deteriorating mental health

[Sunshine213]

I come from a family violence background, resulting in living in refuges, living on the streets or going from friend to friends places. I eventually got my own place and i was working at 17. I have always had a fear of not having money, over spending because i hated it when i was younger and didn't have anything and it made me feel better inside. I always had constant worry and at times would put myself in debt. I recovered (so i thought) from this on my own, and fixed it by paying back my debts and fixed my credit history. 2011 i met my partner and abuse started, psychological at first. Then it turned psychical in 2015 an AVO was placed. I stayed with him until 2019 and finally left. Since 2015 i applied for a course and 2018 at UNI now resulting in a 30k hecs debt, - i didnt study at all or contact them both times due to domestic violence . i have not done my tax returns since 2016 because im scared of my hecs debt and my anxiety is off the roof. I also put myself in more financial debt while i was with him because i was scared that if i didn't have the money to fund things, he would bash me - he did not make me take out the loans nor did he know, i did this because i had constant worry. i now have 8k debt which i am slowly paying off. When covid hit, my work had a massive restructure and a lot of staff were made redundant. I had to work on a project which involved people losing their jobs and i had a massive panic attack so in November i got the covid 19 super release because was so scared i was going to lose my job. I didn't lose my job and now im scared of what the ATO may do to me because of this. I want to do my tax returns and also declare the super i withdrew and i am so scared of more debt and what is going to happen to me. I don't know why i do these stupid things and why i freak out in fear so much and then do the most stupid things. Im going on a mental health plan but i really do not know what to do or what is wrong with me. Has anyone done anything similar? What help can i get i really am a good person but i feel i keep self sabotaging myself financially and i feel so depressed.

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi there

Firstly, welcome to the forums and for being brave enough to post here. It's not always easy to share things that make us uncomfortable. I don't think that anything you've done makes you stupid or not a good person. You've done your best to manage in difficult circumstances, and really, that's what we're all trying to do. Just manage and get through.

Organisations like Anglicare and the Salvation Army have financial counsellors, and this might be a good place for you to start if you want to chat things through. There's no obligation to take any action, they just explain things, offer advice and can act as an advocate if appropriate and you want them to. I've used this service myself, and found them to be really helpful and non-judgemental.

As far as considering yourself to be self-sabotaging, it seems as though you recognise that there are underlying issues for why you've made the choices that you have, and you can work through these with a professional to help understand and manage them. Good on you for seeking help. You are a good person, and you'll be able to work through this. Be gentle on yourself. Kind thoughts, Katy

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sunchine213, 

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experiences with us today - it must have taken a lot of courage to write this. Thank you for being brave, you never know who might read this and feel less alone in their own situation. 

Financial and relathionship stress can be really tough to deal with and we think that it might be time to give someone a call so you can chat through your concers. We are sure you'll get some lovely support on here as well, but it's always nice to have a few options. 

We think that a wonderful first step would be to call our phoneline on 1300 22 4636 - the team can help work out some strategies for feeling better in the moment as well as working out where else to get support. 

We also highly recommend you give the National Debt Hotline a call on 1800 007 007 or check out their webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who have found themselves in debt and can a long way in helpiung you get your control back. 

It sounds like you have done a lot and have paid back your debts in the past which is amazing, they may just be a little extra support this time around. 

Thank you again for sharing, we hope that there is something above that can be useful. Please check back in and update us on how you are going if you feel comfortable.

Kind regards, 

Sophie M
 

[smallwolf]

hi Sunshine213 and welcome to the forums.

Both Katyonthehamsterwheel and Sophie_M have provided very good resources for you to follow up on regarding your financial worries. From what i have read about you (in your story) there was nothing sinister in what you did. I don't know how much of a mistake was made when you accessed super and the people at the national debt helpline etc will be able to help you work out a way forward. (We all make mistakes and mostly do what we do based on the information available.) I imagine it would be quite scary in this area when you don't know what happens. You have shown courage and honesty in your post here and sure you would do the same with those helping you in this situation.

Peaceful thoughts to you.

[manpreetrockerji]

considering yourself to be self-sabotaging, it seems as though you recognize that there are underlying issues for why you've made the choices that you have, and you can work through these with a professional to help understand and manage them. Good on you for seeking help. You are a good person, and you'll be able to work through this. Be gentle with yourself. You can start doing yoga it will help you