Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I'm so pleased for you that you feel you are able to process your grief in an organic way that you find healing.  Having the sense that the person is with you in spirit is I hope comforting for you.  While your weather is nice I hope you have been able to get out in nature & recharge your spirits.

A Doona was what we called them years ago too, I think it is an Aussie term, the English used to call them a Duvet.  Back then a quilt was something that had decorative panels/images made from pieces of fabric sewn together, often with decorative stitching.  Given that people still do traditional quilting it has puzzled me why the Doona/Duvet ever had it's name changed.  But then lots of things seem to have had name changes for no real reason, couches becoming sofas springs to mind.  

I'm envious of your Autumn weather.  Storms crossed Victoria yesterday evening & overnight, but of course they all missed here.  For the first time in the decade that I've been here the creek has completely dried up, even the deeper pools which usually last even when it stops flowing in summer are dry.  I worry for the wildlife.  I'm only filling my birdbath mid afternoon when it is back in the shade, rather than topping it up as it needs.  Within 5 minutes of me filling it the fairy wrens & grass wrens are mobbing it, I'm fascinated how they can tell so quickly.  The bigger birds take a bit longer to realise.

How frustrating not being able to get what you were after at your local supermarket.  I hope you managed to get it all at the supermarket in big town.  I'm hoping next week will be cooler so I can go into big town to the doctor & shops.  The last few times I've been into Woolies there, they haven't had everything that I was after, so I might be brave & try the Coles.  

Big 🐻 hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I just saw on the news WAs storm left a lot of damage all over Southern WA. 

I hope you are safe & damage free lass... thinking of you

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Paws,

Only a bit of the weather reached here in the form of some nice rain and there were a few distant lightning flashes but I didn’t hear any thunder. So all is good here but I could see plenty of places on the radar that aren’t that far away that had much more rain as the system moved over. The rain we had was lovely and I went for a walk yesterday after another rain shower and rivulets of water were running into the river and drops falling from the trees. It felt quite magical.

Yes, my understanding of a quilt was the same as you, something made as panels. But I’ve noticed when buying doona covers they are often referred to as quilt covers. I’ve also come across people who don’t know the word doona or say duvet instead. As a child I had a new friend from Sydney and I remember her different words for things, such as cossie for bathers which I’d never heard before. And my South Australian cousin called what we call a flannel a face wash. So even within Australia there can be different words in different states.

It sounds like you are having the extended dry conditions we had here last year. Yes, I get concerned for the wildlife too when it gets that dry. It’s amazing how the wrens find the water in the bird bath so quickly. I think birds and animals have high levels of sensory awareness and can detect things at a subtle level. I think us humans once had more refined sensory skills but we’ve kind of lost them or become disconnected from them as our survival has no longer required them as much. I wonder if small, super active birds like wrens find the water more quickly because their small bodies are at higher risk from the dryness and heat? I’ve had a lot of wrens in the back garden in the last 3 weeks and they are so hyperactive.

Yes, I got everything I needed at the supermarket. There’s both a Woolies and Coles there too, plus an IGA. So if I want to be sure I can get what I’m after I’m better off going there than trying to rely on the supermarket here. I hope you get the cooler weather soon and can get into big town.

I hope you are having a restful day Paws. I’ve had migraine symptoms since yesterday, not a full blown migraine, but enough to be bothersome and interfere with activities. But I’ve just taken some more meds and going to rest a bit more.

Big hugs to you too 🤗

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

It is odd how things have different names in different states.  I call them Bathers though we tended to call them Togs more when I was a youngster... like your friend I say Face Washer rather than Flannel.  Food is another area where different states have different names for the same thing.  One thing I find fascinating is that Arnotts Ginger Nut biscuits have different recipes for each state, even though they are all made in the one factory.  Apparently many years ago when Arnotts amalgamated it's factories & tried to have just one recipe for everywhere, there was such a consumer uproar that they had to back down & make them for each state as they were accustomed too.  

I think you are right about humans losing many of our sensory skills.  We miss out on so much of the wider world that animals still have the ability to see, smell or sense.  That dogs can sense & give their human warning of things like a seizure about to happen is just one thing that shows how much we lack.  

I feel almost obliged to keep the bird bath going for the small birds here ever since the farmer filled in the dam beside my house. The next nearest dam isn't at all close & I don't think the small birds would be able to remain here without the water I put out for them.  Even the creek that runs through the valley is I think too far for such small birds to comfortably reach. 

I'm sure that their small size makes them more affected by the heat or cold.  The warm or hot days they always bathe repeatedly, whereas the middle size birds (larks etc) usually only drink, with bathing limited to very hot days.  The bigger birds like Magpies rarely use my bird bath, probably because they can easily fly to the other larger water sources.  Plus it might be because my bird bath is set up with a slightly deeper end full of rocks so bees etc can safely drink, sloping to a shallower end keeping it always a safe depth for the small birds.  

Hopefully today was the last very hot day until Friday next week when the next hot spell is expected to start.  Not that I find days around 20 particularly cool, but it will be a relief from the weather lately.  

Oh your walk after the rain shower sounds delightful.  There is something special about the sounds & smells after rain, especially from flowing water.  

I saw on the cafe thread you are off to visit Fluffy Cat this week.  That is something lovely to look forward too.  When do you set off?

I'm sending you a migraine freeing hug, just in case it hasn't yet fully cleared.

Rest up lass

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

That’s very interesting about Arnott’s Ginger Nut biscuits. The different recipes must really taste quite different for people to notice. It can certainly feel very different visiting other states, like an another culture almost. I’ve spent so much of my time in WA that I really notice how different it feels if I go elsewhere.

It’s lovely you are looking after the small birds. A year ago when things were super dry here there was an influx of birds that don’t normally appear much in this area, such as large flocks of Purple Crowned Lorikeets and Barn Owls. It’s a bit cooler here than elsewhere so when it had become too arid in some areas certain birds chose to come here. I wonder if you may get some different visitors if species move around more outside their usual habitat in search of water? I read in the news about how hot and dry it’s been in the east. I’m glad it seems to be cooling a bit for you though.

Yes, I’m looking after Fluffy Cat again. I leave for that tomorrow. It will be nice to be with the fluff ball. It’s only for four nights. It’s still fairly warmish in Perth.

Thank you for the hug 🥰 Yes, the migraine cleared. I’m just having a rest on my couch before embarking on dinner. I want to be organised so I don’t have too much to do before setting off tomorrow.

Take care and big hugs to you,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I'm guessing you have broken your journey at the same caravan park as last time.  Actually I'm hoping you have, as I would worry if you tried to drive straight through, especially so soon after a migraine.  I'm sitting here picturing you having a lovely evening stroll.

Though I missed out on the rain that hit elsewhere in the state on Sunday, it rained here in the early hours of Monday morning through almost to lunch time, it was very fine misty rain being blown sideways by the winds.  The bucket I had outside ended up with nearly 10ml in the bottom of it, so despite it being so fine, it was a decent amount.  It was lovely having the lounge window open & the fresh smell of the rain wafting in.  

I'm just out of bed after a long sleep of nearly 23 hours.  I think my sister ringing me on Monday to see if I had made any progress re the water situation, plus my own frustration with myself for getting nothing done & the fact I have run out of some meds & need to go & get scripts, add in everything else has gotten out of hand again & it all stressed me out enough to shut down & sleep the world away.  I have woken up feeling less anxious & I'm about to tackle the accumulated stuff that has piled itself up on the kitchen bench & put it all away or in the bin as appropriate.  One small thing to do, but I know having a clean kitchen will help lift my mood to do more. 

Even though her call did add to my stress levels Monday, I do know how lucky I am to have a sister who cares enough to check in on me & who understands that I struggle in these circumstances & gently nags me to do what needs doing.  

Safe travels tomorrow.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

I did actually drive up all in one day. I couldn’t leave a day earlier as I had virtually no sleep and wouldn’t have been able to leave then. But the drive up yesterday went pretty well.

Your body definitely seems to work things out through sleeping. You’ve really had a lot to deal with lately. The hotter weather wouldn’t have helped either. But it’s good you’ve woken feeling a little better. I’m glad you have your sister looking out for you. Just go gently and little by little things will progress.

I went with my friend to her little girl’s playgroup this morning which was absolutely lovely. It was run in such a loving, gentle way and so beautiful to be around the little ones. It went for about 2.5 hours and really kept the kiddies absorbed in various activities from songs to bread making to various play activities. I rested in the afternoon. I’ve been kind of swamped by grief in the last couple of hours, the way it catches up with you just when you’re feeling you’re coping quite well. So had a good cry. I’m sure fluffy cat can feel it being the intuitive, sensitive being that she is. Hopefully I’ll lift up a bit tomorrow.

Wishing you a good day tomorrow Paws 💖

Big hugs 🤗 

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I hope Fluffy Cat did her duty & gave you head bops with much purring while you where feeling so very sad.  Your grief is still so very new lass & you're still trying to come to terms with things.  It is terribly hard, but bouts of deep sadness & tears are natural.  I still find my grief can hit out of nowhere when it is least expected & I am often surprised by what can trigger it.  I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today, but it is ok if you're not, be gentle with yourself.

It is good you managed the drive, though I would have worried if I had known you were doing it in one go so soon after a migraine. 

The play group sounds impressive.  Clearly play groups have greatly changed their focus over the decades.  I remember when my sisters had littlies the play group was primarily a way for mum's to get out of the house & talk to other mums, sharing problems or tips or tricks to help them cope over a cuppa.  There were no structured activities, the children amused themselves with whatever toys were there.  Organised activities had to wait for 4 year old kinder.

A quiet day for me today.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws,

I’m back from petsitting and, yes, fluffy cat did an exceptional job of providing purring and comforting cuddles 🥰 During one rough afternoon she pressed her body against my cheek while I lay in bed and purred like a freight train. I got to spend some lovely time with my friend and her little girl too.

How are things for you? I hope you are doing ok and just taking each day as it comes in terms of sorting out various things. I’ve got a water issue now too though it’s just the hot water system which I found significantly leaking yesterday. The plumber advised today it needs replacing which will be expensive 😞 But, alas, such is life. I’m about to go back to the city for work to be done on my car and a few other things, so have arranged the installation for when I get back.

Take good care Paws and wishing you a lovely day tomorrow 💖

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I'm so pleased Fluffy Cat did sense when you needed some support & shared all her best snuggles & purrs with you.  

Oh what a nuisance that you need to go back to get the work done on your car, though I hope there is a silver lining in that you have something nice to occupy yourself with while you wait.  A walk through the wetlands or more time with your friend perhaps?  Did the plumber manage to temporarily plug the leak or have you now no hot water at all?  Perhaps having to go back to town is the silver lining as at least you will have hot water while you are away.

I've had some new visitors to my bird bath this week.  I'm still trying to identify them in my bird book... one I'm fairly sure is a Robin, bit I need it to reappear in the sunlight rather than the shade to be certain... the others I'm having trouble matching... one looks similar to a type of Honey Eater but the tail is different so more hunting through my book is needed.

I hope you are not trying to do to much with all this travelling on top of everything else.  Do be gentle with yourself lass.

Huggily hugs

Paws