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How to feel 'connected' without reaching out?
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Hey everyone,
We know that a sense of connection is important for our wellbeing, but sometimes there are times when actively reaching out to a friend, family member, partner, etc. to meet that need for connection isn’t possible/realistic, for whatever reason. So I was wondering if there’s anything else you find is helpful to foster a sense of ‘connection’?
I tend to:
- engage with familiar content (TV shows, movies, music, etc.)
- watch YouTube channels I like where the creators seem to care about their viewers and engage with them like they’re a friend
- participate in discussions on the forums, or connect with other users on social media like Tumblr
- use Instagram stories to post things that my friends can respond to (e.g. polls, asking for suggestions, etc.)
I would be really interested to hear your thoughts on this!
- WJ
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Hey Willow, it's my pleasure dear! I love our interacting with you too, so thank you too!! lol.
I love that you're starting treatment soon, wishing you all the very best with this.
Ahhh the good ole BPD hey? My eldest d, I call Alexa here but it's nowhere near her IRL name, is doing her Psych Honours atm and has been able to put things in perspective for all of us in the family who are in relationships with AWESOME people who are dealing with alphabet soup diagnoses like us lol. Notwithstanding the recent events in Oz and the world, we're seeing rising MH issues in our circles on top.
Remembering that one practice that assists us all is SELF-CARE, which we know can be on any level, including nurturing our relationships. Our number 1 relationship has to be with ourselves.
Accepting that WE are whomever we are is a really kind thing to meditate on.
The "I'm okay, you're okay" attitude and I'll add just the way you are because we're all gorgeously "imperfect", it's an inescapable fact! lol.
I haven't got Brene's book "The Gifts of Imperfection" but I've always been fine with this.
Another lovely set of books and I had a cassette tape of these (lol!) was "The Celestine Prophecy".. sounds more ominous and out there than it all is tbh. I found the research in these fascinating. Also bringing our attention to the energy flow in interactions with different people. Some times there's a power struggle but only if both ppl are struggling for this "power" - which I see more at work lol.
Synergy is the pinnacle of course.
Between the former and the latter "levels" there can be so many interactions that have intentional listening, validation, mirroring, even empathic listening? etc. I call this "holding space" ie not predicting an outcome or being competitive for air time.
It's all a wonderful, swirly, colourful mix of experiences with our people.
How are you doing today?
Love EMxxxx
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Hi Willow Jude
I really appreciate this thread. There have been many times in my life where I have been unable to reach out to people. Sometimes because I’m so low I can’t even sort out how I feel to have a conversation, sometimes because I have had nothing positive to say and didn’t want to be a burden and sometimes because that’s just me—I’d just prefer to be alone.
I found a way to stay connected by accident. I was caring for my child who was experiencing a serious chronic and disabling mental health condition and the only time I got a break was when she was asleep. I’d make a cup of tea and head outside to watch the night sky.
In my belief system, the people I’ve loved and lost are in the heavens, so I felt this amazing connection with all of them. It was also a connection with our universe and an awe inspiring reminder that we are all connected and part of something much bigger than our lives on planet Earth.
Kind thoughts to you
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Hi randomx,
I appreciate your insights into our need for connection and what might be getting in the way of us meeting that need in current times. I’m glad to hear that you have some relationships that help bring you a sense of connection, but I understand that there can also be a want for more interactions/relationships to support your social wellbeing.
It’s good that you find things like nature, pets, TV, and reading useful in some way, even if what they bring to our lives and wellbeing doesn’t necessarily compare to having meaningful connections with others.
Thanks for your response!
- WJ
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Thanks ecomama!
You bring up some important points about self-care, self-acceptance, and the types of things we can be mindful of in our interactions with others. I reckon they’ll be useful for me to think about on my journey to better managing my mental health and supporting my mental wellbeing.
I’m doing reasonably well today - I’ve managed to avoid the feelings of emptiness/loneliness that tend to creep in sometimes, so that has been a nice change! I’m a little disappointed about having to miss some opportunities to connect with others this week due to me being sick, but I know I’ve got some more opportunities coming up soon, so I am trying to stay positive 🙂
Hope you are doing well too!
- WJ
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Hi Summer Rose,
Thanks for your response, and I’m glad to hear you’re finding the thread useful! I can definitely relate to the barriers to connecting with others that you’ve mentioned, and I understand how tough it can be to find yourself in those situations.
Your story about feeling connection with/through the night sky is beautiful! It’s lovely that you came across this method of supporting your wellbeing, though I’m sorry to hear that it was born from some challenging experiences. I hope things are okay with you and your loved ones x
I do find myself enjoying stargazing, though I never would have thought of engaging in it through the lens of connection, so I will definitely have to give it a go in the future.
- WJ
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This is a great idea for a thread topic Willow Jude. Earlier this year I moved to a new town by myself. I was in a pretty bad way following a traumatising, highly stressful period in my life. I simply couldn’t reach out as I was locked down by trauma and complicated, unprocessed grief. Phone conversations with several caring relatives helped and the occasional interactions with neighbours and townspeople. But I was also debilitated with health issues so I was so limited and not functioning well.
What did I do? I went into nature. It has always been my safe place since childhood. Humans have not always been safe but nature has been like a caring, safe person for me, as weird as that may sound. I don’t mind storms, getting rained on or even meeting snakes on bush walks which I’m very used to now. They are just creatures going about their day trying to survive like me. Everything I see from wrens to birds of prey to wildflowers and sea creatures is a beautiful reminder of life and I can honestly say this is what has held me together.
Now as I’m starting to emerge out of past grief and trauma I’m beginning to feel more able to re-enter the social world. I’m engaging more easily with people and I can feel how important that human contact is. But it was necessary for a time to go to my safe nature places as my main source of connection until I was able to reach beyond that. So your thread resonates with me.
I’ve used familiar TV shows too. It’s like hearing the voices of familiar others is re-assuring. Podcasts on topics of interest has been really helpful too. These things have been stepping stones in my recovery process and will continue to be, even as I increasingly re-engage with the wider world of actual human contact.
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Hi Willow Jude
Thank you for your very kind words in response to my post.
My child grew up with MH issues but came through—graduated high school, went on to university, fell in love a few times (!), traveled to Europe—and was starting to find her place in the world. Then Covid came along. The harsh lockdowns we endured in our state set her back. Way back.
Not an unfamiliar story. So, our family has regrouped and battles on. Like many things in life, losing ground and then finding good health is a cycle. As hard as it is for her she never gives up and neither do I.
You take care, lovely.
Kind thoughts to you
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Yeah nature is just an incredible thing , lt's our gift from the Gods. Just like love or affection or the sky oceans animals bush, sun, it's all free . Natures not materialistic like humans , it just says to us here l am , all free , so easy, all you have to do is step outside and enjoy me, look after me . lt just mind boggling the complete just out of touch , disrespect and just total lack of understanding and connection our pollies , most of them, have for nature and of it's simple importance to the crazy world and lifestyle they think they're creating for us- yet they treat one of the most important things for us - the way they do.
Even from a unit in the middle of a city if you can't get out , just watch birds on power lines or a tree , and how the act with ea other , they're smarter than us. Or lap up sun through your window or park if you can, any small thing.
lt is weird with age, time, on a friends front and people we know.lt all becomes more distant , you'd think old friendships, family, would be treasured and grow even more. But everyone's busy with lives , kids, family , jobs, bills. lt's understandable all that's a full time life right there. lt is hard to keep in touch you don't wanna be the one doing it all as you feel them fading into their lives, don't even feel like it yourself a lot of the time. l pace it with the few l am in touch with, hear from them, find the comfort timing,
As we get older you feel more and more though there's not much else you can do especially if your living alone but just go on with the other things in life that give you some kind of contentment or if possible at least some kind of connection.
l suppose in most areas there's real things , clubs you can join if something interests you. For awhile back when when l was on the beach l started walking wondering every night after the day. You start to get familiar with others and little chats start happening and stuff, it became pretty cool really. Parks or walk in your area same things really.
life eh.
rx
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Hey Willow! It's so wonderful to see you engaging here, it's so awesome others are enjoying the conversations too!
I'm going GREAT! Thanks for asking.
I hope you're recovering from being unwell last week.
I can literally see you blossoming here, so watch out world! lol.
You really deserve all the kindness possible. This includes kind self-talk!
I like the analogy of treating ourselves as our best friend would.
LOVE the fact you're having treatment soon, look at how BRAVE you are! YAY!
Combining both of those ideas above, I find "It's Not the Critic that Counts" speech by Teddy Roosevelt reminds me to JUMP IN and be brave with my life.
It's fun! Sure we fail! Failure is guaranteed for brave people.
Then we can look around and see all the other brave people who've fallen too.
Dust ourselves off and GO AGAIN.
I'm happy you have some nice things to look forward to this week.
Have FUN!
Love EMxxxx
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Thanks Eagle Ray!
I am sorry to hear that you went through some challenging experiences this year, but glad that things are feeling more manageable now.
I love your insight into the sense of safety you find in nature, and all the interesting things you encounter! Also I appreciate that you can relate to using familiar TV shows, and podcasts are a great idea that I hadn’t thought of. Thank you for sharing!
- WJ