Success from the deletion of social media?

SarahLulu · ‎11-02-2017

Hi there!

Has anyone had any success and felt less lonely from deleting social media. I know that seems ironic. I notice I always get upset when I scroll through facebook, insta or snapchat and see my friends together without me as they constantly exclude me. I've just deactivated facebook and instagram but havent snapchat yet as I feel I don't want to be completely seperated from the online world. Has anyone felt less lonely or more lonely by deactivating facebook? I think I feel less lonely because when I was in a pscyh ward phones werent allowed so i wasnt constantly looking at that. I'm also worried that this step might actually cause my friends to exclude me more.

Advice? tia

geoff · ‎12-02-2017

hi Sarah, there have been many comments about being in contact with people on facebook, normally because the comments made by their friends may go way out of line and exclude them from social activities, so of course they get upset, however it could be by circumstances that don't suit everybody, well you could look at it that way, but generally you get upset and annoyed.
I do have a facebook but I don't go looking to see what my friends have been doing or what they have planned, and personally it's something that I particularly not fond of.
True friends never let you down, but pretend 'friends' will always avoid you and exclude you from joining them, but is it worth being with people who don't treat you as a friend, not really because comments maybe made to discredit you or perhaps make fun of you, so they are just acquaintances.
Sure there maybe times when you have fun with them, but eventually it won't last because they can't get any more from you so they disappear, that's not something a true friend would do. Geoff.

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎12-02-2017

HI, I'm not on fb, but find it amazing that so many people regard fb 'friends' as friends? Surely you have real contact with true friends. You probably would if everyone was not on fb. I was shocked to realise that iPhones (thus smart phones) have only been around for 10yrs. How society has changed in such a short time. It is a real concern. Social media is ironic cos it has lead to us being disjointed from the real world.

Internet addiction will be a huge problem in the future. I have been saying that eventually there will have to be restrictions on it, to prevent society from crumbling. Just the other day on the news, it was reported that China is banning gaming from midnight til morning due to addiction among yg people. No one is sleeping, so not working, no productivity.

It is a huge problem in my house. Everyone gets up and reaches for ph or tablet, and that's it til bedtime. I have tried turning modem off, OMG...not worth the agro, but gotta do something. We used to actually do things, now it feels as if we live in cyberspace (she says typing away) I've sorta been 'if you can't best em, join em, because it is just so boring on my own. It is driving me crazy, and I truly believe that in the coming yrs, something will have to change.

Apologies for rant, but please visit or phone those whose friendship you value. Perhaps explain that you've opted out of social media, and have a discussion. Perhaps they feel the same! Maybe ask that they keep you in the loop, or tell them that you want to 'talk' to them regularly so will ph or visit or arrange to meet & socialise. Take the lead, I'd be very surprised if there weren't friends who feel exactly the same as you. It is almost like stepping back into the real world.

Lee!

SarahLulu · ‎12-02-2017

Thanks Geoff and Lee.

Geoff, I too think that this isnt what real friends are like as I wouldnt do that to people. But I've found that every single person I've become friends with one way or another end up excluding me. I've start to wonder if it's not them but me?

Lee, I still attend school so I see these people every day but not out of choice, out of force. I was bought up with social media and so I know how it is. It feels as if I have to, like it's odd that I don't, I'm worried that my only contact with friends by choice somewhat is through social media and that if I continue to leave it deactivated i'll have no contact with friends whatsoever. I always message my friends but they're never interested, reply slow, and never message me first. Every time I ask if someone wants to do something on the weekend they're busy. I feel so lonely but I think social media is making it worse and not only that but I guess it's a good filter as people will now actually have to go to effort to message me. I don't know if that means I'll be left with no friends though.

Jugglin_Strugglin · ‎12-02-2017

I can now understand exactly how you feel. Thank you for your reply. It gave me another view that I'd never thought about before....really amazing cos this is something that I've thought and worried a lot about, plus my son is 16, so it is confronting to me that I haven't been able to 'get' it before. Unreal, I am too dumb &/or too old! Now feeling both LOL

You have explained it very well.."It feels as if I have to, like it's odd that I don't". Yes, it is like that, isn't it. Most people in my age range have fb at least, if not more SM accts like Instagram etc, BUT it is NOT considered weird if someone doesn't. So I finally understand how you millenials really have no choice but to have it. You definitely would be alienating yourself without it.

So is part of a solution to learn how to use social media to get the most benefit from it (which I know there are) without the negative aspects. Is it even possible? You will have a better handle on this than me. Everything in moderation?

Would it be weird if you did as I suggested before and take the lead with the people that you WOULD choose to see. At school, we are forced to hang with people only cos they live in the same school zone, & may not share anything else in common. So there might only be 1 or 2 people whose friendship you value anyway. Don't worry about this, as you get older you will meet more like-minded people because you will be exposed to more people with broader interests, ironic, but it is just a numbers game really.

The extroverts of the world don't even think about not getting replys or individual invites etc, but just 'barge in' to parties, events or conversations without a 2nd thought, and usually no one minds. Is this the expected thing these days? Often us 'sensitive souls' can overthink & read more (or less) into things (read between the lines) than there really is & so can feel excluded. It is hard not to!

Some of what is happening to you does sound like bullying. Would it help to read tips about how to handle being bullied online? I think there are some resources here on BB, or try Reach Out. The tactics used to cope with cyberbullying might be helpful anyway.

I do know that it is NOT you. Our world is a very complex place, and SM complicates our interactions even more. You may be filtering out those 'friendships' who are just acquaintances. Accept that this will be most Of them. It is the same for everyone. We are lucky if we have 1 or 2 true friendships in life.

Lee x

MarkJT · ‎12-02-2017

SarahLulu, i have Facebook, Twitter and Insta. I have separated these three into three distinctive uses.

Facebook is purely for have fun and friendly piss taking with mates. Very very rarely is anything serious put on it. Mid last year i culled all the "friends" that i do actually have contact with outside of social media. Works really well. Far to many people take Facebook so seriously and it is damaging.

Insta is used for mental health posts. It's primary use is for this. Again, very rarely do i post anything but the subject i use it for. I am a very positive person and this is reflected in my posts.

Twitter is used for updates on sport and news. Not a big poster but follow lots. If any person starts to get really negative or controversial, i unfollow them. I am not wanting to see this.

The way that i use SM is strict as there is far to much negativity and keyboard warriors out there. I reckon if you adopted the same principles, you could still use it but if you find that it is still upsetting, then delete it.

Mark.

Rainbow_river · ‎14-02-2017

Sarah, at least you are discussing it to work it out so thats good. I personally dont take fb that seriously. although alot of real friends of mine are on fb i do know how it feels though because it happened to me a few times & i felt hurt but i resolved that i needed to deal with it & maybe at that particular time my friend had someone else for lunch go for a walk etc...i started to think that we all need different people in our life & we dont all have to get together all the time. I decided that i would spend less time & if i happened to see something to think Oh thats nice maybe next time I'll go or I'll get invited or somehow do something else with someone else. I think the trick it to have other things to do other than face book. if you look at stuff that hurts & keep looking its going to hurt anyway,,,

I think at times people go through periods of loneliness maybe you need to find other friends that are kind or like doing the things you like...there are others like you we all have people we get along with better & your guys are out there for you Sarah you will find your real people sometime...but not on fb.

purpleskyy · ‎19-02-2017

Hello!

I don't really have any advice, sorry, but I agree with what you said. I deleted my Instagram account a little while ago, because it made me feel more lonely too, and I actually felt better afterwards. Scrolling through photo after photo of other people smiling and laughing and having fun with their friends probably made me more sad. It reminded me of how I'm a total loner 😕

Jessie

SarahLulu · ‎19-02-2017

Hey Jessie,

I ended up deleting it and for the most part I feel better, I totally understand 'Scrolling through photo after photo of other people smiling and laughing and having fun with their friends probably made me more sad.' more than you could ever know. Thanks for your input Jessie I really appreciate it x

MarkJT · ‎20-02-2017

SarahLou & Jessie, don't forget though that social media is one of the great scams of all time. I remember reading a story on a model who got out of the industry because she was to disillusioned with it.

Her Instagram posts where flawless but then she added that it took hours and hours of posing to capture the right moment and lighting then had it airbrushed and she just didn't like the message it was sending to younger females (much respect for this stance).

Essentially what I am saying here is social media is like betting, your never see or hear of the bad times from most people, you only see and hear of the good times so even though all of those people are smiling and making you feel lonely, they to could be lonely and this is the mask that they are putting on to make themselves feel better.

Quite simply put, i believe nothing on social media....unless it comes from a reputable organisation, i.e. beyondblue.

Mark.