My Story

[beyondblue_member]

This… this is my story…

My name is Nathan and I suffer from depression. It all started when I was a kid. Growing up with two loving parents, albeit a severe lack of money, wasn’t that bad. So home life was alright. School on the other hand wasn’t.  Being born fourteen week premature meant that I was always a lot smaller than the other kids, which of course meant that I was at the mercy of the other kids in the schoolyard. They used to pick on me constantly, all the time. They called me tiny, midget, and pushed me around, stole my stuff and generally made school a living hell for me. At the age of eight, I was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD, which meant further insult. When I got to high school I noticed that apart from being smaller than the others, I was more different still. I decided to instead of being ashamed of my differences, to embrace them. I started wearing a lot of black, listening to heavy metal, and rejected all authority. That, of course meant that I received even more punishment from my fellow students. By the time I was fourteen it was unbearable. I started smoking as I thought it would help me cope. I started doing anything I could to get out of going to school, and when I had to go I would ditch. Due to the influence of a few “friends”, I began to steal stuff from shops, just for a bit of thrill. This was how my life went for two years. I started to get depressed because of a few failed relationships and despite always being a straight A student, my grades suffered, and I mean really suffered. I was diagnosed with bipolar and put on medication. The depression just got worse, I even considered suicide. Many times. I ended up leaving school when I turned seventeen, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I started Tafe, doing a business course. It was and still is, boring, but I still get my Centrelink benefits. At this point my depression hit its worse. I’m still going through my darkest times. I never bothered with self-harm; I didn’t see how physical pain could help me cope with emotional pain. But I know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. So I keep plodding on, even through all this pain. And it’s not just me. There’s a tonne of kids out there suffering from depression. They get up every morning and simply don’t want to do anything. They don’t want to go out and have fun like other kids their age. And it’s not just kids either. It’s adults as well. To them, us, life is a constant struggle. But here’s a shout out to those who suffer from depression. Although it may seem that you’re stuck in a deep dark hole, trapped in a constant darkness, a pitch black night, with no moon or stars to light your way, remember, no matter how long the night is, the sun will always rise to the dawn of a new day. I know that you can’t simply “get over it”, or “deal with it”. I know that beating depression is a long, hard constant battle. I haven’t beaten it yet, but I know others who have. It IS possible. You won’t have to fight for the rest of your life. There WILL always be people who WILL stand by you and never give up. There WILL always be people who WILL believe in you. Who WILL help you through this. Who WILL drag you out of the abyss on depression. I believe in you, so maybe it’s time to start believing in yourself.

[Chris_B]

Thanks for sharing your story Nathan, and welcome to the forums. Hope you'll stick around to share your strengths with others passing through, there are a lot of folks who haven't found their way out of the hole yet.

best
CB

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Online Community Manager