Need something in the medium term to look forward

[_the_mandalorian_]

Tis hard to explain bit let me give it a shot. I have my life more or less in order:

• I have a good, high paying job
• I'll be able to pay off my mortgage within 7 years (FYI I'm not that old)
• I am slightly above average in terms of fitness
• I have hobbies like reading, reformer pilates (I'm becoming an instructor), watching some live sports
• I do a lot of self care like meditation
• I have a few friends that I see regularly
• Pre covid I did a reasonable amount of travel, even got a job overseas
• I don't have a girlfriend/wife and/or family. But my siblings and my parents live nearby
• It was a LOT of effort (and lots of reading) but I can manage anxiety/life reasonably well
• My life is pretty stable.

I have had (IMHO) bad experiences in the past with relationships where it wasn't really even. People see me and they think I am extremely fortunate. Because of that I get ignored a lot. Or even worse they think they can throw their problems at me (this is an extreme simplification BTW I could probably write a book on these experiences).

Even now I have really cut myself back to only messaging 2 of my friends and my mum and sister. Everyone else had just moved on with their life. No falling out or anything they just have other priorities.

%90 of the time I am by myself just doing things by myself. And most of the time it is ok. I chose it, I own it. I'm in a process of changing how I look at the world.

Everything is just flat. The normal things that lots of people feel good about I feel nothing. It is fine, amor fate (love of ones fate). What I really is something to work towards but I have no idea what that is? I mean paying off my mortgage in my early 40s is good I guess but what else. Post covid I'll probably take myself on a big vacation in Europe (by myself of course). Career wise the only place up the ladder is to get into leadership/management which doesn't interest me.

I just need something to get excited about that I can do myself.

[Summer Rose]

Hi

Thank you for sharing your story. It sounds to me like you need more of a purpose in life.

Not knowing your likes and dislikes and not understanding what motivates you makes it tricky but I’ll have a shot ...

You could:

• Take up volunteer work for a cause you believe in. From personal experience I can tell you that it is very rewarding to help other people.
• Better yet, you could start a not for profit charity to make a change in the world.

• Set yourself a tough physical challenge and then work towards your goal. Maybe start indoor rock climbing and get yourself to Mt Everest one day. Or learn to sail and work up to an around the world trip.

• Learn a new language to prepare for your trip to Europe.

• Buy a property, renovate and flip it.

• Study the stock market and try your hand at investing

• Start an online business.

• Learn how to restore a vintage car.
• Write a book.
• Take a night course at uni.
• Buy a telescope and study the universe.

I don’t know if any of this is of any use to you but happy to keep brainstorming.

Kind thoughts to you

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi _the_mandalorian_,

Thank you for reaching out to the forums. I was thinking about your post last night and what I could say to help - I do agree with your friends that your situation is fortunate. I'm sure it may not seem that way at times but your circumstances are privileged, even though it seems like a catch when you're being ignored and dismissed.

There is a question that is used sometimes in a type of therapy, called the miracle question -the general phrasing is like this: if you could wake up tomorrow and a miracle has happened, and all of a sudden all of your problems had gone away,- but nobody had told you the miracle has happened, how might you know? So for you, say you were to wake up one morning and things wouldn't feel flat- you'd feel excited, interested.. What might that look like for you?

I really like this question because the idea is that everything is a blank canvas- rather than thinking about your current job and going up the ladder, it encourages you to think of anything and everything; because at the end of the day it's about how you feel and how you want to feel.

I hope this helps and gives you something to think about.

rt