Lack of Friends - starting to get to me

[CaptainCab]

I spend a lot of time on my own at home and if I wanted to I could message any of my friends to organise to see them. However, none of my friends ever message me to initiate to see me, there are no invites to New Years Eve or ask what I am doing on a particular day/night. It's starting to get to me now, I am in my 40's and I suspect I may have autism, it's hard to make and maintain friendships and I feel so desperate if I initiate seeing any of my friends.

I just feel so lonely and lost, there is so much emphasis on how friends can make your life so much happier. The friends that I do see (when I make the effort) are difficult to talk to. I am always there to listen to their problems and when I try to talk about mine they can't even look me in the eye and actively listen.

Feeling kinda crappy!

[Mishmo]

Oh I can relate oh too well to this ... its so frustrating ... I am always the initiator or the one that they thought they invited but didn't (well feels that way in my over thinking)

Have def got to the stage where I have closed off from many of them in ways I use to. They too always turn to me for support/to vent to... but never available when I need them.

TRUE friends are so hard to find now days let alone keep around.

I do feel we sometimes we see in them things we desire and "think they should be like this, cause I am for them?" and its not even who they are or what they are even capable of?? If that makes any sense... I dunno. My rambling over thinking mind.

But Cap'Cab, I totally understand the feelings, sadly. I hope we both can find and establish a decent friendship... worthy of our time and energy.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi CaptainCab

I don't know if it's any consolation to you to say "me too", but if it is, I would like to have more meaningful friendships too. There is certainly a discomfort in always having to be the initiator, and to not feel valued in the same way you value others. In saying that, I hope you continue to make the effort, because the alternative would most likely leave you feeling more alone. Perhaps in continuing to socialise you will meet people that you connect with better than those currently.

You've mentioned you may be on the autism spectrum? Do you think that's something you might explore a bit more? I have a young nephew who has autism and I'm learning that he experiences the world quite differently. He's pretty amazing.

I wish you the best finding meaningful connections. It's certainly not easy for many of us, for a variety of reasons. You're always welcome to chat more here 🙂

Katy