Helpful strategies for anger

[Guest_2350]

Hello All,

I am realising lately that I have battled angry phases most of my life and I would be really grateful if you shared your helpful and positive strategies to deal with anger. 

Running and physical exercise is something I have used before and it helps. Unfortunately I cannot exercise as I used to - and I struggle with motivation to do easier exercises. Stomping instead of walking helps only to a certain degree. 

Meditation is difficult when I am angry as my mind just races and does not want to calm down. Any ideas how I can get my mind to slow down so I can meditate? I would love to be able to step away from my angry thoughts. 

I am able to control my anger in front of other people, but I think that only adds to my isolation and feeling frustrated and misunderstood. 

I don't think I ever realised what an angry person I am. I am not even sure if that is the right word. There are so many emotions that come up, but lately I have "lovingly" named this recurring mood "angry bird days" in an attempt to make them a little bit lighter. I cycle between angry bird, sad face, numb numb and present. At least I now know these cycles come to an end, whether it is an hour, a day or a week...

 I do have meds to take when I struggle and I do have a psych but I would really like to know what else might have helped other people.

 Thank you, take care, Yggy

[Quercus]

Thanks Mrs D,

I love the idea of the sleeping logs game (will be trying that tomorrow!).

There are heaps of good suggestions on here I just find it hard to put them in practice while being screamed at or hit or climbed all over.

Swallowing my pride and begging my father in law to take the kids away from me for a bit has worked a treat. I'm sitting on the couch drinking tea. First time all day I haven't been angry.

I think I need a new job. I can't handle dealing with my kids noise all day knowing I'm going to work tonight which will be a chaotic crowd of noisy angry and frustrated people. Hmmm. Yep change of career time.

Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it.

[Elizabeth CP]

There have been a lot of good suggestions in this thread particularly for dealing with anger in the midst of it. I think it is important to distinguish between strategies for coping when in the midst of feeling angry & those to cope long term. When really feeling angry & upset I need to escape quickly before losing control. For example I remember dumping my screaming baby in his cot & walking outside away from the screams because I knew if I remained near him any longer I was likely to do something I would regret. Similarly after a long period of stress & sleepless nights due to my youngest child keeping me up every night with her screaming despite every effort to calm her I gave her to my husband as he walked in the door from work telling him I was not going to touch her for the next 5 days while he was home from work. She was 12 months old & I ended up sick with mastitis from stopping breastfeeding so suddenly but it was worth it. I had been scared i would hurt her & never be able to forgive myself. The break allowed me to recover & the baby to get into a better routine. She is now a lovely adult & we have a great relationship.

It is also important to look at more long term strategies to reduce the frequency & severity of anger. For example trying to change the way you look at things can help. My oldest son was very stubborn & difficult when young but I constantly reminded myself that the stubbornness would be good when he was a teenager as he would not bow to peer pressure. The self talk didn't change his behaviour but helped me see it more positively which made it less stressful. My predictions came true as he was the one who others looked up to.

I find that when very tired or stressed I can lose my temper easily. I found when I started to get upset my husband would react negatively causing things to escalate. I eventually got help from my psychologist who helped me discuss the situation with my husband so I was able to give him warning when I'm getting upset so he knows to back off. This has made a huge difference. Once I calm down I can then discuss things rationally