Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Paws,

The naturopath has sent the info for the B6 blood test to be done through his usual provider. They have collection centres in a town an hour away that I have to go to tomorrow to report income to Centrelink, so I should be able to do both on the same day hopefully. I hope I can sleep tonight otherwise I might not be capable of driving there as I’m already sleep deprived. I do feel so low but I keep trying to distract myself with positive things.

I loved hearing about the Freds in your life and their voracious appetites 😂 I know Labradors can be very enthusiastic eaters, sometimes of objects that are not actually food as well 🙈 You mentioning your fish reminded me of my housemate’s fish called Harrietta. She used to do jumps out of the water at times. One jump was a bit too enthusiastic and involved her launching herself from the bowl. Luckily my housemate was there to rescue her but I then always felt a bit nervous after that if I heard her splashing about.

Ah, yes, you are back to the hot weather. It’s been cool here and a decent rain shower went through a little while ago. I must go down and do the dishes, fill out the Centrelink form, do the pre-payment for the blood test and then work out the procedure and exact location tomorrow for having it done. Sleep well Paws and keep cool in the coming days.

Gentlest of hugs to you too,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

I hope you managed some sleep last night.  Neither Centrelink nor having blood taken are fun things to do, hopefully it all went well & you took some time while there to visit a park or some other green space to recharge.

Oh my goodness, Harrietta clearly had an adventurous spirit not normally seen in fish who live in tanks.  It does beg the question... was she watching too many cartoons where fish did this with no ill effects???? 🤣  

There are some old sayings "making a rod for your own back"  & "having all your chickens coming home to roost"  which I am now having apply to me.  Late yesterday evening I lost my water supply.  Bad enough in its self, but I haven't been clearing down the back corner where my meter box & water pump access are located.  My line trimmer which was old finally gave up the ghost a while ago & I have been putting off going to Bunnings to get a new one for ages.  Now I will need to get a brush cutter, as a line trimmer won't cope with the growth & I can't check either my meter box or pump until I cut all the growth away.  Not having water isn't something that I can just work around, I will have to go to big town tomorrow & make a start at clearing.  I need to get this done fast as depending on what I find I may either have to call a Sparky or Plumber to get water flowing again.  I'm going to be mortified who ever I get out as my house & yard are both depressingly out of control.

hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Paws,

I managed to get through today but it was hard. I took a sleep med last night (well known sleep hormone) to try to make sure I slept and did manage 6 hours, thank goodness. First venue I went for a blood test I was told they couldn’t do it as a sample for B6 goes into a freezer and they don’t have one. But another place in town does, so got it done there. Has to be wrapped immediately in alfoil too because it’s light sensitive. Interesting 🤔 What was of particular interest to me was registering via the private pathology system I found it seems I can even choose to order my own blood tests! I had no idea about this. As someone who is a natural researcher and problem solver, this may give me the agency to do my own healthcare in the absence of helpful doctors, if I can afford the tests I’m interested in.

When I submitted my forms to Centrelink the person who received them advised I should have included a bunch of things in the expenses and depreciation part of my profit and loss statement and advised seeing a bookkeeper. I said it didn’t feel financially worth it given my very small business income, but she advised it’s better to do it that way. I will look into this for the next reporting period. I’m very disillusioned with the photo agency I’m with at the moment as they’ve done a number of ethically questionable things. So thinking about pulling the plug with them. Some people I know have shown interest in using a large print of one of my images for their business so following up on that and looking at ways to go forward with photo business opportunities completely independent of agencies. I’m very conscious of really not being well a lot of the time, so trying to focus on what is doable within my limitations.

Yes, Harrietta was indeed a spirited fish, quite the character. The TV was visible from her bowl so perhaps she did learn her acrobatic moves from television 🤣

Paws, that’s no good about your water supply. I really wouldn’t worry about what a plumber or sparky may think. I felt a bit self-conscious when I had an electrician here a few months ago and things were rather cluttered. But I could tell his entire focus was on solving the electrical problem, not on my level of tidiness and organisation. Someone I knew a few years ago told me how she had a dugite (very poisonous snake species) in her laundry basket 🧺🐍 I asked if she called in the snake catcher. She said, “Oh no, I couldn’t, my house was way too messy”. She just waited for the snake to eventually go back outside. She’s terrified of snakes but her son who loves them thought it was incredibly cool to have a snake visitor.

I’m wondering whether you may have a local handy person who could do the brush cutting for you so you don’t have to buy a brush cutter? Would perhaps the local village store be a place to ask if such a person is in the area? I guess you can buy bottled water in the form of those large dispensers, but I don’t know if your local store has those? Also, they can be heavy, so take care carrying them if you buy any. I’m pretty sure Woolies would have them. But it will be a pain indeed not having water, not being able to have a shower etc. Don’t hesitate to ask for any help you need. It’s important to get your water supply back soon. 

Take care Paws,

Hugs,

ER

[Paw Prints]

Hello ER,

That is so good to hear that you managed to get some sleep.  You are right that is fascinating about your blood sample having to be wrapped in tinfoil, I wonder how sunlight affects the B6 readings.  (I will be googling this)  I'm guessing that if someone is willing to pay there isn't really any medical reason not to let them order their own blood tests.  I suppose the only possible risk would be how the test results would be interpreted by someone without any understanding of what the results might mean.  

If you aren't happy with the agency then pulling the plug is probably the best way to go.  You will need to work out if going solo is something that you can afford as I would guess it would take time to get your name & work out there & noticed by those who would pay for an image.  Though that might work in your favour, being limited now as what you can manage, you could grow your business in step with your health improving.  It is hard for a micro business like yours to afford ongoing book keeper assistance as the costs can wipe out what little profit they might make.  Do you know anyone who uses a book keeper that they could recommend or who is a book keeper.  It might be worth your while to have a single session with a book keeper to show them your account keeping & have them show you what you need to record & how to show it on your profit & loss statement.  Your assets & liabilities would not be large I imagine & it should be easy for a book keeper to show you the ropes, especially how to calculate & show depreciation or right off of assets.  As part of my position at my last job, I used to do the book keeping & if I can do it, anyone can.

Unfortunately there are no handymen hereabouts as I have been looking for one since moving here.  I used to have a gardener who mowed & cleared along fence lines etc, but he is no longer available & none of the other local gardeners do outside the townships.  My neighbour did put his cows in my paddock & mow the verge with his tractor for a few months, but he is gone now too.  I went to big town & bought the brush cutter this afternoon.  It was too hot this morning to go, but the drop in temp started coming through about lunch time ahead of the cool change.  The cool change proper is just starting to come through with winds to clear the humidity away.  As today is a day of total fire ban & working machinery like mowers or brush cutters isn't allowed I will get out tomorrow morning & make a start.  It will also allow me to fully charge the battery.

I would honestly like to trade my head in... after going to Bunnings, I drove past Woolies & thought that I needed to get something from there, but couldn't remember what... got home & remembered I meant to get water... grrr I am an idiot.  I will go to the general store tomorrow & see what water options they stock.  

I hope you rested up after your trip into town.

hugs

Paws