Probably one of the most difficult topics I've chosen to talk about, to make sense of and share.
An old lady once my neighbour told me once "we are born alone and we die alone". That's solemn but to approach this subject we have to be frank.
Life includes many things, one of those things is death. No other animal on earth realises more than humans that a loved one has died. Humans have such high intelligence we try to evaluate the journey our loved ones travel after dying. A High percentage of humans have chosen one of more than 5000 religions in order to grasp faith for what? In many cases its to feel that if there is life after death they will graduate into it and...live on.
But here in life one of the most difficult challenges we have is coping with a loved one that has passed. Grief is huge because we cannot come to terms that our loved one will never return. Or if you believe it, you won't have them in this life...only in that place beyond life. Either way, your loss is more than substantial.
Prior to my wonderful father passing in 1992 I couldn't cope with death. Now I can. What has changed?. It would be easy to say " l learned that death is part of life". But while that is accurate, its more complex.
I asked my father a month before he died "are you scared of dying". To which he replied " not at all". Both of us are atheists so I then asked him "dad, how can you not be scared ".(dad was 64yo and had had several heart attacks). He told me that apart from eating healthily and mild exercise he could only do his best to prolong his life...from then on, " its out of my control".
We often mention worry here on this forum. Worry is non productive and in fact contributes to anxiety. So on the topic of death of ourselves or a loved one, if we accept we have no control over the outcome then can that give us some relief about coping with it?. It has for me, maybe for you also.
The twist in this is, I'm still an atheist but I believe there is another dimension to life. Call it spiritual, its the closest word I can find. But that also has given me comfort that there has to be something else out there post life...we have to go "somewhere". In a sense I've joined the believers in some way and its helped me.
Finally, I think aging sends us to a more relaxing mentality with death. As our friends and relatives more often pass on we attend funerals regularly. Another reason to feel that death is part of life.
its comforting, but never easy.
Tony WK
