Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws,

I had to take Betty* to the ER in our town, she had a fall after feeling wobbly on her legs...she is okay I think.just very shaken and sore.....I will pick her up when the hospital calls me..,or take her in some clothes, if she is admitted....

Paws, do you have an idea or know where the snake got in from on?..If so maybe keep that option open so it can go back outside...Just be careful and mindful when moving things of the floor etc...If their is no food inside for it, it will soon go back outside to eat and warm itself up in the sun....

Distracting your thoughts and anxiety is a good idea, I am enjoying virtual walks through different cities, beaches, parks from around the world on you tube...Paris looks beautiful with all their Christmas lights shining up the streets...Tonight I am thinking of walking the city streets of Japan and checking out if they have any Christmas lights around their cities...

Maybe if Woofa sleeps on the lounge or bed...cuddle up to him, and try to sleep....I’m 99% sure that if their is any movement close by him, he will quickly alert you..

Keep talking here Paws, if you need to...its a good distraction and we care very much about trying to help you through this rough patch you’re going through....

Warm hugs, both human and fluffy fur hugs...🤗🧸🤗.

Grandy.l

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws. Goodness you are having a time, first hitting a bad patch and now a snake in the house!!! Let's hope it has moved back outside again, gracious! Do keep something on your feet for the time being!

It's very very hot here today and this little house becomes an oven by 2pm. Neither Sam nor I enjoy this weather!

Is your town very busy Paws? Are you seeing any family for Christmas?

How's lovely Woofa?

Rather hot hugs from us here! 😊🐕🐾🐾💕

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Thank you lass... I finally got brave enough to go to bed about 7am... having checked it was snake free first... at first with my shaking etc I couldn't settle... but Woofa being Woofa was soon in the land of nod... it didn't take him long to start chasing something in his dreams as his legs were going at a great rate of knots & he was arooing & woofing away... I just laid there trying to focus completely on watching him & finally managed to drop off to sleep...

I am so much calmer now... still looking out everywhere I go for the blighter... I am trying to convince myself it has gone into a small hole in the wall after any mice & is now outside... the snake catcher did say it was possible... he has just texted to check if I am alright & ask if I have seen it again... that was nice of him.

The dark thoughts have eased... though the tears still aren't far away... I was going to ring & get an update on my relative today... but I think I will leave it for a few days as I would find it too upsetting...

I know what set off the dark patch I've been in recently... Lass I know you understand how something can make our minds send us to being right back in the scared, vulnerable, threatened place we used to be in... I hate how easy it is slip back & feel like I've not made any progress at all.. with one of my meds I have extra low dose tablets that I'm allowed to take when I feel the need to calm me... I have been using them along with the strategies the drs gave me...

Oh poor Betty... I hope they can give her a reason for her fall & a way to prevent any repeat... falls are very scary especially for those of us who live alone... she is lucky having you as a friend.

Big hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy

I hope Betty is OK, falls are nasty as we get older and they give you such a shock.

I like those videos too, and the ones that show you tours of apartments in Russia and Ukraine are interesting.

When does the store reopen and have you decided about whether you are going back? Still time to think about that.

I thought the women in the dog park who wouldn't talk to me were so silly I had a laugh about them! They were old enough to know better!

Yesterday Sam had a play with a small terrier, two chocolate Labradors and two very beautiful Corgis. Dogs are better getting along with each other than people are!

I have to wrap a couple of gifts.. Rosemary called by with a present for me and Sam.. I got Sam a ball that makes a laughing sound from the Reject shop, I hope he likes it!

My friend G has been rather sick, I gave him a gift a little while ago, a music DVD I knew he'd like. He composed a piece of music for me, how nice!

A nice neighbour has been mowing the lawn for me so I bought her an iced Xmas cake - I was going to leave it on her doorstep but the weather is too hot!

I booked my booster shot for February. It seems a long way off.. I have to get to the library this afternoon, went to the vet this morning. Made a lovely tropical fruit salad which is lovely in this weather.

It's hard to park in town with all the visitors. Having some quiet time now while it's so hot.

I hope your back is healing OK.

Hugs! 😊🐕🐾🐾🌻🌳🌹🍀

[Ggrand]

Dear Paws,

Your post today sounds like you are slightly better...so, so glad to hear you are...

Um I was going to suggest, that once you have checked out your bedroom to keep the door closed with...um those door draft blockers against it....

I’m sorry you went down so quickly...into a PTSD downer...they do happen before we even realise we are down at near rock bottom....and experiencing being back in that moment, and the feelings, thoughts, fear..is so real....My counsellor did tell me that as soon as I can comprehend what’s happing to do my best to get myself back into the now....Honestly I don’t think most counsellors or psychologist have really any idea how it feels and how far down we can go....

Gently reminding you to try to remember that your safe and no one can hurt you now...also to let you know..that you have come a long way this year....and you should be proud of yourself...

Take care tonight lovely friend and look after you...eat something healthy and keep yourself hydrated..

Big hugs dear Paws...

Hi Hanna....I think you posted on the wrong thread..but that’s okay...will pop over to yours tonight or tomorrow..

Love and hugs everyone...💚🤗.

Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws

How are you today? Any news of the dreaded snake? I hope it's gone outdoors! Do you have any plans for Christmas?

We'll just be home, it doesn't feel Christmassy to me after the long lockdown we had here. Sam is a bit unwell tonight and we've been at the vet, who is lovely. He's given Sam an anti nausea pill, it's probably the diet change so no walks for us tonight.

I hope you are going OK dear Paws. Big hugs 😊👍🐕🐾🐾🎄🎀🎁🎉🎇

[Hanna3]

Sorry I meant to say I'm not unduly anxious about Sam tonight it's been hot and he's had a change of diet and we're just taking things quietly.

I'm on another forum - nothing to do with mh - and there's an informative chat going on about the virus.

I hope it's not too hot where you are Paws!

🐶🐩🦚🦜🐦🦢🐥

[Paw Prints]

Hello Hanna,

Oh poor little Sam... I hope the anti nausea pill works quickly for him... the heat you have been having probably hasn't helped...

I've not seen any sign of the snake since (touch wood)... I'm hoping it has gone out through the hole in the wall the snake catcher revealed when he moved my china cabinet to look behind it... I have blocked it with some steel wool until I can get it patched... I am still keeping an obsessive look out in case it is still here somewhere.

It will be just me & Woofa Christmas day as usual... I have bought him a bone which he got early... it doesn't seem Christmassy about here either... I don't recall hearing any Christmas songs playing when I nipped into Woolies on Monday...

Will you be cooking or doing anything special for yourself on Christmas day?

How lovely having G compose some music for you!!!... Oh lass that is a very special gift... I hope he gets better soon & that you might be able to meet up for a coffee over the January holiday break..

Hugs & pats

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey our dear Pawsy 🐾 good seeing you hi everyone ☺

Yikes scary stuff hun you poor thing and going through hard times surfaced all over. Geesh it's all goin on.

It really does get very hard to post and yes agree with Grandy I too am ok for you not to worry about a reply we just want you to self care and focus on getting better dear lady ☺ you're very well liked here ya know and loved.

Good thought Woofa may have been ancious because of the snake. I was wondering which you may have described to the catcher if you recognise what sort it was. Awesome him texting back to see how you were and the bandages too good on him. Pretty decent of him.

Glad hearing you're feeling calmer. It's hard settling esp being on high alert which is good being aware but full on too. I imagine you'd be pretty tired having an early a.m sleep poor love. Hope tonight you have a more settled restful sleep.

Sounds wise how you've been feeling lately to hold off on contacting your relative.

Take care darls.

Love Deebi 🤗🐾🗯⚘✨

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws and everyone

Hoping you have a pleasant Christmas day. I'm nursing Sam through a change of diet and it's upsetting his stomach so I have to take extra care of him over the next few days.

Pretty much everything here closes down for the next week.

Has the snake still disappeared Paws? I hope he has gone back outside.

I hope you treat yourself to something nice.

Merry Christmas from me and little Sam!

🤗🐕🐾🐾🎁🎀🎉🎄🎇💞