Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

It would be wonderful if there was a simple thing we could do to fix our memory lapses.  I wish I could tell you of a solution that that I've found always works, but I can't, despite all the things I've tried.  I do think that being mindful of the fact that we are prone to such lapses can be helpful.  Even if I can't always stop myself from forgetting I do have some tricks that do help more often than not in certain areas.  Leaving the kitchen light on when I leave the kitchen, if I have something in the oven or there is something else I haven't finished in the kitchen is one trick which usually works, when I remember to turn the light on.  

How fascinating you having such a variety of early morning bird calls.  Do they all start up around dawn or is it more spread out over the morning?  I'm jealous about the baby birds, can you see the nests when you sit outside or are they too well hidden amongst the foliage?  You had me reaching for my bird guide book again with the Twenty Eight Parrot, which I have now learnt is another bird endemic to southern WA.  Surprisingly it wasn't listed under Parrots, but the index referred me to Australian Ringnecks of which there are 5 subgroups.

It hasn't been as hot here as forecast, though it has been in the low 30s which is still too hot for me.  Thankfully both yesterday & today had long periods of cloud cover which helped limit the temperature.  My bird bath was very popular.

The dizziness hit again when I went to bed last night, but I stayed very still with my eyes closed & tried to focus on my breathing, instead of the nausea.  It did seem to help, so I will try that from now on.

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Yes, having messages such as leaving a light on can help remind the brain of things. I’m quite haphazard the way I function on a day to day basis and can’t seem to change this about myself. I use the Reminders app on my phone a lot to make sure I remember to do certain things. I have a tendency to spontaneously wander, in my mind but even physically. I remember as a child being on a camp at Penguin Island (when there was dormitory accommodation there). We were asked to clean our rooms. I was doing this when I felt compelled to walk down to the beach. Just as I got there 3 pelicans swam right past me in a perfect row. It’s like I knew they were going to be there and my primal brain just deviated there. Of course I got in trouble with an adult for just wandering off, but I’ve been doing this wandering all my life.

An example is yesterday actually. In the early afternoon I heard a sound check for a concert. I suddenly remembered there’d been a flyer about it. Next thing I was changing my clothes and just walked to the concert on the spur of the moment and spent several hours there. I hadn’t planned to go. I enjoyed it and I think it is me so trying to connect with community at the moment. It was a family-friendly event and so nice to see the kids running around and having a good time. At the same time it accentuated my loneliness a bit too as I was there by myself. So it was like mixed emotions. It reminded me I’m in a demographic where I don’t fit here. Most people my age have a family here. So perhaps it solidified the reality for me that I’m never going to fit in this town. I bought two CDs afterwards too and then was kicking myself for spending money when I need to be saving it. But, again, I found myself buying them before my conscious brain caught up with what I was doing. I really do live in a sort of semi-dream state and always have.

With the baby birds they are big babies, so fledglings out of the nest. Their nests may have been in a row of nearby trees where there’s a lot of bird activity but I can’t see nests in the foliage from here. So the baby galahs are just sitting on a branch squawking. The baby Twenty Eight Parrot just visits my garden with its parents. In both cases the babies are almost as big as the adults now but not quite and they have that slightly scruffy look that juvenile birds often have. This morning the birds in my garden are a Willie Wagtail singing away, New Holland Honeyeaters and Yellow-rumped Thornbills. Last year when I travelled to the Wheatbelt I saw Australian Ringnecks who had bright yellow bellies, whereas the Twenty Eight Parrot subspecies here have green bellies.

I’m feeling some anxiety this morning about everything I have to do. I know I just have to break things down into manageable components. I do wonder at times if ADHD medication would help my brain but it’s so incredibly expensive to get a diagnosis, up to $3000 which just seems ridiculous. My optometrist who has it was very happy with the psychiatrist who diagnosed it so I could always ask her about it. I felt so at home with her when I saw her last month and we just talked away enthusiastically, because when you find someone with a similar brain you just communicate easily and effortlessly. I felt so at home with her spontaneous meandering conversation and lateral way of thinking.

I’m rambling on this morning. It’s going to be warmish here this morning but not hot. It’s nice your bird bath has the bird activity. I’m sure the birds love it in the hotter weather. I hope you have a nice cool day today as forecast. It’s very still here this morning after quite strong winds yesterday.

Take care Paws and I hope the dizziness eases. Closing your eyes and focussing on the breathing sounds like a really good idea. A friend of mine has had vertigo recently which has now eased. His partner was saying to me that he “went within” as his way of coping. So perhaps a similar approach to you.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Look my internet is working.  Fingers crossed this keeps up from now on.

Your mind definitely works differently to mine.  I don't have the scattered thought threads that you describe.  To be going from wandering every which way thoughts, to the hyper focus you also have, is such a big change. I can see why you think you have ADHD.  It must have been especially hard for you as a kid in school.  You have me thinking that these flowing thought processes of yours would be beneficial when you are out in nature or doing photography.  These days we are so constrained by the modern world & watching the clock, that most of us have lost that connection our ancestors had to the land, the seasonal rhythms & the movements of animals.  

$3000 is a lot for a diagnosis.  Now you are on the DSP perhaps if you ask your GP they might be able to put you in touch with a psych who bulk bills pensioners or refer you to the local mental health unit as a public patient.  

Fledglings can be so comical I love watching them, even more so than the cute tiny fluff balls of just hatched chicks.  Over the past few weeks I've had magpie fledglings in my yard as the parents have them practising their flying & finding food for themselves.  Oddly the magpies don't use my yard at any other time of the year.

Thank you for blowing the cool weather my way.  The rain last night was much appreciated, as is the lovely cool day today.

It is already a week into the new year & I still haven't finished off the tasks I was going to have done by the end of last year.  Motivation has flown out the window.  I'm going to have to see if I can find it again soon & remember that however small, baby steps are at least steps in the right direction.

I hope your anxiety has settled lass

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

There has been plenty of discussion about the ADHD brain essentially being a hunter-gatherer brain, very much in the moment in the environment. This gels with me 100% and is the reason why I thrive in the flow state of going out into nature with my camera. Without doubt I have a hunter-gatherer brain that just wants to live with the immediacy of day-to-day existence in flow with the environment. Just being in the moment and responding to needs in the moment rather than having to organise, plan, etc. In school I could never follow instructions from teachers. I always felt lost and scared as well because based on my home environment I was always expecting to be in some kind of trouble. So school was an endurance test. I worked at a few alternative-type schools along with regular government schools when I was an education assistant and I could see how some of those alternative classrooms would have suited me better. They were more free-flowing and about following your own creative impulses. One had wonderful books on photography and music. I remember thinking, I wish this had been my educational environment.

Yes, I could look into a discounted psychiatrist and services re: a diagnosis. I’m quite scared of having a bad experience though having had such horrendous medical experiences in the past. I’d probably prefer to go with a good recommendation such as that of my optometrist, but I do not know yet what that would cost, other than probably a lot. My current psych is not trained and specialised in ADHD so cannot diagnose it. She obviously also cannot prescribe meds as a psychologist. She may still be able to help me with strategies though and was very helpful and encouraging when I spoke to her about it last month.

This morning I was googling how to manage ADHD without meds. I found I’d get part way into the article and realise I hadn’t taken most of it in, so my ADHD brain couldn’t read an article on ADHD - ha ha 🤣 But it’s because I was exceptionally scattered this morning too. Then I found an article I could read that I did find helpful. It has 65 suggestions which I think would be valuable to anyone, not just those with ADHD. So I just thought I’d mention it in case you Paws or anyone else finds it helpful in terms of self-organisation, motivation etc. It’s entitled “65 Tips and Tricks to Better Manage Adult ADHD (Without Meds)”. It’s on a website called Talk With Frida. The one thing that doesn’t match for me is about late night caffeine, as at the moment it doesn’t seem to stop me sleeping at all and even helps me sleep, but for many others avoiding late night caffeine is a good idea.

That’s lovely you have the fledgling magpies visiting Paws. I imagine they are doing their repetitive call that the adolescents do. I find those young magpies so funny. I agree with you, there’s something so comical about fledgling birds. With parrots and cockatoos they not only seem ungainly and squawk hilariously but their feathers often stick up and they look scruffy like they’ve been through a car wash 😂.

I think baby steps are absolutely the way to go Paws with completing tasks. I’m very conscious it’s the only way I can proceed successfully. I think taking one small thing such as clearing a surface, organising one corner of a room or sorting a box is the easiest way to manage. It may even help not to have a set schedule, or be very clear that’s only a rough guide, and just simply start a specific task limited to a specific area. I think that’s the only way I’m going to get on top of things myself. Little by little there is a transformation as we do a bit each day.

I’m about to head out for a walk. I sat down far too much yesterday and today too. I think that also is a big factor in my brain function. My brain really does better with exercise. I’m going to park at the estuary and walk along the coastline I think. It’s nice to wear summery clothes today as it has been warmer. I’m glad you have the cool change now and the lovely rain last night too.

Thank you, yes, the anxiety is feeling better. Have a lovely evening Paws and enjoy that lovely cooler weather.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

Thank you for recommending the "65 Tips & Tricks", a lot of it is applicable to everyone I think.  I've actually copied it onto a word doc & put it in my mh folder on my pc.  I find it helpful to read through things like this when my brain goes on strike & I need some prompting.  The tip about having a daily rota of what chores to do reminds me of mum having set days to do the things that need doing weekly. I've thought about trying that before, but wondered if I would just be adding something else to stress about.  After reading this I think I might just make a list without set days & see how I go from there.  I'm like you in that the caffeine one doesn't apply to me either.  

I can think of a number of kids I knew in school over the years who would have benefited from attending an alternative school.  I wish there were more of them did around today especially in rural areas.  I feel sorry for the kids who really only have the option of home schooling when mainstream schooling isn't a good fit.  I don't have anything against home schooling per se, but I think it helps kids to be around other kids so they learn social skills & can make friends.  It would also be beneficial for their parents. 

My dizziness was better last night as I mostly only felt dizzy when ever I rolled over, if I stayed still I was ok after a bit.  However today I've been walking like a drunken sailor, listing to the right & feeling dizzy whenever I stand up.  It actually reminds me of a cruise I was on around the fjords of Norway, when we hit some bad weather in the north sea one day.  

I think I need to borrow you & your photography skills to take pictures of the suddenly increased variety of spiders in my house.  I'm spotting some I've never seen the like of before & it would be helpful to have a pic so I could look them up, as they refuse to co-operate & stay still long enough.  🙄😂  Catching them in a glass jar isn't an option as the blighters like to stay just out of reach.

I hope your walk was invigorating & helped to clear your head.  

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

Yes, for some reason I found that particular list helpful. I think it's really important to adapt such strategies to what works for you. I think if it feels like allocating set days may add stress, it may be best not to do it. You don't want to be lying awake at night thinking, oh no, I have to get through xyz tomorrow. It might be easier to go with the flow each day and follow whatever task feels achievable on that day. Sort of go with your intuition when you wake up in the morning.

In my last rental I lived in a granny flat at the back of my landlords' place. They were a nice couple who would conscientiously clean their house every Saturday morning. I found this motivating for me how they had this allocated time, so I dedicated time on the weekend to cleaning the flat. For some reason this usually ended up being Sunday afternoon for me rather than Saturday morning. I think this was because of my perseverance tendency as once I'd start something like vacuuming I'd find it hard to stop. I would try overly hard to do things extra well so I'd spend a long time on it. Hence I'd be reluctant to get started knowing I would be so persevering about it, like I was already exhausting myself thinking about it and therefore procrastinating. That is the weird way my brain works 🙃 But I always felt so much better when it was done.

Yes, I think that's a really good point that those kids who aren't really suited to the regular school system could really benefit being amongst other similar kids in an alternative school as opposed to home schooling. A friend of mine has home schooled her two boys and they are part of a home schooling community. So they do learning activities and excursions with the other kids at least some of the time. So I think when that happens it is not so isolating for the kids. But I imagine some kids do miss out on some social aspects who are home schooled. I think when schools are working well they really are a community.

I do hope the dizziness starts to alleviate soon. It really is a strange experience isn't it. If you do go to the GP, they can do an exercise that is to do with the movement of the eyes in relation to head position that is used to identify BPPV. But take care too if you drive to the doctor. I would think it's best not to drive if dizzy so perhaps wait for a lull between episodes. I don't know if you have a mobile doctor service that visits your area but perhaps that's an option if you wanted to see the doctor but don't feel up to driving. Usually these weird bouts of dizziness go away on their own though. So hopefully you'll feel back to normal soon.

Your house sounds like a wonderful spider ecosystem 😂 You could give them names such as Martha and Fred. I'm not sure where those names came from, they just popped into my head. Did you ever see the animated TV series Minuscule which I think from memory was on the ABC? it was quite a clever animation of all these little creatures such as spiders living in human homes. It was really well done. Oh I've just discovered now after looking it up that there's a YouTube channel for Minuscule with the various episodes. It's reminding me of how delightful it is with all the little characters 🐛🐜🐞🐝🐌 If you ever get better internet Paws you will be able to watch it.

I did enjoy my walk yesterday by the coast and a walk today too. Today I went across the road and the sun was shining on me while light rain was sprinkling on me at the same time. I was being warmed and refreshed simultaneously which was a curious, novel and pleasant experience.

Take care and sleep well 🤗😴

Hugs,

ER