losing 5 kg can hit home when we carry 5 kg of potatoes for any distance. So it is success to lose it.

Its also an extension of the half glass full or half empty senario. This is a transformation I underwent in 1982. Readers can google

Topic: 30 minutes can change your life- beyondblue

Tony WK

[highlysensitivepersonhsp]

Hi Tony and others.

I have been on the path to wellness for more than 25 years now. I have had some big successes and some small. I like to think of success as reward for effort. So every time I make progress towards my goal, I consider that success. My rewards so far have been confined to mental satisfaction.

Putting my goal into words is difficult. It tends to be something that shifts over time and with experience. At the moment I'm working on aligning my thoughts, feelings and behaviours with a positive sense of being. This has involved removing barriers to success like changing habits of perfectionist thinking in relation to myself and others.

It has been important to me to stop expecting others to be perfect or that they get it right all the time. The same goes for me. More accepting rather than judging. It's nice to celebrate the wins, but equally it's important to allow for the losses. I have had some major losses in my life that elicit a grief response. This is symptomatic of my attachment to my past goals in life. I have had to readjust.

When I think of the losses I choke back tears and feel my mood drop with the disappointment. After all these years I still have not happily redefined myself in a way that I am happy with. I still search for meaning to my existence in a world that has thrown me on the scrap heap.

No family. No friends. No job.

When I feel negative I am not grateful for my public housing, my car, my little conveniences of life. When I feel positive I feel intense gratitude compared to those who are worse off than I am. When I am neutral it doesn't bother me so much and I just get on with things.

I guess I am saying that winning and losing are complex and that they depend on many factors, including your idea of celebration discussed by Tony in the original post. Although I wouldn't want to depend on others for that either. There is a danger of dependency that is fostered by the system at present. A healthy balance of internal and external rewards would be preferable to my sense of wellness. I think Tony says the same thing as me regarding this.

I just wanted to add to the discussion and talk about my own experiences. I hope others come forward with theirs.

Cheers,

Sandra.

[Wilma1]

Hi everyone, learning to take small steps has/is difficult for me.....but I'm getting the hang of it.....slowly. Not at the reward stage yet, but it's on the bucket list. I thought you had to be healthy/whole/healed before you had anything to offer or say, but just recently I've been visiting the lighter threads to gain a bit of confidence and I'm enjoying it.

I agree Sandra, it's hard to be positive on negative days and recognise what I actually do have, a roof over my head and food to eat and the company of a little dog who loves me as much as I love her.

It helps knowing others have struggled with similar issues. The losses...well they have cost dearly and sometimes/often still do, but I'm realising the struggles have given me different strengths that I wouldn't have had they not been part of my life. I'm not pretending to have acceptance yet, just a realisation. W

[Starwolf]

Another great thread, Tony. A big thank you.

When we look upon someone's major achievement, what we see is only a tiny fraction of the whole story. Often, success is preceded by a long, difficult journey made of tiny but consistent steps. Over time, those have accumulated into long distance travel. There's often been repeated setbacks on the way with temporary loss of motivation and energy to continue. There's been rejection, exhaustion, bumping into dead ends, losing the plot for a while, even utter despair. Stories of instant, easy success are few...a bit like those lottery wins we hear do happen but keep eluding us.

Are we there yet ? Nope, nowhere near. But if we stop stressing about it, we can then focus on the journey and find there's often a lot to enjoy right where we are.

[highlysensitivepersonhsp]

A beautiful post Starwolf. Such soothing words spoken from one who is wise.

"Stop stressing". Such good advice. Just soak in where you're at. The disappointment will dissipate.

Wilma, the world would be a silent place if we had to be whole, healed and healthy before we could say anything. If my studies of life have taught me anything, there is no one who has ever lived who meets that criteria. Everything is a work in progress. So speak up! We love to hear your story.

Even the great teachers only saw part of the process, not the whole. For example, Jesus was probably wrong when he told the adulterous woman he saved from stoning to go and sin no more. She may have been in a loveless marriage or a victim of abuse. He was fixated on the rules rather than the facts, let alone the issues. Some lawyer he turned out to be! And Buddhas insight was not nearly enough to enlighten people about what we now know from western science.

So you see. None of us is whole, healed and healthy. Maybe it's not possible.

Sandra

[Starwolf]

Thank you for your kind acknowledgment, Sandra.

Wise ? I don't think so ...just less silly and over-reactive than I used to be. As I recently pointed out, we often cannot change the way things are but changing our perspective ends up changing everything ! There is humour in Life...

[highlysensitivepersonhsp]

I vote for your definition of wisdom...being less silly and reactive than you used to be. Sounds good. I have a long way to go. I am still quite silly and reactive at times. But I will take a leaf from your book and be more pondering in future.

As for humour in life...if it weren't so serious it would be hysterical! What is more funny than a species that trashes itself and its planet? Not to mention the joke of a system we have at present. Ha ha. Hope you don't mind sarcasm.

I think that humanity is particularly funny. We wouldn't know truth if it hit us in the face with a rolled up newspaper. I guess there's always perspective. Otherwise some of us would die of vainglorious attempts to change things. Been there. Done that. Came to my senses and walked away.

Some call it a reality slap. I was k.o'd. So naive. Happy to sit back now and just watch the show go on. You? Resignation? Give me a little more wisdom.

Sandra.