Some call it burnout. Others call it breakdown. Whether its depression or any other mental illness they can have a residual effect even if you feel in recovery.
I've previously expressed my feeling when "overloaded". As if my mind in an unstressed form is a bucket nearly full. When stress or worry arrives it quickly overflows. Then comes the sadness and the intolerance, moods and inability to do anything except enter my comfort zone....my shed.
Whereas, a person free of mental issues has an empty bucket and it only fills half way when stress arrives then quickly empties. Rarely does their bucket overflow. Perhaps with trauma.
I have a lifelong school friend. He never got emotional until his father died. For the first time I saw him weep. A few days later I was asking him if he'd recovered. He had and he'd realised how his emotional friend had lived his life in an emotional mess. " now I know what you've endured" he said.
Back to stress. As explained recently by a bb member, 30 minutes on the phone to a telco or bank can be testing for us. If spent after that, withdraw until the next day from intolerant situations, pace yourself and be disciplined. For you will think along the lines of how you have been in your earlier life...capable and active...well sorry....it isn't like that anymore...adapt, accept...you are damaged goods now.
" Damaged goods" a terrible term. A back injury is not any different. If you've had one, how difficult is it to stop bending over to pick something up? " ouch, I shouldn't have done that"...
Know your mental limits. Write them down. Read them in the morning. Share them with your carer. What about friends?
I don't share them with friends. However say we gave a BBQ and the topic surrounding animal cruelty or family suffering or similar topic that can lead to a panic attack or upset....in a large group I'll give excuse to leave and return 20 minutes later. In a small gathering I'll ask to change the subject. Recently my good neighbour was talking about his dog and details of his passing. " that's sad Col, anyway how's that car restoration going"...
This self awareness has been developing for 20 years. I think I'm getting there.
Know your limitations. Etch them in your mind. Beware the overflowing bucket. Then you'll have less upset, your carer will be happier and you'll settle down to pace yourself....and that call to the council about your rates? One stressful call a day...it can wait till tomorrow.
Tony WK
