Recovery!

[freemefrommydemons]

I thought I would maybe share my success story,

For around 3 years now I have been dealing with depression, anxiety (Around 6 years), anorexia nervosa and borderline personality disorder (BPD), I had been on and off with recovery, not really sure where I was going. This year was by far the most dangerous and emotionally draining. It was the year where I wasn't sure I was going to make it out alive, I had no hope and I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Abusing alcohol and drugs, self harming and anything to make me feel. But this isn't a sad story, not at all. It has a happy ending. just like every recovery you have to choose it, you have to honestly want it and you have to fight for it. I lost many many friends during this time, I lost support and I lost myself, but I had people around me who wanted me to stay and fight, so everyday they would get me through the tears and pain, they would be up with me all night keeping me safe. My psychologist worked so hard with me, and got me to a point where I was almost alive again, I worked on my diet and lifestyle and balancing both of those aspects. 

It was 3 months ago when I was last on this website, and it was a terrifying time for me, I was almost placed in hospital against my will, now here I am finding myself again. Picking up the pieces and putting myself back together. I am 3 (!!!) months clean from self harm, as well as 3 months clean from drugs and cigarettes and 1 week clean from alcohol which has been my biggest substance abuse and it will take a long time to get over. 

If I had three tips for anyone suffering I would say

1. Don't give up, I know it seems like thats the best option but its honestly not. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, I didn't see it for a very long time but now I can, I can see that little light becoming brighter and im not going to let it go!

2. Relapse is inevitable, this sounds hard and it is. Relapse is a part of recovery, there are days you are going to give up and slip, but the thing is every single relapse you learn, and you learn how to avoid it and you learn how to pick yourself up again

3. Be yourself, this one sounds odd right? For the whole of my life I have been someone who adjusts myself to others, I had a different 'personality' more like a different act for every friendship group so they would accept me, and what I have learnt is if you have to change who you are for others, then they really aren't your friends.

Don't give up, & stay strong xxx

[Neil_1]

 Hi there FreeMe

Way to go and congrats to you on such a wonderful and encouraging post and being able to share your story.  Good news stories – they are always great to read and the more we can have, the better, I reckon.

Thank you for sharing and congrats to you on your 3 months clean from self-harm and the same for drugs and cigarettes.  Congrats also on the one week clean on alcohol – one day at time, adds another day. 

Neil

[White_Rose]

Dear Freeme

Thank you so much for your post. I have just discovered it and another similar post.

The point that speaks to me is being yourself. For so many years I have done as you described, changed myself constantly to suit others. And I still do, but I am learning. I had an increase in my ADs which resulted in a remarkable clarity of thought and much joy. Not euphoria I hasten to add, but solid happiness. Wonderful!

As you say, relapses happen but I know I will get through them and live to fight another day.  But I am now determined to be the person I am without cringing in corners or being over assertive. Still haven't got the balance quite right, but I am emerging and I like it. Fear, which was always the trigger for my chameleon ways, is gradually being replaced by self confidence. As you said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And as my sister used to say, and it's not the light of an oncoming train.

Thank you.

Regards

Mary

[geoff]

dear Freeme, well I have to well and truly congratulate you to be able to get to this point in your life.

To be clean from drugs, smokes and alcohol is an enormous effort, and it reminds me of an elderly chap I once knew and looked after, who has now passed away, but his philosophy was that if you give up alcohol then go the whole hog and stop smoking, by going cold turkey, that's the only way, but he knew that the first couple of days would be hell.

Relapses are inevitable and we can't stop them, because before we know it they are upon us, and as time progress's we can handle on how to overcome them, but not necessarily stop them.

Keep up the good work and it's lovely to have you back on the site. Geoff.