The topic of inlaws comes up regularly here. In most such posts it refers to the poster being the new addition to the family by marriage.
Common problems arise including you are not good enough to marry their daughter or son. Jealousy that you are taking attention off a sibling of your partner or, in some cases pure prevention of a warm welcome.
But these problems are often compounded by our own expectations. As a partner to a person we automatically assume that our partners happiness in finding you as a mate would download to his/hers family being content - not so.
In 1984 I met my first wife. She was the youngest of 5 children. 3 of her siblings were engaged to be married. My fiance and I decided on a wedding date and this upset her oldest brother and his fiance, their justification was that he was the eldest, so he should marry first which was ludicrous. The more likely reason was he was the first born and his parents favourite child and for the first time, the limelight was taken away. His fiance embarked on a demonising campaign that forever harmed the siblings relationships
My actions following that was to drift away. I still encouraged my wife to attend family get togethers but I rarely attended. I reminded her that I married her, not her family.
How far do our obligations extend? Well I'm of the view that you can remain civil but elusive, you can be evasive but dont ignore. If effort to get to know you isnt returned you are powerless to remedy that unless you keep trying and keep getting disappointed.
What do you think?
TonyWK
