Need to be kept accountable to help meet goals

[scorch]

Hi everyone.

So as some of you know I suffer from depression and anxiety.  I'm trying to live my life to the fullest, but as anyone who has a mental illness knows, it can sometimes be very difficult to get your butt into gear and do what needs doing,

I am often overcome by feelings of worthlessness and that I am a failure.  I know that these feelings are lying to me, I AM precious and beautiful and worth so much!  I HAVE accomplished many things and will continue to do... but you know, the feelings can still drag you down sometimes.

Anywho... I've been talking to my husband (who is remarkably understanding and patient with my erratic behavior/mood swings) and we've decided to set some goals for us to aim for, so that we can reach our MEGA GOAL which is to undergo IVF treatment and hopefully start a family.

I have PCOS which is a genetic disorder that means it is incredibly difficult to have children.  It also has about a zillion other side effects including high risk of depression, higher risk of diabetes plus plenty of physical effects all which make me feel like a hideous freak who is hardly a woman at all. We've been trying to have kids for 5 years now, but all treatments have come to naught.  We will have to undergo IVF, but it is a long process that costs heaps of money... and we just don't have the funds.  This kind of set us both back and over the last year or so we've been sitting stagnant on the kid's issue and it's been negatively affecting our marriage.

So the other night we decided enough was enough.  We have to get serious about having kids, which means working towards our MEGA GOAL. 

We're going to attack this on two fronts.  First, my husband is trying to pick up some extra work as a security guard as well as his normal day job.  Any money he makes from that is going straight into a special 'baby making' bank account.  He's also been putting aside a little each week for the last couple of years, but now we're hoping to boost that.  I am also putting a little from my wage into the account too.  It's already a struggle for us financially, but we'll make it work because this is something we really want.

The second part of our goal is for me to lose a whole lot of weight so that I'll be in prime fitness when we can finally undergo treatment.  I have to lose about 40kg.  I know that sounds like a lot, but I'm really heavy even though I look like I weigh a lot less  (thank goodness!)

This is where you guys come in.  Because of my depression, I struggle to start things.  It's hard to get out of bed in the morning, so it's really hard to summon the energy to hop on the treadmill and do a workout. 

I've got a home setup of a cheapo treadmill and a rowing/cycling machine, so I've got easy access to equipment and no excuses.  

So it it's not too much trouble, will someone touch base with me once or twice a week to keep me accountable and make sure I'm actually exercising and eating healthily?   Does anyone else need to lose weight and want me to help keep you accountable and on track?  Is there a whole bunch of us that want to get healthier and we could all keep each other accountable?

I hope that some people will think this is a good idea.  When we share the load we can go further than we ever could on our own.

[Neil_1]

Hi Scorch  

Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhhh, you’ve mentioned one of my major hates … the dreaded “i” word (injury).  And back injuries are not much fun at all.   

That is encouraging that you’re back at work today … so yes, I do hope that you get through today ok and that it behaves itself. 

With regard to injuries you incur, do you have any routines that you do, in order to help get yourself mended (ie:  chemist for anti-inflams if necessary or some voltarin cream – perhaps even physio as well?)  Or is it simply a matter of letting time heal it and that it’ll come good with appropriate amount of rest.  I know for me, I have to try every avenue available (within financial limitations obviously) to getting myself fixed because an injury can really plummet me very quickly into the depths of hellishly deep depression.  

Yes, if you can manage a weekend ‘cook up’, it’s a really great way to ensure that you’ve got plenty of meals available during the upcoming week.  And you can play around with it as well … one week it can be chicken, sweet potato and other vegies;   another week you can choose another cut of meat (if you wish) and give some brown rice (or basmati rice) a go with your vegies.  What I cannot do without is my little set of kitchen scales for the measuring of meat.  However, please note that we’re all different with regard to how much we can consume and I have been on 200g of meat per portion in the past, but I’m just cutting things back a little, down to around the 170g size because I feel not so full from having that.  I also eat around 6-7 times per day, every 2 ½ to 3 hours;   but one of those meals kind of mid-arve is a protein shake and an apple.  

So yeah, just in regard to the cook-ups again … just make sure you’ve got plenty of chinese kinds of containers or cheapy tuppaware containers and also I hope that you’ve got ample room in your freezer.  I know our freezer on Sunday arve is generally chockers, cause I’ve got my meals all over the place in there.  🙂  

One last thing Scorch … I know that you want to get this exercise habit up and happening, but please be very careful at the moment – and listen to your body and let it tell you when you’ll be ok to get back to doing some exercises.  I’d be giving the rower a rest until you feel totally ok in the back region.  

Kind regards  

Neil

[scorch]

Yes, injury.  The second it happened I was all 'aaarggh!!! The timing sucks!'  Isn't that the way it seems to happen though?  You start to get things sorted and organised, then BAM, spanner in the works.

I've gotten some cream, anti-inflammatories and painkillers from the chemist.  They say that plus plenty of rest should do the trick.  I have to go to work though, because I don't get sick pay and can't afford not to.  It's pretty crappy, but I dose up on painkillers and stick it out.

I don't have a set of kitchen scales, so I think I might have to invest in some.  Sounds like portioning is important with these meals. I think I'll have to pop down to the shops tonight and pick some up as well as a bunch of those freezable containers. 

Since I got injured my hubby has been cooking, he's decided to also lose weight and get fit so we've been eating pretty well lately.  Last night was fish garnished with cherry tomatoes straight from my mum's garden (cooked with a splash of balsamic vinegar and herbs.)   We had homemade sweet potato chips with it.

Yummo!

I've been too afraid to use any of the equipment yet.  After work yesterday my back was killing me, I was very stiff and sore.  Think I might have to wait a few more days before getting back on the treadie or the bike.  Not going to touch the rower for a week at least.

thanks again for your support Neil.  You are a superstar!  🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Scorch,  

Another thing to do and “soon” is to get your weighed measurement done.  This has also got to be then done at the same time of day when you do it next time, be it in a week’s time or a fortnight’s time.  Do not do daily weighing and do not weigh yourself at different times of the day.  Perhaps you already know this sort of thing, but if there’s other readers out there, I’ll just finish off what I started.  

For me, my weigh day is the same … first thing every Saturday morning – am up out of bed, make the necessary trip to the toilet, then it’s off to the scales, au naturale, ie:  in your birthday suit and weigh then.  But hey, you can do it any morning of the week … I’ve for some reason chosen Saturday morning as my time.  And then the following week if you’re going to do it on a weekly basis, repeat the exact same process. 

Have somewhere that you can write down the results … I’m not sure if you know, but I keep a daily diary of things that happen to me or what I get up to each day (or anything that the kids do that’s special, etc) and so in my diary at the top of the page on each Saturday, I have my weighed result there.  

Also not sure if this is something you might find useful, but taking a few ‘happy snaps’ of yourself NOW is always a good thing … and don’t do it like those sad sacks do when you see their before and after photos on the TV;  the photo on the left is looking like they’ve just lost $100 and found $5 (the before shot – with hair unkempt and daggy looking clothes, etc) and then pan to the right and see their ‘after photo’, they’ve got a beautiful outfit on, their hair and makeup done up and they’re sporting a fantastic smile!  Make the ‘before shots’ good photos … I mean, they’re photos of you after all and damnit all, YOU’RE number one … you’re important.  

 And I might add just here – and that’s no matter how any of us look.  When any of us look into our mirror, we’ve gotta say that we are the Number One person and the most important person in the world.  We have to acknowledge that and to be confident in our manner to know this.  

Yes, please take it carefully with this injury … don’t go doing anything too soon where your body might get angry with you for doing that – much better to rest and get things healed, than to go forward and do things when not fully right and then you just aggravate the injury to a worse extent than what it currently is and you’ll be recuperating much longer.  

That sounds so good that you and hubby are going to do this together … that is a massive thing because you will be able to support each other through this.  And there WILL be times when it gets hard and tough;   and hopefully you won’t experience these feelings at the same time;  so for instance if hubby is doing it tough, you can help him through and be strong for him.  And when you’re struggling, it can be hubby who comes to the fore and to help provide you with the motivation.   If you find that you’re both struggling at the same time – then come here and I’ll get you back on track!   🙂  🙂   🙂  

Kind regards  

Neil

[scorch]

Neil, I'm glad i've got you here to poke me with a stick and get me back on track when I lose motivation.  🙂

I didn't even think about when to weigh myself, I was just going to hop on the scales a couple of times a week.  I think having a regimented time will definitely help, I respond well to structure - so if I pretend each weigh in is like an 'appointment' - well, that'll definitely help 🙂

[scorch]

Neil, thought I'd give you an update.  I hope you're not sick of me yet.

Because I can't exercise right now I decided I had better make super sure I eat right, so last night I cooked for hours so I could have some healthy frozen dinners like you suggested.

I made 2 dishes, one was slow roasted kangaroo strips with potato, sweet potato, tomato, brussel sprouts and corn.  Covered in herbs from my garden... That made 5 meals - it would have made more, but I made some for my hubby too and I've had to make his meals a lot bigger than mine.

The other dish was rice with stir fry chicken.  It has mushrooms, broccoli, capsicum and corn with the chicken, and I squeezed a lemon and a lime over the top to give it some zing.  That made another 5 meals.

So yay!  I still need to find a set of kitchen scales... but I think my estimates were ok.  With all my cooking I forgot to actually eat tea - but when my hubby got home after training he made me scrambled eggs with some of the leftover ingredients while I sat on the couch with a glass of bubbly.  What a sweety 🙂

I'd had a really crappy day yesterday, one of my worst in a long time... so it was difficult for me to muster the motivation to do something positive, but I'm glad I did.  I ended the day feeling proud of my accomplishments rather than feeling down.  So, maybe cooking healthy meals can become another outlet for me.  I hope so.

-Scorch

[Neil_1]

Oh Scorch ... I was thinking the exact opposite ... that you'd be damn sick of me for all my rants about fitness, food and other related things.  🙂  🙂

Scorch - ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT.  🙂  🙂   I was salivating just reading what you'd described and mega kudos to you, but then I go on to read that you actually were in a crap place yesterday BUT still achieved the cooking.  You SOOOO deserved that meal being cooked for you and to relax with a glass of bubbly.  I hope you enjoyed it.

I think I've remarked on that before ... that you've also got to treat yourself along the way - and not even when you make a goal.  It's ok to have a cheat meal once in a while;  you know something you really enjoy, that might not be as good for you as cleaner, healthier foods - but you know something that tastes great and that you love.  Once in a while, just so that you're still enjoying things along the way as well.

Because once you get started with the exercise, etc ... that's when your metabolism will kick into gear a bit more as well and you'll be able to process your food etc as it should be used as a kind of fuelling system for your body.

I really enjoyed that post of yours and thanx heaps for sending the update.  I was going to finish off by saying "Stay focussed", but I really believe that you are anyway, and that is a brilliant thing.  I can't express how much more beneficial it is for you that your hubby is doing this as well.

ps:  I didn't suggest Kangaroo in my initial post with regard to food, as it's not everyone's favourite, which is fine, but I absolutely love it ... and it has to be one of the best sources of protein in the meat category while at the same time being one of the leanest cuts of meat going around as well.

Cheers

Neil

[scorch]

Neil, I will never be sick of reading your posts!  You've always got something funny, helpful or encouraging to say 🙂

I did enjoy my meal last night.  As he was cooking tea my hubby said how proud he is of how hard I'm trying, not just to get healthy but to do more around the house and do things that are outside my comfort zone.  It was really nice to hear him say that, I know that my depression and anxiety puts a lot of pressure on him - so the fact that he recognises my effort means a lot.  He's a lot happier now that I'm being more active.  It's making home life a lot easier, so yay! 

As for kangaroo.... I love it!  As long as it is cooked right.  We used to go hunting on my dad's farm and come home with plenty of roo meat, but it's been awhile since we were able to get out there.  I hope that I'll be able to visit my dad's farm again soon, that is the place where I feel most alive and free - out in the peace and quiet of the bush.  It's my happy place 🙂 

[Neil_1]

Dear Scorch

I actually wish I had you as a client when I was back in my Personal Trainer days, because you're one of those clients that you know will give it their all and work just as hard as you want them too because they believe in themselves and in also believing in meeting their goals.  I also think there's a few others on here who I would have loved to have trained as well (they just don't know it yet!!)  🙂  🙂

Hey, CB, does doing a smiley face count as words??

Your latest post again Scorch is brilliant and I really enjoyed reading your middle para.  You know if you were only going out with your hubby, I'd suggest that you marry him, cause he sounds a good one!  🙂

Yes, I grew up on my dad's farm and wow, that farm had so many special memories for me;  but alas, it's no longer with us as it was sold after my Dad passed away 😞   Anyway, it's great that you've still got your Dad's property to go too and I can totally understand that being a 'happy place' for you.

I don't know how many words this is, so I'd better stop now otherwise it might not pass the 500 quota!  🙂

Neil

[scorch]

Wow Neil, what a compliment!  Thank you, I hope I can live up to your words.  I have to admit, I went to my emergency services volunteer training last night  (I'm just going to call in Vol Training in posts  from now on because I feel stupid writing the whole thing and I don't want to mention the organisation lol) and even though all I could do was stand and watch, I came out of it really sore and sorry for myself.  So I stopped through drive through on the way home and got a takeaway meal - well, I totally regret it.  After a week of healthy eating, the greasy unhealthy food did not sit well in my stomach at all.  I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon!  tummy still isn't feeling great today 😞

And my hubby?  You're right, he's awesome.  We have our occasional arguments, but always work it out.  We've been together for about 9 years and married almost 6.  I'm pretty lucky to have him 🙂

It's a shame that your Dad's property got sold off after his passing.  I can imagine that would be really hard, I know I wouldn't do well if it happens when my dad passes.  *hug*

I don't know why the farm is my happy place.  I suffered a lot there as a child.  Our family suspects that dad has Narcissistic Personality Disorder or something similar - he exhibits all the signs and symptoms... but it is impossible to know for sure because he has never been diagnosed.  Any doc who sees him only sees what dad wants him see - not the truth.  So growing up on the farm was actually pretty hellish.  We lived in constant fear and misery, mum and us kids were tools to be manipulated and used to further dad's 'standing' and 'power'... and if we 'failed' him in some way (which was frequently something as simple as 'not smiling wide enough') ... well, it never turned out well for any of us.  So I really don't know why I love the farm so much, seeing as it was a place where so much pain was caused.

Maybe I can love the farm because Dad sold off the house where I grew up when he and mum got divorced.  (Best day of my life)  But he kept the land.  The land was always my escape.  I would go for a long walk up and down the hills, climbing over logs and through gullies.  I would escape by wandering down to the creek and watching the animals come to drink.  Nature was my escape, and I guess that has stayed with me.

Good news though, when I was a teen I finally stood up to my dad and his emotional and physical manipulation crap.  I said it wouldn't work on me anymore and if he tried it again I'd never see him again.  We are now reasonably close, because he doesn't have the power over me anymore.  I can love him despite his flaws, because he's still my Dad and he isn't well.  I think I'm the only one of his kids who knows how to deal with him, and who has moved on from what he did to us enough to still have anything to do with him.  The others all live far away and only see him once or twice a year if that.  (My brother sees him once every 2 years or so)

So wow, that post diverged into a totally different direction from where it started... I am so sorry!  All that just came pouring out.

Sorry Neil, probably not what you were expecting!  lol.

[Neil_1]

Hi Scorch

That was great to unload with that post.  Sometimes things just need to be written out … kind of, you know to get it off your chest.  It sure didn’t sound the like the best growing up experience for all you children … bloody horrible in fact.  It’s funny … at the back of Dad’s farm there were some hills (not our property) and I used to often take off up into the hills with Dad’s rifle so I could shoot the occasional rabbit.  But mostly it was just pretty cool to be wandering around over rocks, past trees etc, and to be carrying a gun.  I’d pretend I was some bushranger from years gone by and have some little escape moments away from my own self. 

Weird really because I was very fortunate in growing up in a really loving family environment. But yep up amongst those hills, there was a creek flowing and at one place there was even a bit of a waterfall, so after a good bout of rain it was brilliant to be up there all by yourself and just be with nature.

 It’s so unfortunate now on two counts (a) the farm ain’t ours anymore and (b) up amongst those hills now there’s houses … people have built homes up in amongst it all.  Times change I guess.

Wow, we’ve really drifted off track hey … and you know I wasn’t surprised to hear when you had that take-away meal that your stomach didn’t really think it was such a good idea … because once you start on the healthy eating regime, the stomach enjoys that and if you introduce something a bit greasy or fatty, it’ll go ‘yuk’, what are you doing to me?

One more slight divergence:   I reckon during one week’s sleeping pattern, I would have something like 8-10 dreams where the farm is involved and I’m somewhere on the farm or in the near vicinity of it.  I say 8-10 cause I think I have sometimes up to 5 or more different dreams during a night. 

Hmmmm, possibly a topic for a new thread!

Cheers

Neil

ps:  also let me know when you'll be able to start doing stuff on your exercise machines?