How to stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism

[Frannie]

I really want to reduce my wine consumption but I have so much stress and when I look back its been for years - a traumatic divorce in the 90's probably started it.  Then I got embroiled in a development situation which meant I couldn't sell my house and my partner of 19 years took exception to it and had an affair.  I kicked him out (that was 2020).  Since then I've had a shoulder replacement, two hip replacements, I've had to euthanase 3 pets, I've had lawyers in to sell my house under hardship.  And now I'm finally moving so its a whole other set of stressors - its a move to another town 5 hours away. I have plants to move - like hundreds!  I have no family, I'm trying to do all this by myself.  Its not an ordinary house move as I'm on acreage.  And I'm usually really fit, I run (not allowed to on roads any more) and lift weights but its not the best right now.  So its just all too much really and I can't commit to extra time commitments because I simply dont have the time.

[Croix]

Dear Frannie~

Welcome here, a place where I'm sure you would find others that cope using alcohol. The best information I know of is here

https://www.health.gov.au/topics/alcohol/about-alcohol/how-can-you-reduce-or-quit-alcohol

It helps if you have someone to support you, though this applies to the whole move as well - do you have anyone like that ? Even someone to phone when you felt the need to  drink would be a help..

Despite having those replacements you sound remarkably fit and I'd be surprised if you prioritize tihngs that the move would be beyond you.

While you may have visions of all your plants going with you it may in fact be simpler to take seeds, saplings, cuttings and bulbs and have the pleasure to seeing them grow.

A new town may be an opportunity. I live in a small country town and for many there is a community there, and that can be a real asset when it comes ot socialization, even having purpose helping out.

I'm sure you'll manage OK, plus you know you are always welcome here.

Croix

[Frannie]

Thanks for taking the time to reply.  I have lots of friends but they are all over the place!  In country, in age, work or not work, and most are not reliable phone people - I'm not either I don't carry my phone with me I'd just lose it on the block!  Also I have a bad habit of drinking while talking on the phone.  I already volunteer but that will change when I move though I will try to keep linkages with them and come up to Perth regularly.  I have another organisation down where I'm going that I will do stuff for, plus I have other ideas.

I'd like to think I'll take new, good habits with me when I move (end October) and leave the bad ones behind.  I hate cities and the sense of community is important as you say.

Meanwhile I had lunch and an arvo at a friends place yesterday and though we shared a bottle I didn't keep going when i got home which was good.

[Croix]

Dear Frannie~

I expect you are rather please, after all stopping drinking when you left your friend was a pretty significant step.

I'm sorry you lost your phone, is htere any chance of getting/borrowing another - even a cheap one?  The reason I ask is so that when times come along you think of having a drink to cope you can ring a particular friend and maybe then you will talk and not drink. Does not work wiht all friends of course, but maybe one.

Some specialist organizations such as AA (there are secular equivalents if one prefers) help out there wiht a buddy system. It can help make coping verbal rather than drinking

Actually  before anything else do you mind if I suggest you see your doctor who may be able to assist

One of the hard things I found with a habit was I believed it was a part of me, that was just the way I was, and stopping would be just about impossible as a result and would in any case get rid of part of me.

I found i was quite wrong, it was just the habit making me think that way. Now I'm able to cope in other better ways -though I did not get there alone.

If you would like to say how you get on (including the move) that would be welcome

Croix

[Frannie]

Thanks Croix!  I did not lose my phone - what I was saying is that given i live on acreage losing it is highly likely when working around my block - that is why I don't carry it with me!  It would drop out somewhere or get watered and that would be the end of it!

I have a good doctor.  Havent seen her for a while.  I'm honest with her and she knows how much I have, and still are, going through. She would only prescribe me medication and that only comes with a promise of abstinence which is not what I'm after.  I'm really hoping once I move (end October) I can start a new chapter. I will be back in control of my life for the first time in about 20 years!  I had a really bad day yesterday with my removals quote coming in at double what I thought and a few other things.  Today I was out volunteering at the nursery so a much better day.  Maybe I am being premature at trying to do something whilst in the throes of all this moving and upheaval, maybe its unrealistic while I'm under so much time and financial pressure, to try and do this too.  I don't know. I'd really like to do some collecting trips for the nursery but I don't know if thats unrealistic as well.  But there's only one spring a year and I don't want to miss a whole year.

[Croix]

Dear Frannie~

Yes you do have a lot on your plate at the moment and that quote for the move would not have helped at all. Good you did not lose your phone, and if you keep it in the house that's probably the same place as the alcohol -at least in part.

I hope you find the volunteering enjoyable, I do for sure. Will you have a similar chance at your destination - whne do you think you will go BTW?

Having an understanding doctor is a huge thing, and if her judgment is specific medication and promise of abstinence it is probably the most practical thing. As you say, maybe after the move.

Is it a case of arriving at the new place ready for spring planting? Daffodils are not far away where I am.  Being in control of your life can seem a little unnerving at times, however I'm sure you are equal to it.

I hope you feel like letting us know how things are going

Croix

[Frannie]

Thanks.  Yes I have friends and plenty to do where I am going!