It’s been 7 years now since I was correctly diagnosed with bipolar 2, depression, dysthymia and dwindling anxiety. For 7 years prior to that I’d taken medication for an incorrect diagnosis of bipolar 1 and ADHD.
The two ongoing symptoms that remain the most and affect me daily are- ultra sensitivity and temperamental mood. Look at me sideways at the wrong moment and the day is ruined. The thing that keeps me so positive is that all the other symptoms are being managed well, the cycle of upset emotions, paranoia, anger, manic mind of doing everything fast and unacceptable behaviour usually seen with over reaction to others.
I can recall years ago if driving on a highway at the speed limit, someone passing me comfortably like 20-30 kph more would result in my flashing my lights, waving out the window etc and pity them if they stopped at a traffic light up the road!!! It took me many years to move on from my first wife’s behaviour, the pre judgemental behaviour of my friends and family. Yeh, I’ve changed and settled well but I still live on a tightrope.
My anxiety was the worst in 1987 but it was present since my young age. I got treatment and have to say that there is no clear sign of anxiety now apart from adrenalin and excitement- normal levels.
Being temperamental cant be easy to live with. My wife puts up with a lot but our marriage is strong. I hate myself when I upset her and want to be someone else. I'm not entirely happy within my own skin. I don't like how I react and talk without thinking.
I feel that sensitivity is inground, an automatic response mechanism that is not possible to eradicate. The feeling of immediate upset when someone says the wrong thing (in my eyes) is like a chemical reaction, a tingle in my brain that almost results in immediately crying. I refrain from crying though but did all the time when young.
I’m wondering if any of you feel the same or you feel your partner is similar and what you do to limit your sensitivity and moods?
Tony WK
