Staying/Getting/Doing Well – Moving goalposts or fixed target?

[Paw Prints]

Hi, this is my first post, though I have been reading the forums for some weeks. I’m probably expressing myself badly when I say that I have found reading about other people’s journeys reassuring. Finding a community of people who “get it” even when they have a wide variety of experiences and lives lived is not something I thought I would ever find.

Though people talk about getting well & there is a section Staying Well, I’m curious as to what this actually means to other people and how they manage their expectations. I noticed some people refer to being well as ‘being like themselves before they got ill’, whilst others don’t express an exact aim.

My idea of being well has changed over the years. I was first diagnosed as an 8 year old child back in the late sixties. The doctors told Mum that the voices in my head & the sudden crying bouts were because I suffered from ‘nerves’ & I was given meds to calm me. Of course such things were not discussed back then & I was told not to talk about it to anyone, not my school friends nor siblings, just Mum. For decades after my idea of being well simply meant being able to hide my illness from others.

A number of events in my life caused my illness to worsen, until some years ago I became so ill I needed to be hospitalised for my own safety. This lead to my current diagnosis of Major Depression, Anxiety & PTSD. I’m no longer in that dark place, but each day is still a battle (though I can now believe in a future). For now only my siblings & one friend know about my illness, though some things they still don’t know.
So, what does ‘being well’ mean to me, it is ever moving goalposts. If you had asked me 5 years ago would I be as well as I am now I would have thought it impossible as I couldn’t envision a future. If you had asked me last week (during one of my down periods) I would have said my progress was all an illusion & I was fooling myself that things can get better.
For now my idea of being well is being able to believe that things can change for the better, that I will one day be able to manage the everyday things like housework, caring for myself & caring for my dog & maybe, just maybe I will even be able to enjoy myself.

Paw Prints
**I took the tip to give myself time to write my post by writing on a word doc & then paste it.

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty,

That sounds tricky for you.  I have a friend who has to use hearing aids when she is on the phone and she does find them fiddly.  She says she tries to not use them around the house because they are annoying, but on the phone she does need them.   It sounds like they take quite a bit of getting used to!

I hope you are doing something nice for Christmas.  I am having a quiet easy lunch with a couple of friends - it's forecast to be very hot so we really won't want to do much.  Also the holiday makers are pouring into town today, the main street was gridlocked - this is only a small place but a favourite holiday destination for lots of folk.  It's good business for the local motels and cafes!

[mmMekitty]

Yes, Hanna, the forecast isn't looking too good even where I am, so definitely, I am not cooking my lunch - just chopping & unthawing from the freezer. I may take a couple, or three cool showers during the day ... finding some music, maybe a movie, just taking it easy.

Then the forecast is for even warmer days after!

I surely hope no-one comes to my door unexpectedly, because I just might have only my undies on.

I was hoping to catch a glimpse of the solstice sun reach beyond the door frame at exactly 6pm today, but, unfortately, there were clouds in the way. It's the only time of year when the sun gets beyond the doorframe there. I look for it every year, but for the last 5 years, there have been clouds over there, keeping the sun from shining into my bedroom, just that few millimetres.

I'm waiting until the New Year to return the hearing aid for them to send it off to have reshaped. Doing that takes a few weeks, & it can't be done before the beginning of next year, due to the holiday season, so I may as well continue to get used to how wearing both sounds.

I was listening to some music today with the hearing aids in, & the sound came directly to them, just like wearing earbuds, so I could go into my bedroom & still hear the music, but not into my bathroom. As soon as I crossed the threshold the sound became intermittent.

I decided to try Apple music - though I know I don't want to subscribe, to find Xmas music. I found some old Jazz Xmas songs, some of which I can sing to. Others may have come from movies. There was one old song 'Christmas Island', which was a sort of fantasy about having Christmas on Christmas Island - Oh My Whiskers! I don't think that would go over very well now. It might win for the most inappropriate Xmas song, if it was released today.

There are still more I'll listen to, add to 'My Library' & listen to again.

Hugzies

mmMekitty 

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty, Hanna, wave to everyone,

I love the idea of trying to spot the summer solstice sunlight in your place, it sounds like me trying to see the meteor shower that happens every December... still haven't as it is always cloudy.

Hannah I hope you have a lovely lunch with your friends... 

Thankfully here isn't supposed to be more than the low 20s for the coming week... more than hot enough for me... I've still been needing the fan on as despite the cooler weather it is still humid.... I hope you both manage to stay cool if the weather is going to be hot where you are.

I'm not doing well at the moment... nothing to do with Xmas... I'm just struggling to manage life... I'm feeling down with myself as it shouldn't be this hard to do the basics... 

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Is it managing life generally or the housekeeping - I remember you were finding that challenging.  I used to think you tried to do too much at once - I took the advice of starting just with the kitchen sink - and keeping that clean and polished.  It makes you feel so good when you get into the habit of doing that every day.  Then decluttering but small amounts at a time, because it takes a long time to get a lot of clutter and it takes a long time to get rid/sort it all.  I love having the place here kept simple and under control, it's very calming.  Just do it in little bits, otherwise you get discouraged and exhausted.

Maybe the looming Christmas makes you feel a bit down?  Do you go into the city to meet up with family?  I'll be glad when it's over, I don't like the crowded supermarkets etc... at least it's only one day really.  I tell myself once over that and into the New Year, it's really 8 weeks until finally we will be heading into cooler weather at last!

Maybe when you get another doggie that will help?  I got chatting briefly to a young man this morning who was waiting outside a shop with a beautiful Boxer dog that had laid down on the ground in protest when his owner - the young man's girlfriend - had disappeared into the shop and the dog couldn't follow her in!  Dogs are wonderful but the young chap felt a bit silly hanging onto the lead of a horizontal doggo!

Hope you feel better soon...

[mmMekitty]

Hi  paws & Hanna (& the Horizontal Doggo)

I heard there were supposed to be some meteor showers, but, yes, of-course it was cloudy - & the report didn't even tell me at what time, nor in which direction to face, even though it's unlikely I could see them, lacking eyesight, & there being too much light pollution, & yep, the clouds everywhere... Maybe next time, Paws.... I'll be seeking pictures online, & maybe see 'an idea of meteors' when I find them.

I'm sorry you've been feeling down. There are so many 'little' reasons which could contribute to feeling down, only you can hazzard a guess & get within cooey of the reason/s for how you are feeling.

Whether you can guess at why, or not, doesn't mean you can't do anything to lift your own mood. I'm sure you know of things you've done before which have helped, (hopefully, not too unhealthy), which you could go to again.

For me, it's getting myself up & moving.

I put on a skirt which is sort of Xmassy & a green top.

Last night, I subscribed to Apple Music & found music. I put some of that music on earlier & was sort of singing & dancing.

I did some cooking, It's not too hot today. I made some veggie pancakes for lunch. & my overall mood has risen.

Later I'll have a shower & feel clean & fresh - that's helps.

& yes, I bought some chocolates, so I will have a few.

I will also, this afternoon, have a little fun with the word games here.

Then go back to hear some more of the latest book I've been listening to. (Isaac Asimov's Foundation series).

Unfortunately, I looked into the setting on my PC & I have discovered I now need to have Windows 11 in order to fully synch my iPhone to it. I thought it was because I'm getting mail on both. But, of-course, not messages, nor have the more recent photos become available on my PC unless I send them via email to myself. To make this seem less weird, I use a second email address. Really, though, it's getting to the point where I'm not sure why I bother with that anymore.

So, let's see, my mood did dip a bit to see I need Windows 11, then a bit to have subcribed to Apple Music & having selected songs for My Library, my iPhone isn't playing them. On the other side, my mood went up by getting up, getting dressed, making a nice lunch listening to music I've been finding anyway, (most is pretty good ), & soon will go up some more.

So my mood has gone up about 5-6 levels more than it's gone down. That's success!

Do you have any ideas of how you could help yourself?

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear Paws, Hanna and mmMeKitty,

 I just thought I’d share something I saw today. I thought it may cheer you up a little Paws after reading you are feeling down.

Before doing my grocery shopping today I had something to eat at a cafe. There is a semi-enclosed verandah there people can bring their dogs into. A man came in with the most gorgeous black cocker spaniel. The first thing the doggy did was go up to a dachshund already there to greet him. They had a friendly doggy interaction. Then the spaniel just couldn’t stop wagging his tail with happiness. His owner was so loving and good with him. Then a woman and two girls came in and were beside themselves in love with the spaniel, giving him lots of pats. Everyone who came in the spaniel wanted to meet and couldn’t stop wagging his tail the whole time. Before leaving I went up to him too to give him pats and got licks and doggy cuddles. I know you like spaniels Paws so just thought of you and this happy doggo 🐶🥰

I hope you feel better soon. I get down at times feeling I am not managing things. I’m trying to see the positives of what I have done. Even if it is just getting my dishes done I try to tell myself I’ve achieved something. I think we have different thresholds at different times for what we can manage. I know it can be discouraging though when you see what you want to do but can’t do it all. I almost always overestimate what I can do in a day, so trying to set small achievable goals. I’m also trying to remember to factor things I enjoy into the day and know that is good for my morale and self-care.

Hanna, I relate to starting with just trying to keep the kitchen sink clean. In the past year I’ve left my dishes 2-3 days at times as was just not well enough to do them. In the past I would never leave them overnight. When I do them now I put on a podcast on a topic of interest and that definitely helps keep me going. I enjoy just the sound of other human voices discussing things too. 

MK, I hope you can get Windows 11 sorted. Is it something a support worker can help with, downloading and installing the software? I’m on a Mac now so haven’t used Windows in a while. I also need to download the latest Mac operating system. I’ll do a backup to my external hard drive first, especially as I have my photos on my computer that are so important for me. I’m glad you have found some enjoyable mood-lifting activities.

Take care everyone and I hope you can have a peaceful, restful and enjoyable time over Christmas 🎄🌟🤗

[mmMekitty]

Hi ER - the problem with Windows 11 is that my PC is TOO old & can't take Windows 11.

Lovely doggo story, too. 😸

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Oh I see MK. Oh no! Does that mean a new PC may be required soon? I know phones also reach a point where they can eventually no longer be upgraded. Things are not made to last these days. My car is almost 24 years old. I’m going to be very sad when it goes to car heaven because I love how basic it is. The windows wind down manually. Even the immobiliser is de-immobilised with a simple jack in a socket before ignition, so no remote with a battery that needs replacing. New cars today are more computer than car!

Hugs,

ER

[mmMekitty]

Phones are computers. My tele is very much nearing being a computer. My old computer had Windows XP on it when I bought it, & I liked XP better than any operating system they've brought out since.

Compatibility becomes a problem, along with when the company, (Microsoft) stops supporting their own sofware. Then they insist that their customers use different software, different email systems, & that their computers have more storage space, are able to recieve & send at faster speeds, etc, etc, seems like every two years - I keep thinking, what a monumental waste, no matter how much of the hardware is actually being recycled.

Can we imagine living our lives without this technology being available to us anymore?

Individuals & businesses & government alike have become so reliant upon the technology it's scary to be faced with being without. Just notice what it was like for us when Optus had its most recent problem. & that was for only about 12 hours.

As wonderful & helpful as it can be - I also hate it!

& something happened outside here, for which I am glad someone had a phone to use, but I'm annoyed I didn't notice because I've had my hearing aids, playing music for me, while coming & going from here, munching a bit, singing etc - I didn't hear, not until an odd sound & then I was a couple minutes away from noticing what the sound was related to. & then I notice a smell of smoke...  you know, a person can be too distracted.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Eagle Ray]

Yes, this tech is definitely a mixed blessing isn’t MK! I do appreciate it in many ways, but I also love the simplicity of the past compared to now. I appreciate that this BB Forum exists, for example. Going back a few decades people couldn’t connect so easily across time and space, especially around shared circumstances or interests. But we are also now largely dependent on these things.

I hope whatever happened today outside your place was not too serious. It’s true, we can be distracted. I’ve seen people riding their bike and texting at the same time!

I hope you sleep well and purr peacefully tonight mmMeKitty, and everyone else too 😴🤗