Finding worthwhile/enjoyable things to do even when alone

[Elizabeth CP]

Many of us have difficulty finding things which we enjoy. My psych must feel like a broken record as he tries to encourage me to find things I enjoy. Changed circumstances, finances, anxiety & depression can create barriers which are hard to break through. The lack of doing enjoyable activities leads to further mental health problems.

I thought it would be helpful if we shared ideas of suitable activities. Since we are all different there is no right or wrong suggestion as the reader needs to decide for themself what they want to do. Hopefully the ideas can provide inspiration.

I have been married for many years & have 5 adult children. For decades my life was based on doing things as a family. We enjoyed camping,swimming, exploring bushwalking etc. More recently my children have grown up & left home. My husband has developed a degenerative condition & is now blind so I am his carer. This means the things we used to enjoy are more difficult or impossible. Illness & injuries have also created barriers getting us out of the habit of going out & doing fun things. My psych keeps reminding me that I need to be learning to do things on my own because I need the respite & at some point my husband will no longer be able to do the things he can now. Going out on my own leads to guilt feelings but not doing it means the times I do have away from my husband I waste. I need to learn to enjoy myself when I'm on my own & welcome any suggestions for me & for other readers

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Elizabeth CP,

Thanks for your post.

This is a great thread because I know a lot of us struggle with finding enjoyment during the day, especially when finances and mental health are an issue. I struggle with a lot of mental health issues and am quite isolated so I've had to try to adapt to it when I'm not able to do the things I used to.

So here's a little list of the things that I do or the things you might like to try - also I find that having a little routine helps enormously.

- read; either magazines, books, articles, newspapers

- watch something; tv, movies, youtube

- listen to a podcast or some music

- do some puzzles

- try a at-home beauty treatment like a body scrub, hair or face mask, or colouring your hair

- yoga, stretching or exercise at home

- baking

- arts; drawing, painting,

- crafts such as knitting, scrapbooking, woodwork or photography

- renovating or upcycling/ DIY's

- ring friends and family

- write letters or postcards

- journalling

Oh - and things you can do outside...

- go for a walk

- take some photos or go birdwatching

- attend a class like a cooking class or any other community things that are in your area

- try the local council to see what activities they have on

- join a club

- join a gym

- go to the movies

- visit the library or art gallery

- treat yourself to something nice; like going to a cafe or window shopping

- catch up with friends or family

[Starwolf]

Hi Elizabeth,

Learning to do things on your own takes time and some adjustment. First of all, ditching the guilt of doing things alone or for yourself is a priority because guilt stops you enjoying whatever you do. Your personal needs are just as important as anyone else's. It is a fact we easily lose track of when we raise children and/or we are full time carer for a loved one.

A shift of priorities doesn't come easy but -as our lives change- it becomes a necessity.

I was a full time sole carer many years. When it ended, I looked forward to actually doing things that I liked and thought Life could resume where I left it. Wrong, of course. I had lost the knack of it...long term disuse causes anything to atrophy or cease up. Interest in doing things can be lost that way.

Also, when our focus is elsewhere, we ignore/neglect what is happening in our inner world. We don't realize that during that time away from ourselves, many experiences have changed who/what we were. We just haven't paid much attention. So we can't go back to where we left, we're no longer there. Unsettling !

So it is a journey of rediscovery, of trying old things to see if you still enjoy them. And of trying new ones. Exposing ourselves to new experiences renews the mind. Slow but persistent progress is the key.

I have lived alone many years and in a geographically isolated area. I can cooee as much and as loud as i can...no one will hear. But I don't feel lonely and my days are so full they often spill into evenings and nights. But at first, I had to kick start myself.

I found creative activities very helpful. Because they're a means of expression for the forgotten self. Sketching, painting, bead work, ceramics, dress making, greeting cards making...the list is endless. Take your pick and see how you go. If it doesn't work out for you, ditch it and try something else.

Enjoy finding out what makes you tick, what you need to express. Because you matter a lot and because you deserve it.

[kanga_brumby]

This may sound a little silly. But here goes any way try taking up Ukulele. There are a number of small groups around. All willing to help teach how to play the thing. Occasionally even putting on concerts around the country. Once you have learnt some songs you can then play for your hubby as well. He can at least sing along or learn it as well and join in playing along. As I have a vision impairment I know what can be achieved if the person really puts there mind to it.

Kanga

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi Romantic You gave a great list with a good variety of things to do.

Starwolf you're comments hit the nail on the head You said I looked forward to actually doing things that I liked and thought Life could resume where I left it. Wrong, of course. I had lost the knack of it.. which is what I have found. You are also correct saying to try things & ditch those that don't work. Problem is sometimes sometimes I focus on doing what will work which means missing out on trying things because I'm not sure if they are suitable. Finding the kick start mechanism seems to be the challenge.

As for Kanga Brumby music is not my thing. I have never felt talented in that area so I won't be learning the ukulele but it was worth suggesting because there are others who may read the post & be inspired to try it & enjoy it.

[Guest_1055]

Hi all,

Yes Romantic definitely has some list there. I do some of those things. And I am actually learning to play ukulele, very slowly though. I also enjoy learning about new things, that I have no prior knowledge of. There is loads of free courses that you can do online. And sometimes you may think you don't like or enjoy something, you then have a go at it and discover out you actually do like it after all.

[Artistaffame]

I find drawing helps distract myself. Or even going to the neighbours house for a cup of coffee. Last year is the first time ive lived alone (i have my furbabies) so its been a real learning experience but im getting the hang of it. Sometimes i just sit on my back porch and watch my dogs play. Its peaceful

[Elizabeth CP]

I have set a goal to dance again. I have had excuses/reasons not to for so long. No babysitter, my husband can't dance properly, no money, nowhere to go, injury, illness etc. IT is time to just do it

[Guest_1055]

Haha, yeah, Go for it!!!

[Vorbis]

You might enjoy geocaching. It's treasure hunting, using gps coordinates. People hide little containers all over the world, and you can find them. Write your name in the logbook, take a treasure if something catches your eye, leave a treasure for the next person. 

At home, you might be interested in studying your genealogy? It's quite fun looking up your family history and putting all of it together. You can also get your DNA tested and find out your genetic heritage. At the moment on a more prosaic level I'm trying to put together a family history of medical conditions - what illnesses and operations our various relatives had, what they were allergic to, what they died from. It'll be useful for me to know and something to leave to my son later on.

You and your husband might enjoy audiobooks. They tend to be hit and miss, the narrator either making them magical or terrible lol.

Dancing sounds wonderful, I hope it's going well!