Humility and "the good samaritan"

[white knight]

As a boy, for whatever reason, I used to boast about my exploits. Once I joined the RAAF at 17yo, being the youngest of my squadron, I was out of favour with older men...as they saw my boasting as immature.

So, eventually I got the idea that doing something for no award whatsoever is a great example of humility.

I'm not religious, my old mate is and we sat down a few years ago to watch a movie about a SAINT of humility ST Gemma Galgany. His humility was unhuman like, totally amazing. How can we harness this great human ability of humility.

I suppose I first really adopted some humility once I'd left my ex wife and had my kids with me every second weekend and on holidays. Although paying huge child support, my kids needs and wants came first (as we all do). If they needed more clothing and the child support should pay for it...I purchased it anyway. It simply wasn't worth the arguments. My mentality was that I didn't care how financially well off my ex was. (I should point out that even working 3 jobs she was financially better off on a pension and child support).

So, humility in my opinion can grow as we get older. We can improve ourselves as people as we grow older.

How about xmas? There are countless people serving the homeless, no benefits except their smiling faces or grim faces that underneath the matted hair and the overcoats- appreciate.

This is what is amazing here on this forum. Strangers helping strangers. We've had members come here to talk about their worries then over time spread themselves to helping others that join up. We rarely know if we help people, little feedback....it doesn't matter. That's what passionate humans do- leave a legacy of compassion...love and understanding.

To all those champions out there in cyber world thankyou for being here. You are amazing. for any member out there that answers another members post, even just once, to help out, thankyou for doing so. For the moderators and management that battle all year to make this a better place for new members, thankyou.

(I'm not religious)

The parable of the Good Samaritan is a parable told by Jesus in Luke 10:25–37. It is about a traveler who is stripped of clothing, beaten, and left half dead alongside the road. First a priest and then a Levite comes by, but both avoid the man. Finally, a Samaritan happens upon the traveler and arranges for rent for the traveler in an inn for the night, food and water. The traveler never knew the identity of the "good Samaritan".

Tony WK

[white knight]

Hi all,

Wow, some really good education I've received here. I really like the balance of ego and humility especially to possess a healthy "reasonable " ego in order to act humble.

One of the most humble and considerate people ever was Nelson Mandela yet I've never detected any ego. Knowledge, pride, consideration, forgiveness yes. Then again ego could be invisible in such people.

A fine discussion.

TonyWK 

[Eagle Ray]

Yes, that’s true of Nelson Mandela. For some pride might be regarded as a healthy form of ego, depending on the definition of ego (when combined with humility). And then there’s pride without humility, which I suppose could be narcissism (unhealthy, rampant ego). Though often under the external presentation of pride the narcissist is often very insecure, so it’s not a deep, genuine, grounded pride like Nelson Mandela.

All these complicated words of the English language!

 I sense that:

a) being kind to self and others, and

b) staying grounded 

…are probably key fundamentals of being a good human.

 I think I understand what you are saying mmMeKitty, that sometimes we will hold different values to others, so there might be some views we cannot accept. And then it’s an acceptance we may not be able to reconcile our perspectives with those of others. We just have to live our best life based on our own values. Sometimes that means letting go of some relationships too, which is better than being ultra-accommodating to someone else’s views. We need to follow in our hearts what we feel is right, healthy and leads to a balanced, peaceful existence.

[white knight]

Yes, ER, Re: "We just have to live our best life based on our own values. Sometimes that means letting go of some relationships too, which is better than being ultra-accommodating to someone else’s views."  I recall singer Missy Higgins quote "I see relationships as fluid". She was responding to her then gay relationship and later married a guy and had children. I think that "fluid" description is  a good approach because it allows you to let go of toxic people regardless of being blood or not.  At 53yo my younger sister and I I finally let go of our mother due to her narcissistic triangulation of us, it was a relief to finally make that decision, then for 13 years my sister and I had a sound relationship for the first time in our lives. Sadly last xmas my sister adopted the same triangulation tactics on me, a learned experience from her teenage years, I had to let her go. Those she influenced, her two adult daughters, I'd lose also as their mother demonised me etc. Sad but if you have the view that you strive for a relaxed, long and fruitful life then you must make the hard decisions and limit the inclusion in your life with lovely quality people.

With some people it matters naught that you have a big heart or you're a good Samaritan, you'll be criticised so they can elevate themselves. 

TonyWK

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Tony

I really feel for you in terms of those relationships as we naturally want to be close with family. But sometimes, as you say, it becomes necessary to go separate ways. Sometimes the legacy of the past still infiltrates the present with certain family members and they may simply stay in that position. If you have moved on from prior family dynamics and others haven’t, there’s often not anything you can do but preserve your own values and well being and go towards what is healing for you - healthy relationships with people on the same page.

 I’m having a struggle with a relative at the moment too. I’m going down a particular healing path and it seems to challenge the way she’s always done things and led her to be quite hostile towards me. I’ve had kindness in my heart towards her, so it was initially a shock, but I realised I’m growing in ways she is scared to grow and she’d prefer I didn’t change as it makes her feel insecure. Sometimes as we grow, certain relationships fall away, and I’m learning that that’s ok.

 I like the “fluid” description for relationships. We can have a really meaningful relationship with someone for a period of time, then one or both people grow in a different direction. But as we let go of certain relationships space opens up for new connections and experiences. Life is a most interesting flux of events. In fact, someone once told me of an elderly lady whose last words were, “Well, it’s all been most interesting.” I feel like that’s a good reflection on life.

[white knight]

Hi ER,

I actually feel most fortunate to having transformed from a fretting individual at a younger age whereby I'd grieve as if my friend/relative had passed away to now when I accept that this is indeed part of life.

In my nieces case I've loved them almost like my own kids as their father was one that paid not child support nor took an interest in their lives. In fact one niece cried saying "you're as close to a father that I've had". Sadly they are "flying monkeys" manipulated individuals by a narcissist (my sister) so they are unaware of the gravity of the situation. Hence I've decided to keep a faint line of communication open so one day they might themselves be the victim and see some light.

I've developed a security boundary now that includes what I deem as unsatisfactory unforgivable behaviour. Once crossed then it is usually the end of the relationship. This self preserving strategy took some time to adopt because guilt developed, or rather the perpetrator behaved in a manner that caused my guilt. 

I'd recommend such boundaries to anyone that tries too hard to patch up relationships that are toxic. The "good samaritan " can go about our work on those that appreciate it but self protection is a major move forward in my opinion.

TonyWK