Self-care before caring for others

[sashamentalhealth]

Hi everyone,

just thought i would post about what worked for me when caring for someone who is undergoing mental challenges. 

I took care of some of my loved ones when they were mentally struggling. I did not realise this took such a toll on me until i found myself always feeling empty and overwhelmed. i felt guilty when i experienced these emotions as i felt like it was my duty to always be okay to help. i started ignoring the signs that i was also struggling and ignored self-care and self-prioritising for quite a while. this ended badly as i was suppressing my emotions to the point that i had a huge breakdown after a couple of months prioritising others over myself.

i realised that i couldnt continue ignoring my own needs if i also wanted to help other people. i started to engage in at least 2 hours a day to do the things i loved like exercising or drawing, i ensured that i got enough sleep, and that i would also process my own emotions that involved emotions from my own problems as well as those stemming from trying to help other people. 

i know that its easier said than done to help yourself before you help others, but starting with something small like allocating a number of hours to check in on yourself goes a long way. 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi sadhamentalhealth…

 I can so relate to this! I was a long term carer of other family members with both mental and physical health issues. While I made attempts to address my own needs here and there, mostly they were swamped by the feeling I had to take care of everyone else. My own emotional and physical health really suffered. Several of those family members have passed now, but the effects are still with me though I’m gradually starting to heal.

Your suggestion of setting aside that time for self-care is so important. It can be hard to even look at your own emotions during that time, so what you say about ensuring you are processing your own emotions is really necessary to avoid eventual breakdown.

I’m imagining something like a self-care chart or weekly planner with the self-care clearly demarcated, whatever it is - exercise, hobby, counselling etc.

Thank you for this valuable reminder for those of us that can fail to prioritise our own needs. I live alone now and I still catch myself out not thinking of my own needs. I’ll be focused on doing something for a neighbour, friend etc without asking myself, hang on a minute, does that suit me right now? Am I feeling up to it? Is it something that can wait until I’ve done xyz for myself? Slowly I am getting the idea that I’m allowed to prioritise myself and that it’s essential for my wellbeing. I’m then much better placed to help others in a healthier way.

[sashamentalhealth]

hi eagle ray, 

thank you so much for sharing! it can definitely be hard to prioritise ourselves at times. i'm glad we've both (and others who experience similar things) found a way to connect with our own emotions and needs.