Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Matchy69]

Dearest Hanna I am so sorry to hear about Sam.My heart goes out to you as I know how much you loved him.

Take care,

Mark.

[Hanna3]

Hello Mark how lovely to hear from you! I've often wondered how you are. How is your daughter, she was working with dogs at a shelter I think? Is she still there and is she happy? What about you?

Grandy and Dools, it sounds like both of you have had thoughtless and hurtful things said to you. Grandy, fancy being told not to spend the money to treat your dog! I hope that woman doesn't have pets!

I don't feel comforted by having Sam's ashes, but I wanted him with me. Maybe eventually I might scatter some where he loved to run.

The vet gave me a lovely written card and they were very kind. It was hard to collect them. It's his photographs of happy times that comfort me.

Thank you all for your kind words. 😊🐕🌹🌹🌹

[Hanna3]

I actually had to just drive around for a while before I went to the vet to collect poor Sam - it was so hard to do.. I prefer the photos of him running around happily.  I may have some put in a locket and later scatter some, or plant a tree somewhere.  Meantime what remains of him is back where he would want to be.  

Grandy, I had to get some help from the Vinnies welfare people recently - they were such a huge help - I got a voucher for eighty dollars worth of clothing and shoes, two hundred dollars for food, and I was facing eviction as I couldn't pay all the bond here in time, so they paid the last amount for me.  What wonderful help.  I think you would be very understanding in that role Grandy!

Mark - my music friend where I used to live who I think was on the spectrum - his great interest was Nirvana - I gave him several DVDs of that band as a farewell gift, he was thrilled! He was such a lovely guy.  

Dools, it is nice to hear from you and I hope things are improving for you.  It was kind of you to post here.

Paws I am sorry if I have hijacked your thread!  I can't afford another dog for a long time - I think you will feel much better when you get yourself that new dog!  I have put the feeler out at the dog park here for people to look out for a smaliish fluffy type dog that needs a home.. otherwise they cost thousands now.  

Mmekitty, we had five police cars here the other night and they found a wardrobe full of stolen goods that the drug addicts here had stolen.  They are charged with theft and abuse of a neighbour here and will have to leave.  I think it's a shame that these people have a home and I meet lovely older women living in their cars here.

 Hugs to all!  Paws, do you have photographs of Woofa?  I have them on my phone and saved them to icloud and will get a few printed and framed as soon as I can get to the next big town again.  I hope you do have some of Woofa to keep.

[Matchy69]

Hi Hanna my daughter still working at the RSPCA as a volunteer one day a week with mostly cats but dogs as well.I have got some great news my daughter got her driving licence 2 weeks ago and now drives herself to work in the car I bought her.My son starts high school next year and have been busy sorting that out.I have another meeting at the high school next Friday.

Hello to everyone else on here and hope everyone is doing well.

Take care,

Mark.

[Hanna3]

Hi Mark,

I replied this morning but it hasn't come through.  What great news about your daughter, how terrific she is still volunteering and is driving herself to work as well!  You must be so pleased.   And your son starting high school next year - another milestone, wow!  Mark you have been such a caring and devoted Dad and I am so pleased to hear your kids are doing so well!  Great news!

I am hoping to find a small rescue doggie somewhere to fill the dog hole left by little Sam - dogs are so expensive now - and small dogs that are up for rescue can be hard to find.  I got little Sam from a vet when he was 8 weeks old, he had been left with his sister at the vet - so I am hoping I will be lucky enough to find another doggie that needs a kind home - it doesn't need to be a puppy.  I have spoken to people at the dog park and they are all keeping feelers out for anything that might be suitable.  

Mark do you still have your own thread?  If so do let me know which it is and I can chat to you there sometimes.  I am so pleased to hear things are going so well for your kids, and that is in no small measure due to all your care and concern and hard work Mark.  You have been such a caring father to them.

[Matchy69]

Hi Hanna my thread is called Struggling with special needs children.

I will reply to you there later.I hope you can find it ok.

Take care,

Mark.

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Would you think of getting a rescue dog, or do you prefer a pup from a breeder?  The vets here sometimes have rescue pups, they check them over and then sell them for a very affordable price to good homes.  Yesterday a woman at the dog park here had a sweet poodle cross that she got from the local vet, who rescued it from a puppy farm where the dogs were being abused.  Little Sam was a rescue twelve years ago, handed in to the local vet where I got him.  The dogs from breeders seem to cost thousands now, I think ever since covid the costs have become huge. 

It would be nice for you to have the companionship of another dog.  I detest living without one, but I need to pay for car rego and then take a break from paying off the vets until next year, when I will start looking for another rescue doggie.  A new neighbour here is a nice fellow who said he lasted six months without a dog and hated it - he now has a small poodle.  I absolutely hate not having a dog around too!  

i think we are in for a heatwave this week, I dread it.  It's been pleasantly coolish the last few days with a bit of much needed rain - everything is so dry here.

Hope you are keeping OK and also mmMekitty, Dools, Grandy and everyone here.

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna, wave to everyone,

Here it has gone from a week of temperatures 13 degrees or less each day, to today we had mid 20s & it is meant to get even hotter over the coming days. I find these sudden large variations hard. I'm glad you have had some rain, though from what I see on the news both NSW & Qld need some good steady rain for some weeks.

I need to get work done on my fences & there are some other things I need completed before I will be in a place to give a new dog a home. Knowing I can't get a dog until I get certain works done will be a good incentive to make me arrange things sooner rather than later, even so it will be well into next year before I can have a new furry friend. I am planning to get a puppy or older dog from a breeder, but I wont even start talking to them until I have things here in hand & then I know there will be a wait for someone to have a litter. I will also keep an eye out for a rescue, but from what dogs I have seen on their lists so far they do not have any breeds that would suit me.

Completely different topic, I've been wondering with so many of us living alone whether any of you have one of those wearable call buttons, in case of a fall or something, or if any of you have arranged to have one of those daily care calls. It was something I worried about when I had Woofa as I was concerned if something happened to me he would have no way of getting out of the house & it can be many weeks between phone calls with family. I am thinking of getting a daily call set up, especially for when I get another dog, but wondered if anyone uses such things & what sort of experience of them people might have had.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

I haven't got one but I know a lady who lives alone who had a bad fall in her unit and nobody knew about it. It was ages, I think overnight, she was stuck lying on the floor until very luckily a neighbour found her. She now has an alert necklace.

A nurse I knew told me at the hospital they see a lot of elderly people who fall at home and die of cold as nobody finds them. I didn't know until she told me how common it is. She said they can't get up so die of cold on the floor. 

It's a really good idea to get one! 

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws, if I was still at the house i would have got myself one for sure, as the neighours were not necessarily around to notice if I wasn't out and about.  Where i am now, the neighbours would notice pretty quickly if they didn't see me.  They said the elderly woman here before  me did have a fall in the bedroom and it took two days before the neighbours realized and broke in through the bathroom window to get to her.  

The nurse i mentioned said as the old folk can't get up, and nobody misses them,.  She said she found it terribly sad that nobody noticed they were not around... It says something about our society today.    I think it would be a wise precaution for you to have one - if it doesn't like to a relative/friend it can direct to a call centre apparently.  It would be reassuring to have!

Met a lady with a sweet poodle-cross that was a rescue from the local vet (he rescued several from a puppy farm apparently).  She was five years old and the lady was very happy with her - she was a friendly little dog.  So there is hope for me yet - I just have to get the car rego through and save some money for a while after all the vet bills for poor little Sam.  I still miss him terribly!