Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws, Croix and All,

I'm glad you have your frog book now Paws. I hope you get some good rains soon and there is plenty of froggy activity giving you a chance to spot a few. There is a pair of resident Wood Ducks who visit here and also spend time in the large puddles that have formed across the road. Maybe you will get some duck visitors too if there are sufficient rains and decent puddles.

It's really good you are writing in your journal and it sounds like it is helping you see patterns. Struggling to keep focus is very understandable. I think it's really important to sense into what your inner being needs right now and just go with it. Having that kindness and tenderness towards yourself really helps in the process of grief. After speaking with my psychologist today I just spent four hours under a blanket on my couch, realising I just needed gentleness and stillness. I feel that the gentleness and stillness allows us to feel what we need to feel.

You and everyone stay warm too. Yes, I am feeling some improvement so taking it gently and I will get there.

Sending you a gentle hug,

Eagle Ray

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER, Croix & all,

Well I have gone through my Frog guide & booked marked the frogs whose habitat area covers hereabouts.  Total number is just 16 out of the 246 species covered.  There are only about another 1/2 dozen in Victoria in total, I must admit to being surprised there are so few.  Yes I know it makes sense for there to be fewer the further south you go, given usually frogs need warm, moist places, but I would have guessed Victoria had about double the number it has.  I expected the high number for Qld especially in the tropics.  WA has more than I expected having 87 species & Tassie did well with 12.

Lots of lovely showers of rain all day here.  I haven't heard any frogs calling with the rain yet.  There was a very bedraggled looking crow sitting on the neighbours powerline in the rain, it stayed there for some time the silly thing.  It looked so miserable, I hope after it finally moved off it found a tree to shelter in.  

ER it is good to hear you are nurturing yourself.  Yes gentleness & stillness can have as great a benefit as pushing through & activity.  Knowing when which is best can be tricky.  It sounds like you listened to your body & allowed yourself the space to process your session with your psychologist, as well as what rest you needed being ill.  

A major thing I've noticed since starting my journal.... how terrible my handwriting has become!!!  I mean it was never perfect, but now it gives "doctors writing" a run for winning the worst writing of all.  It has me thinking about how rarely I write by hand now compared to years ago.  A shopping list is the only thing I might write with any regularity.  It has me thinking about a recent article I read in The Conversation, about how children still need to learn to write despite the uptake of tech, because it develops the fine motor skills & hand/eye coordination.  I think I'm proof you need to keep the writing practice up.

Hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Paws, wiht a wave to ER~

I'm glad you are keeping going with the journal, and I quite sympathise with the writing problem (which is why given the choice I'll use a keyboard), however I do know htat  hand-writing improves quickly wiht practice.

My motivation was htat my writing had degenerated ot the point I could not read it, so it was at one stage almost useless.

That spurred me on to slow down and try to concentrate on gettng something on paper as well as concentrating on the subject.  Incidentally I found my attention wavered easily, and that was not so easy to fix, however I found that by leaving the entry, perhaps in mid-sentence, and coming back to  it later did the trick, wiht the added bonus I might have thought something fresh in the meantime.

I used to get frogs because  we  had a stream running through the side paddock, but that  has been diverted elswhere by the council. That plus a local French restaurant may account for it.  We still get mud yabys who dig holes.

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

That is very interesting Paws about the number of frog species in different states. I would have thought there might be more in Victoria too. I didn't realise either that WA had so many, but I guess it is a very big state with a lot of different climate zones and landscapes. I heard three different frogs today on a walk by the river - the banjo frog, quacking frog and another species I don't know the name of that sounds like a creaky door. It was quite amusing hearing a symphony of banjo plucking sounds, quacks and creaks.

The bedraggled looking crow you mention Paws reminds me of a wildlife photo by photographer Georgina Steytler. It is of a raven in the rain and is entitled "The Miserable Raven". It used to be on her website but I found it is now being sold as part of a jigsaw puzzle business specialising in Australian photographers and artists. If you google "The Miserable Raven Jigsaw Gallery Georgina Steytler" you should be able to find it. It is hilarious.

It is interesting you have the mud yabbies Croix. They sound like they are terrestrial rather than aquatic but like damp environments. Here in WA we have freshwater crayfish that are called marron. As far as I'm aware they are entirely aquatic. I see them sometimes in rivers near here. There are two species of marron and one of them, the hairy marron, is critically endangered.

I relate to what you both say about handwriting. Mine is not too flash either. I've always had issues with smudging as I write too because I'm left-handed. I've never developed that technique that some left-handers have where they curl their wrist right around to avoid smudging. I end up with blue or black ink on my little finger. If I'm writing on something like a card for someone, I use a blank piece of paper under my left hand as I go so it doesn't end up a smudgy mess.

We have stormy weather forecast tomorrow. Today the rain held off on my walk and then two minutes after getting home a squally rain shower went through, so I just missed getting drenched. I hope you both and anyone reading have a lovely day tomorrow (or today where you are now).

Hugs,

ER

[Croix]

Dear ER and Paws

The mud yabby is properly known as the freshwater burrowing crayfish and can live in damp ground, burrowing down to the water table to breath. They produce a hole shaped like a miniature volcano, it's about the size of a 50c¢ piece (if you are rich enough have one that is)

They differ from ordinary freshwater crayfish, of which we have a number of varieties ranging from the world's largest down to tiny, by not depending on expanses of water.

Our property has a very high water table and a population quickly develops wherever we have mud and temperate weather

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Croix and Paws,

Croix, that is interesting to have everything from tiny freshwater crayfish to the world's largest. I looked up mud yabby and can see a photo of the burrow you describe.

The woodland across the road from me has rivulets of water running through much of it at the moment because of ongoing significant rain and it would be interesting to know all the creatures that have become active in the wet conditions. Certainly the frogs are very vocal.

I recall from past years when there have been major downpours in the Goldfields area here in WA, all these fish have appeared in what is usually a desert-like environment. People were seeing fish jumping about in roadside puddles. The fish are called spangled perch and are evolved to live in arid environments.

Have a good sleep all 😴

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix,

I have the mud yabbies here.  When I first moved here I had no idea what was making the mud volcanoes that were everywhere & actually wondered if they were wasp nests.  Thankfully one of the locals was able to correct me as to what was making them.  I had known of the yabbies that lived in dams, but that was the first I had heard of the mud yabby.  With the dry spell we have had, I have noticed far fewer towers.

I looked up the miserable raven picture, it definitely doesn't look too happy,  The crow here looked far more bedraggled & it was hanging it's head in what looked liked complete misery the poor thing.  

How fascinating the fish appearing as if from nowhere, I wonder how they survive like that between rains given they need water to breathe.  Now I'm going to have to look them up.

My sister is naturally left handed, but we grew up back when children weren't allowed to do things like writing left handed & were made to use their right hand.  She now does some things right handed (like writing) & others things left handed (like knitting).  

Despite the showers that have been fairly frequent this week just gone, I haven't heard any frog choruses.  Fingers crossed with actual rain forecast they might be more vocal, I do like listening to them, I find it relaxing.

ER how are you doing with your chest infection?  I'm hoping the antibiotics have started to clear it.

Stay warm

Hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws and Croix,

The spangled perch are fascinating and a bit mysterious. They can apparently survive high water temperatures up to 44 degrees and can tolerate water from fresh all the way to very saline. There has been speculation that they can survive in mud and damp leaf litter when water dries up, but no direct observation has proven this yet. So their sudden appearance after rain in areas that were previously very dry is quite a mysterious surprise. I love that nature has these mysteries.

I was not made to write right-handed like your sister but I am a bit ambidextrous. I think this is partly adapting to a right-handed world but I have read that left-handers are also apparently often innately a bit ambidextrous to begin with. I write and use a knife and fork left-handed but I chop vegetables and use scissors right-handed. I did athletics as a child and did shot put and javelin left-handed, but discus right-handed. I feel like my left and right brain are kind of non-standard as well, like there is a lot of communication across hemispheres for me. It’s a feeling that’s hard to put into words, like I am feeling everything at once in all kinds of ways.

My chest infection is definitely improving thank you Paws. Unfortunately the med for it is making a histamine intolerance issue worse that has come about because of the hormone meds I’m on. This is a known issue with menopausal hormone therapy as well as with the antibiotic med. But it should settle a little after I finish the meds for the chest infection. I take a supplement that helps to break down histamine before meals. I’m not coming off the hormone medication as it has improved my mental health so much.

I do hope you get to hear some frogs soon Paws, and maybe you might too Croix if there is enough rain (and they are not being collected by the French restaurant you mention :-)). Actually I met a lovely older Croatian couple once when on a walk. They were collecting wild plants, the ones often considered weeds such as wild rocket and were telling me this is what they did in post-WWII Europe when food was scarce. They still love to do it.

I hope you are both going along ok and that you have a lovely day.

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER & Croix, wave to all,

Thankfully the worst of yesterday's thunderstorms missed here & I only had small hail, not the golf ball size that elsewhere got.  I felt sorry for the animals out in it even so, as the rain & hail was still torrential for long periods & must have been uncomfortable to be out in.

There are a number of articles at the moment on the ABC news site about how unseasonal our weather is now compared to 30 years ago & the affects it is having on plants & animals.  I feel sorry for the Floriade gardeners in Canberra having some plants already thinking it's Spring & blooming now even though the show isn't for another 3 weeks.  It's the same for the poor people who run the ski resorts with so many already closing due to lack of snow.  I remember they used to remain open often well into October.  

ER I'm surprised no-one has investigated the Spangled Perch, I would think it would make a brilliant PHD for someone to kick start their career with.  Though having said that I do love it when nature surprises us with things we never imagined possible & a fish surviving without water does tick that box.  

I think I would be worried about foraging for food as the Croatian couple you met were.  I would want someone very experienced in bush tucker to guide me with what plants are safely edible.  Plus you would need to be aware of the possibility of harmful pesticides or other pollutants depending on where the plants were growing.  I know that people/councils don't always put up warning signs when they spray the blackberries or other weeds along the country road verges. 

I've not been up long having spent over 22 hours in bed sleeping.  I know it is mood based & I must need it, because normally if I sleep to long I wake with a headache which hasn't been happening with this latest round of over sleeping.  Even so I am finding I get up feeling very flat & unmotivated.  I am still keeping up my journal which is one thing to tick off in the things done column at least.

Stay dry

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws, Croix and All,

Paws, I'm glad you didn't have golf ball size hail. It can do a lot of damage. I went through the 2010 hail storm in Perth and sat on my bed as the entire floor of my flat flooded and lightning ripped a tree apart outside. Vast numbers of cars and properties across Perth were smashed. I think the small hail is preferable any day. I too feel so sorry for animals out in it. I hope you got the rain you needed but not any damage.

I read those same articles about the unseasonal weather. In this southern part of WA we are experiencing normal winter weather, but in the north of the state it has reached 40 degrees - in August!!! Those temperatures are normal at other times up north but not usual for this time of year. The wildlife photographers whose podcast I listen to have spoken about lakes no longer freezing over in the winter in the last few years (in the UK). There is definitely a changing pattern and species worldwide are having to try to rapidly adapt to the rate of change.

Yes, the mysteries of the Spangled Perch would make a wonderful PhD topic. The researcher would be monitoring the weather, looking out for the right conditions for Spangled Perch to suddenly appear. Even if they couldn't completely solve it, they could contribute some pieces of the puzzle.

I was worried myself about the Croatian couple and I did mention to them to look out for weeds that might have been sprayed. I mentioned that a blue or pink dye is often used to show where RoundUp has been sprayed. The location I met them was a coastal area in the southern suburbs of Perth. Usually signs do go up for spraying in the metropolitan area, but I think I'd still feel a bit cautious myself. There were fig trees in dunes near where I grew up and I used to like to go and collect some. I'd bring them home in a paper bag feeling like I'd done some productive food foraging.

It does sound like you need the sleep Paws. I too often wake up with a headache if I oversleep. If you are not getting the headache it does sound like it is what your body needs. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia a long time ago but have suspected I may have chronic fatigue as well, as I've had periods over many years where I have just totally crashed and slept for up to 24 hours. It has always followed a period of mental and/or physical stress. I know with chronic fatigue the mitochondria are not working properly, so when you have depleted the available aerobic energy in muscles the body does not have a store of anaerobic energy it can draw on. I feel like that is what has happened for me at times where I have lost the capacity to move or speak. I then will sleep for an unusually long time.

It is good you are keeping your journal and you may be able to see patterns over time. It is important to be kind to yourself even if feeling flat and unmotivated. I feel like everything the body does, it does it for a reason, and it's often a case of trying to figure out the reason. You've certainly been through a lot recently at an emotional level and that can definitely have a physiological impact. Perhaps maybe as spring emerges you may feel some uplift with the change of season (though I know it is changing early this year as you mentioned above).

Take good care and anyone else reading too.

Hugs,

ER